Renaissance
by spottedhorse
Summary: Grissom deviates from his usual behavior while away from the lab. What he discovers about himself leads to changes in his life and his destiny.
1. Away From It All

Those who read Grissom's Getaway will recognize chapter one. I had intended to leave it as a one shot but when the news broke that Petersen/Grissom was leaving, my devious little mind went to work. So I took the original story off the page and began to rumminat over it. That was several months ago. My thoughts have slowly been coming together and while I have a rough idea of how this plays out, there are still some fuzzy places. Your comments might help me bring it into better focus, so they will be very welcome. It galls me to think of Grissom going off in search of Sara after she walked out on him twice instead of hanging in to work things through. Her actions say to me that there is no trust there and he deserves her trust. She just needed to first, talk to him when things were going bad in the first place and then give him time to process everything before leaving the last time. I want a different ending for him! So here's a little AU story that I've come up with. Hope you enjoy.

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Late 2003

Gil Grissom sat in a booth in a small cafe around the corner from the hotel. He almost always enjoyed these conferences, as much for the break from cases as for the information and exchange of ideas that he collected. The breaks in his routine were energizing, keeping him fresh and excited about his career…his life. But the evenings at these things were always social in nature and Grissom rarely attended. So here he was enjoying a quiet meal in a quiet place, a book open and ready for his analysis. Sometimes he wondered about that side of his nature. Did he need and enjoy the quiet because he grew up in a quiet house owing to his mother's deafness? Or was the need just simply a part of his make-up; a segment of his geekiness. Probably some of both. Fundamentally he wasn't quite as reticent as he behaved as Gil Grissom, CSI. He wouldn't say he was outgoing or especially social, but he possessed the skills and used them as needed. His extreme taciturnity was a shield for him. It helped him to distance himself from the cruelty he encountered in his job. Catherine and the others often accused him of being a robot; he was anything but that. What he saw each day chewed him up inside. Brass had been the first to recognize his behavior as a defense mechanism. Catherine caught on early but still gave him grief over it. Generally he liked people; he just didn't like what they do to each other.

He was emerging from his thoughts when he noticed a woman sitting at a table across from him. She seemed to be studying him. He understood; he liked to study people as well. Pulling his book closer, he pretended to be reading as he observed her under his eyelids. She seemed to be in her late thirties or early forties; reddish-brown hair and bright blue eyes. Her features were classic; high cheek bones, nose and mouth were not small but not large on her face either. She had a strong jaw line and a gentle mouth. Little lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth indicated frequent laughter. Her body wouldn't win a modeling contest but she was put together nicely; curves in all the right places. In short, he took notice as any man would.

He glanced up and was surprised by her blatant appraisal of him. She smiled at him and winked. Self-conscious, Gil looked away but found that he had no control over his eyes as they rolled back to her. He smiled back. Her smile grew larger as she indicated an empty chair at her table. Gil had a decision to make. Should he ignore the invitation or should he explore it? Glancing back at his book contemplating, its dryness and then glancing back at her, he decided to be bold.. Quickly he gathered his food and his book and moved to her table.

Settling in the chair, he introduced himself. "I'm Gil Grissom." he said, employing a little charm.

She grinned and replied, "Jenny Bayliss. I'm here for a trade show but bailed on the party tonight. Too many people."

"Crowds bother you?"

'Normally I'm okay with them but after being around so many people at the show, I needed a break. But now things seem almost too quiet. I thought just a little quiet one on one with someone pleasant might be a nice compromise."

"I understand. I'm here for a Forensics conference and the noise...and people assault...get to me. But I'll admit that I wasn't too excited about spending the evening with a dry book either."

She chuckled. Then her expression changed to one of curiosity. "Forensics...like in dead people?"

"Well, that's part of it sometimes. But it is really more about evidence. What's your trade show?"

"The show is all about children. I own two educational toy stores. I'm here to find new products."

"Educational toys? Like chemistry sets and rockets and stuff?" His face lit, his interest peeked.

Laughing she answered, "Some, but most of my stuff is for younger kids; toys that develop cognitive skills and then early reading and math toys, lots of puzzles and games...manipulatives...that sort of thing."

"Puzzles? I love puzzles. Really, that's what forensics is all about. Puzzle solving. Every case presents a new one. Some are easier than others but its all puzzle solving."

"Sounds interesting. What's the weirdest case you ever had?"

Gil really didn't want to talk cases. He was here to get away from them and his job was usually what got in the way of any social life anyway. Besides, he worked in Vegas. Define weird. "Well, I work in Vegas, so they all are pretty weird. Some are routine, but Vegas seems to attract oddities."

She laughed out loud then. "Vegas? Sin City. And you seem like such a nice, clean cut sort of guy. Should I sitting here with you?" She sensed his reluctance to talk about his work...unusual for a guy.

Grinning now he answered, "I guess I am a little out of place in Vegas; geek meets the really abnormal."

"Geek? I don't get geek vibes. But then I haven't known you very long. On the other hand, I left all those labels behind long ago. My only categories are 'I want to know them' and 'I don't want to know them.' Makes life easier. Besides, nobody ever really fits the labels anyway...there's always grey areas."

Relieved, he began to relax more. He was obviously in the 'want to know' category. "Yeah, I see it all the time; ordinarily good people caught in extraordinary circumstances and make bad decisions. Sometimes I even see the reverse."

"Wow, that has to make your day; when a bad guy does something good."

"Yeah. But I suppose labels are a concern in your business too. I mean, kids are being diagnosed with so many disorders and disabilities so early now."

"It helps on the one hand but hurts on another. They get labeled ADHD, dyslexic, or the fast growing one, autism and get the help they need. But then the label follows them all through school. Teachers and others always see that tag on them and treat them differently. The kid never gets to know what is normal...not that normal really exists. I could go on and on about that though. It's one of my favorite soapboxes."

"So, where are these two stores?"

"East Tennessee. One is in Knoxville and the other is in Bristol, right on the Virginia border."

"Appalachians?"

"Yes. We're still trying to catch up in education. The government fed lots of money into the area for years trying to help the situation. But the geography of the area doesn't help. The mountains act as a natural barrier, keeping the locals isolated. Around the cities it isn't much different than anyplace else. Knoxville and the Oak Ridge area are quite progressive because of UT and the science community around Oak Ridge. But you get back in the hills and it's a whole different culture. I wouldn't say it's backward like many do. They have a lot of good values that we city folk seem to have lost. But their children are trapped because the jobs are leaving the area and they don't have the education and skills to move or to attract high tech or other more modern industry. It's getting better but there's still a lot to be done."

"Sounds like your mission in life."

"Maybe; more like a living. I'm doing well providing products that I have some knowledge of. Mostly I moved there because of the scenery...and the pace of life. After spending most of my life in Northern Virginia, around DC, I needed a break and it is so beautiful in those mountains. "

They had finished their food and had two coffee refills. The waitress's actions were clues that she wanted her table back. "I suppose we should let her earn some more tips," he said.

Jenny smiled and nodded in agreement. As they paid and walked out, Gil turned to her. "I'm really not ready to go back to the chaos at the hotel. I've heard that the River Walk in San Antonio is something I should see. Would you like to walk it with me?"

"Love to. Which way?"

They found the walk and Gil led the way down the steps. As they began their way down the walk, she slipped her hand in his. Normally he didn't like too much contact, especially when it was unexpected. But her touch felt good to him. They passed through a crowd gathered in front of one of the clubs and he slipped his hand from hers and around her waist, to hold her close and not lose her in the crowd. He felt the shudder that travelled her spine at this more intimate contact. She glanced at him and he caught the excitement in her expression. Soon they were passing under one of the arches for the overhead roads. She took advantage of the relative privacy to turn and find his lips. Her kiss was gentle, asking permission.

Gil was surprised by her action, but defiantly stimulated. Returning her kiss, he opened himself both emotionally and physically to her. Their contact intensified, each losing themselves in the fire that was growing. Oblivious to their surroundings, they were confused when a loud cheer and clapping was heard from a passing boat. Laughing, they parted. "Maybe we should find a place with a little more privacy? That is, if you're interested," she suggested. "But Gil, I want you to know, this isn't usually me. I mean...I don't go around to shows picking up guys. There's just something about you that... well, I thought...But if you don't…"

He interrupted her. "I know. This isn't me either...I mean I don't... well, like you. But, seeing you tonight, you make me feel…different…ah ..." he sighed. "Your place or mine?"

"Where you staying?"

"Hilton"

"Defiantly your place then..." she laughed.

"It's this way." he indicated the opposite direction. "But...um, I'll have to make a stop first."

She looked at him quizzically. "A stop?"

"For, um...well, I wasn't expecting ..."

She caught his drift. "You have any strange diseases I should know about?"

"What? Ah, well...no. But you don't really know me and well, you shouldn't have to worry about ...well, anything."

"No diseases? You look trustworthy, so I believe you and I don't have any either. And as for other concerns, it's taken care of. Besides, I'm a bit of a naturalist. Don't like things between me and the real experience."

Gil hated these conversations. He understood the need for protection and knew that if the use of condoms wasn't standard procedure, it should be. But he really didn't like to use them either. "Well, if you're sure your okay without me using protection..."

She reached her hand up the back of his jacket. "Oh, I'm very sure," she smiled salaciously. Something about her made Gil shake his normally cautious nature and drop his defenses.

By the time they made it to his room both were so aroused by continuous kissing, caressing and blatant necking that hallway sex was a real possibility. He fought with the door as his hand shook with desire. Finally on the inside, clothes began to fall off. By the time they made it to the bed, both were naked. His hands were searching her body, exploring every nuance of her. She too was busy. Their lips never parted, of course. He eased her down, his body following. He positioned himself over her, taking in the promise of her body. Her breasts were provocative, the copper color of her peaks a strong contrast to the white of her mounds. His eyes travelled down her torso past her abdomen to her tantalizing genital region.

She was taking him in also. She guessed that as a younger man he had been much tighter. He was still a feast however, for her eyes. His pecs were well defined and he had just enough love handle to suit her needs later, when things got more intense. And his cock, well...there was defiantly much pleasure to be derived form that particular body part. Her hands reached behind him to explore his ass. And oh yes, it would get her attention too.

Her little ass grab had sent him into a new frenzy. Used to being venerated for his mind, he enjoyed her appreciation of his body and he wanted to explore her more. He began to nibble and nuzzle her neck, sending her head back as she moaned at his touch. Her hands had left his ass and travelled up his back. The feel of his skin beneath her fingers sending new waves of excitement through her. She teased lightly at first, but as he continued his neck work, her touch became more eager, her fingers digging deeper. She slid her hands to his sides and ran them down and around to his ass again, where she began to rub. The end of each stroke encouraged him into her.

As she pressed his cock into her thigh electrifying flares shot up his spine. He knew he wouldn't last long like this. He pulled away and began to tease her breasts, first with his hands and then his tongue, delighting in her response to his touch as her nipples grew into hard pinpoints. He took her right nipple between his finger and thumb and began to play and rolled and twisted his fingers gently pulling at her tip. Moans of pleasure and wantonness escaped her. Soon he found his way to her hot box. He paused to let the aura of her sensuality settle over him. Her wetness was evident as her hairs glistened in the pale lighting. Slowly he teased his way into her folds, his finger finding her hot spot. He witnessed the tension in her lower extremities that his attention caused. All of her energy seemed directed to her response to his touch. And how she responded!

Her hand worked its way around to find his cock. Her finger circled his head eliciting soft moans from him. Soon she had wrapped her hand around his shaft, causing him to swell and harden even more. It had been a long time since a woman had touched him in that way and he had almost forgotten the sensation. He wanted inside her but tried to hold back.

Juices were flowing from her now and he stroked the length of her folds. Her hips rose to meet his action as her grip on his rod tightened. He felt his throb. "Gil, now," she moaned. "Fuck me now.'

He positioned his cock over her and gently slid into her wetness, His tip found her opening and he gently entered. He had his head in when her hands gripped his ass and pushed him deeper. "More...go deeper," she groaned.

He followed her tunnel, relishing the wet, hot sensations of her walls. Once he was all the way in, he paused, his cock throbbing wildly. Her muscles responded to his throbs as they twitched and squeezed, her fluids gushing over him. He fought to hold on. Once his throbs subsided he began to travel back out, stopping when his tip rested once again in her entrance. Her fingers had a firm hold on a good portion of his ass and she was flinching them, wanting to press him in again but understanding that he wouldn't last if she did. Once he had cooled a little he began his motion. She raised her hips to match his stroke and almost immediately he was compelled to go quicker and quicker, pumping harder and harder until they exploded in an unbelievably satisfying release. They rode the after shocks down until they were exhausted. Lying in the bed, snuggling and warm, he traced the lines of her body with his fingers

After a few minutes she stirred. 'I suppose I should get going. Don't want to wear out my welcome."

Wearing his 'pouty face' as Catherine called it, he whispered. "I was hoping we could have breakfast together, before my plane leaves."

"Breakfast? Yeah, but where do I sleep?"

"Who said anything about sleep," he grinned roguishly.

Gil's plane landed just before the graveyard shift began. He wasn't scheduled but decided to swing by anyway. He found Catherine and Jim in the break room sipping coffee. "Hey Gil. How was the conference?" Jim asked. Catherine was giving him a funny look.

"Ah...good. Lots of good information and meetings. It was a nice get-away for the week." He smirked.

"Okay, so who was she?" Jim asked.

Gil shot him a look of mock surprise. "Who said there was a she? There was, however, a really good lecture on forensics and national security issues. Fascinating stuff. Of course, the FBI handles most of that but it was still enlightening." He headed to his office to check on his tarantula.

"Okay, Jim, how'd you know there was a woman?" asked Catherine.

"Easy, he was looking way too relaxed. Also, he didn't launch into a long boring explanation of anything he learned there. Besides, he just had a guilty look about him. Yeah, he scored."

Bemused, Catherine commented. "One surprise after another with him." They sipped their coffee as they tried to picture his get away girl.

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As I said earlier, your comments are welcome and desired. I realize that this was very out of character for Grissom but I hope I was able to capture something of what made him step outside of himslef. Thanks for reading, Please review.


	2. Early 2009

Early 2009

Gil Grissom was tired; tired beyond his limits…and weary; the last couple of years had been terrible for him. His relationship with Sara had been such an amazing journey of discovery for him; he had discovered a whole new level of living as they had grown closer. A bond had formed between them deepened until he felt that she was a part of him. But there were forces at work around them that cast shadows upon his soul and threatened to destroy what they had. Cases began to wear on him until he felt threatened by burn-out and had left for a short period to regroup. Although Sara had understood, it had hurt her deeply. He hadn't wanted to hurt her and he had spent some time trying to convince her that he truly loved her. Eventually their relationship began to deepen as she realized that his time away had crystallized his feelings for her. Then Sara had been kidnapped and his soul had grown darker. Fear like none he had ever felt before had gripped him, threatening to break him, yet somehow he had managed to hold himself together. The joy of her return to him had been immeasurable. Then a few months later she had left him and his heart had broken; a part of his soul had been lost.

Warrick's death had taken a horrible toll on all of them and left him traumatized; Gil blamed himself in a way. He couldn't shake the feeling that if he'd been better as a supervisor, as a friend, Warrick would still be with them.

Trying to come to terms with what happened to Warrick had been complicated by Sara's return for his funeral. He wanted her, needed her with him but things had been awkward at best when she came back. They had carried on a phone relationship after she left and he'd hoped that once she sorted out her past, they could pick up where they'd left off when she disappeared that Fall night. But something broke within him when Warrick died and his patience had run out. The awkwardness between them frustrated him and finally he did what he always did; he had withdrawn from her. She had misread his behavior and thought he no longer loved her and left again, leaving him devastated with no one to blame but himself.

Now he felt like a walking corpse. Those things that he had lived for before no longer held any meaning for him. Sara was gone and everything he had ever believed about his job, his life's work, had been shattered by Warrick's murder and the revelation of who had done it. Nothing had meaning for him anymore; in short, he felt that his soul was dead leaving only his body that seemed to function automatically. Consequently he spent many extra hours at his desk because he had no reason to go home except to walk and feed the dog and to sleep. This morning was like all the others; what was left of his team had left hours ago but he was still in his office reading, when his phone rang.

"Grissom," he said tentatively.

"Aren't you supposed to be at home?" Jim Brass snapped from the other end of the connection.

"So why did you call me on my office phone?" Grissom snapped back.

"A hunch…you know, that thing you don't believe in…"

"So what do you want Jim?" He said wearily.

"Can you swing by the Oasis? Like now?"

"Why?"

"I've got a murder…"

"Don't trust Day Shift?"

"No, that's not it…just , hey…look, just get your ass over here, okay?"

Grissom hung up his phone, glaring at it. Jim could be brusque, but even that was a bit rough for him. Sighing, he closed his book, picked up his keys and headed out.

He met Jim in the lobby. "What's the big mystery?" he asked Brass.

"Ah, we have a suspect…although I don't think she did it. But I have to take her in for questioning."

"Yeah?" Grissom said irritably.

"Well, she needs your help."

"I thought you said…"

"Look, let me take you to her and maybe then you'll understand."

Grissom's eyebrows rose as he looked at the detective, confused.

They headed for the elevators and went to the fourth floor. Jim led him down the all to room 419 and knocked. Officer Mitchell, "Mitch," as they called him, opened the door and nodded toward the window where a woman sat, staring out.

"He's here," Brass told her.

She turned to face Grissom, fear in her eyes. Gil looked at her, his brow furrowing. "Jenny?" he asked.

"Yes Gil; it is me. I asked your Captain Brass if I could talk to you before ...before I go to the police station."

"Okay," Gil said, still confused. "But what are you doing here? What happened?" He asked as he looked from her to Brass and then back to her.

Jim patted Gil's shoulder. "Mitch and I will be outside when you two are ready," he told his friend. "Take your time." The two cops left the room, Jim closing the door behind them.

Gil turned to Jenny Bayliss. "It's been a long time Jenny…"

"It has. I wasn't sure you would remember me, actually."

Gil's eyes widened. "It was one of the most memorable nights of my life," he said softly. Breathing was difficult as the memory of their night in San Antonio flooded through him and something in him began to awaken. "It was…amazing; the connection I felt with you that night…"

"I felt it too, Gil."

"So…why didn't we stay in touch?" He wondered out loud.

"All the usual reasons, I'm sure. We returned to our own realities and life took over after that."

"Yes, but…still, I wish…" He stepped close to her, extending his hands to claim her arms. She moved into him for a hug. "Me too…more than you know."

He held her for a moment and then asked, "So how are you in the middle of this murder?"

"I'm not sure really, except that the body was found in my room. I know…knew him, but I didn't kill him; I hope you believe me. But that's not why I asked to see you, Gil."

He frowned in confusion. "Then why? I can help, you know…and of course I believe you."

"Yes, you can, but not in the way you are thinking." He stepped back, looking into her face, thoroughly perplexed. "You remember that night…I said I had everything covered; you didn't need a condom?"

He remembered his discomfort at the whole conversation. "Yes…"

"Well, I thought I did have it covered, but it seems the pill was not 100 per cent effective. There's someone I want you to meet, Gil."

Slowly he was absorbing her meaning. "You…we…did we…make a baby?" His voice grew softer as he spoke, fear and awe growing inside him.

"We did," she smiled. "You have a son, Gil. I named him Thomas Anthony. He goes by Thomas."

Gil stared at her, stunned. "Why…didn't you tell me?" He asked gently.

"We were only together that one night. I didn't know how you would take the news; besides, you didn't seem interested in anything beyond that one encounter."

She watched as her news sank in and the weight of it registered with him.. "I…I'm sorry you felt that you had to do this alone. I can't say how I would have responded, but you deserved to have my support and so did our son."

"So, would you like to meet him?"

His eyes lit up, looking around the room, questioning. "He's in the next room," she told him. "I'll get him." She began to walk towards the door.

"Wait…" he said.

She turned and looked at him, suspicious.

"Does he know about me?"

"A little. When I decided to come to the convention here in Vegas, I told him that I hoped he would get to meet his father…that you live here."

Gil swallowed deeply. "Does he…I mean, …what have you told him about me?"

"That you are a very special man that I met and we shared a very special time."

Gil nodded, swallowing again. The taking a deep breath, he nodded. "Okay."

She opened the door and Gil followed her into the bedroom. Sitting in the middle of the bed, looking at a picture book of animals was a curly haired, tow-headed boy who looked up nervously when he heard the door. Grissom was struck by the smaller version of his blue eyes that studied him.

"Thomas" said Jenny, "this is Gil Grissom."

Thomas looked at his mother and then back at Grissom. "Grissom…like me," he said quietly.

Gil looked surprised. "You gave him my last name?" Gil asked Jenny.

"I thought he deserved something of yours," she said in a non-committal manner.

Her words stung but as he looked at her, he realized she wasn't accusing him, just stating a fact. Gil looked back at the boy and marveled at the revelation that he was a father. Seeing the boy, there was no denying that Thomas was his son. "Hello Thomas."

"Mama said you might come to see me," he said shyly.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you sooner."

"It's okay. We live far away from you. We had to fly in the airplane to come see you. Mama said you're very important here and can't leave too much."

Fear began to be replaced by sadness. This kid, his son, was beautiful and he had missed out on so much. "Well, now that I've finally gotten to meet you, I will make sure to come see you often," he told his son.

"Gil, I was hoping that he could stay with you while this mess gets sorted out. Otherwise he gets placed with CPS."

The color drained from his face as he grasped her words. "Yeah, he'll stay with me," he said with determination. "I…I want to have him with me…to get to know him."

Jenny smiled warmly at him. "Good, I'll feel better knowing that he is with you."

"But I can help with the case too, Jenny. I want to help."

"And I want you to stay clear of it. We're…connected," she said as she glanced towards Thomas, "and I don't want there to be any question of my innocence."

Acknowledging her logic, he nodded. "At least let me call a lawyer for you. I know several good ones…"

"Yes, that would be good. I don't know any out here." She smiled weakly at him and then turned to Thomas. "Honey, your father is going to take you to his house, okay? He wants to show you where he lives. And you two get to hang out and be boys together for awhile, okay?"

Thomas looked nervously from his mother to his new found father. "Can I take Bongo with me?"

Gil's eyebrows shot up. "Bongo?"

Jenny smiled. "His 'friend," she stated smoothly. And then to Thomas, "Yes, that's a good idea. Why don't you take Bongo?"

Thomas rolled off the bed and reached into his bag to produce Bongo, the stuffed monkey. "Honey, go ahead and take your backpack. You might spend the night with Gil."

Thomas reached for his backpack; it was shaped like a bumble bee; yellow with black stripes around it and a bee head sitting at the top. Gil smiled when he saw it.

"You ready Thomas?" he asked after a few minutes of watching the child stuff different items of clothing and toys into the bag.

Thomas nodded and walked toward him. "Can we have ice cream?"

"Ice cream sounds like a good idea," Gil agreed. "What kind do you like?"

"Neopopton," Thomas answered. "I like the stripes."

Gil's eyes shot to Jenny as he smiled again. She had tears in her eyes. He swallowed and stepped closer to her, offering his arms for a hug. She felt tense in his arms and he decided it was due to the circumstances and not him. After holding her for a moment, he whispered into her ear. "Are you ready?"

She nodded, holding back tears. "Thank you," was all she said.

"I'll call Brass to check on you and when it is over, I'll come get you. You and Thomas can stay at my place until this is done."

Again she nodded and tried to smile. Gil held out his hand to Thomas, who glanced over his shoulder at his mother. "Bye Mama," he said sadly. Then suddenly he ran to her and gave her a hug. "I can stay if you want me to," he told her.

"No honey, I want you to go with Gil. This is your special time with him so you guys can get to know each other. I'll come over later, okay?" "Okay," he agreed. Then he took Gil's hand and the two headed into the hall.

Brass and Mitch were leaning against the wall. They straightened up when Gil and Thomas walked out. Gil nodded at Brass. "She's ready. You'll keep me in the loop?"

Brass nodded to Mitch to go ahead and then turned his attention back to Grissom. "Yeah, but you have to stay hands off. I promise we'll take it slow and just ask questions unless something comes up to force us to do more. We won't make an arrest unless we are sure of the evidence."

"I know, Jim," Gil said to his friend. "Just do your job. I am calling a lawyer for her though, just to be sure that she's okay."

"Yeah, good idea. I'll consider that as her invoking her right and we'll hold the questions until he gets there."

"Thanks Jim." Gil led Thomas down the hall to the elevators. Jim watched them get in and then he stepped into the room. He didn't want the kid to see his mother taken out by two police officers. He never liked taking a suspect in front of their kids and he sure wasn't going to do it to Gil Grissom's kid.

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So what do you think? Please review and let me know.


	3. Just the Guys

Gil and Thomas stopped at the market for necessary food items. Ice cream topped the list but was followed closely by soda, chips, and a Snickers bar. Gil threw in some fruit and a take and bake pizza so that he could at least claim to try to be feeding the kid good food. They stopped at the video rental place next door and left with Antz and A Bug's Life; chosen by Thomas, not Grissom but he was pleased with the choices. When they got to his place, he warned Thomas about Hank.

"You like dogs?" he asked the boy.

"Yeah," was the answer.

"Good, because I have a big one," Gil told him.

"Okay," smiled Thomas.

Hank greeted them at the door and began sniffing Thomas. Gil could have sworn that the dog had detected something in the boy's scent that told Hank the nature of Thomas's relationship to Gil, because the dog looked at him questioningly; perhaps even a little disdainfully and disapproving. _Just my conscience working overtime, _he tried to convince himself.

"Hey Thomas, why don't you go put your bag in the bedroom while I put the groceries away?"

"Okay," the boy smiled and started in the direction that Gil indicated. Hank followed Thomas, as if Thomas might get lost. As Gil finished with the groceries, he heard giggles from the bedroom. He hadn't heard giggles since Sara left and the sound tore at him momentarily.

Then realizing the boy could be doing …well, just about anything to his room, Gil headed toward the sound. He leaned on the doorframe as he watched Thomas and Hank. Thomas was curled in a ball in the middle of the bed and Hank was licking and nuzzling him causing streams of giggles. Hank would let up and just as Thomas began to straighten up, Hank would dive in again, giving the boy a huge slurp, sending Thomas back into the fetal position. "Hank," Gil called to the dog. Hank looked up at him in disappointment. "Thomas, let's take Hank for a walk. He's been cooped up here for hours. We can go to the park.'

Thomas sat up excitedly. "The park? Can I take my bug catcher?" His eyes were wide and twinkled with anticipation.

"You like catching bugs?" Gil asked, somewhat surprised.

"Mama says that my daddy, Gil Grissom, is a emtologist and likes bugs. She gave me the bug catcher for my birfday and so I want to be a emtologist like Gil Grissom," he said proudly.

Gil wanted to say something but he couldn't think, couldn't speak. A flood of new emotions were racing through him. His son wanted to be 'a emtologist', just like him. Choking back his feelings, he nodded at Thomas. "Yeah, bring the bug catcher," he managed.

At the park, Thomas romped with Hank for a few minutes, the two taking turns chasing each other. Then finally Hank laid down in defeat, his tongue handing from his mouth as he stretched out to rest. It was then that Gil really began to understand how much energy a four year old boy could have. _How has she managed by herself? _He wondered.

Thomas ran to the bench where Gil sat and grabbed the bug catcher that sat next to Gil. "Bugs, I saw bugs, Gil Grissom," he exclaimed excitedly.

"Bugs? What kind?" Gil asked curiously. Thomas ran with the bug catcher, yelling back at Grissom. "Brown ones," he told the entomologist. Gil's eyebrows shot up as a tiny smirk worked at his mouth.

He followed the excited boy until Thomas dropped to his knees near a bush and leaned close to the ground, peering into the bush, looking for his prey. Fascinated by the boy's attentiveness, Gil dropped next to him and searched the area for brown bugs. Thomas's face lit as he spotted his target and gleefully reached in, nabbing the victim with tweezers provided with the bug catcher. He dropped the insect into the jar and quickly snapped the lid on it. Then holding it up, he showed his prize to Gil. "It's a brown bug, Gil Grissom. Do you know what kind?"

Gil looked at the bug briefly and then back at his son. "It's a cicada." He thought about going into all the finer details but quickly dismissed the idea, supposing that simply learning cicada would be enough for a four year old.

"Sittada," Thomas said reverently. "It's the biggest bug I ever got."

"They are big," agreed Gil. "But they won't hurt you." The entomologist Gil had long since gotten over his fascination with cicadas, but kneeling there next to his son, Gil's eyes were shining with the same enthusiasm that showed in Thomas's. He was seeing things through new eyes, his son's.

After a few minutes of bug watching Thomas released the captive and the trio headed back to Gil's place. Thomas was getting hungry and Gil had to admit that he was a little hungry too. "Why don't you start the video while I start the food," Gil suggested.

Thomas looked at him with huge eyes that held an expression he recognized. "Mama starts the movies," he declared. "I'm not big enough, she said."

Gil smiled. Of course he was too little. "Okay, I'll put it in and you can start watching."

"Okay." Thomas ran up the steps and jumped onto the couch, eagerly waiting for the movie to start. Gil put the disc in the player and started it, then headed to the kitchen to get the pizza in the oven. Once it was baking, he joined Thomas on the couch. To his surprise, Thomas crawled into his lap and leaned back against his chest. As Thomas watched the movie, bursting into giggles sometimes, Gil watched Thomas with fascination.

They ate on the couch, finishing the movie and pizza at about the same time. At a loss for what to do next, Gil looked around his place for something that might entertain the boy. Thomas disappeared into the bedroom and Gil followed. Thomas pulled out his picture book of animals and bounced on the bed. "Look Gil Grissom…aminals."

Gil sat beside him and looked at the pictures with him, occasionally naming one that Thomas couldn't remember. Their eyelids grew heavy and soon both had fallen asleep.

The phone rang and woke Gil. He looked around his bed, confused by the absence of Thomas. Picking up the phone, he headed out of the bedroom to find the boy. "Grissom," he said into the phone. Just then there was banging at the door. "Answer the damn door," Jim Brass growled into the earpiece. Thomas ran to him. "There's a noise at the door, Gil Grissom."

"Okay," Gil said into the phone, "just stop banging on the door."


	4. Openings

Once Gil opened the door, Jenny stepped inside with Brass behind her. "Mama," exclaimed Thomas as he ran to her. She smiled and knelt to hug him. The men watched the pair, both of them smiling and then Jim looked up at Grissom. "Got a minute?"

Grissom frowned and nodded in the direction of the kitchen. He heard Thomas talking to his mother. "Gil Grissom rented me this movie…and we watched and he let me have ice cream and we went to the park…and then we catched a big bug; a sittada. And this is Hank, the dog and he's my friend," the boy managed in one breath.

Jenney sat down on the couch glanced at the bug catcher and then spotted the case for the movie. She and Thomas continued talking while Gil led Jim to the kitchen. Settling in the far corner, Gil turned to Brass. "What's up?"

"We finished questioning her and followed up on some of what she told us. I don't like the way this is coming together, Gil."

"She's a suspect?"

"Maybe at first, but no. The evidence doesn't point that way and besides, the more we find out about this guy…I think there is a lot more to the story. I think this was a hit but what I don't get is why it was done to make her look guilty. I've identified her as a material witness and consequently, she can't leave. But I don't want her just hanging around the hotel either."

"They can stay with me," Gil said automatically.

"You sure? I mean, hospitality isn't exactly your thing…"

Gil glared at Jim. "He's my son, Jim. If she's in danger, then he could be too. They belong here, where I can keep them safe." His tone was biting.

Jim eyed him, surprised by the depth of the emotion in his friend's voice. "You sure it's just him you care about?"

Gil's brows furrowed as anger flashed in his eyes. Then he turned and walked away from Jim, heading up the steps to Thomas and Jenny. Jim watched him walk away and wondered just how well Gil knew her…and what exactly had happened between them all those years ago, besides the obvious.

Jenny helped Gil in the kitchen that evening and then the trio sat at the table for supper. Thomas chattered more about Hank and going to the park while Gil watched, attentively. He was enthralled with the interaction between mother and son and awestruck that he was part of this little family gathering. Jenny seemed happy and relaxed with Thomas's excitement over their time together while she was being questioned. And Thomas seemed to accept Gil's entrance into his life after four years as being normal. A few times, Gil caught Jenny glancing over at him, smiling; something in her expression inviting him to become further involved. To his surprise, he realized that he was smiling back.

As bedtime approached, Gil began to wonder about clothing. Their own clothes were still part of the crime scene and unavailable. He briefly thought of Sara's clothes that she had left behind, still tucked away in some of the dresser drawers but he dismissed the idea; it seemed wrong on so many levels. He knew his own flannel pants and a tee shirt would be huge on her but it seemed the best he could come up with. .

Jenny noticed that he was preoccupied after supper. Thomas was watching more of the video and she sat on the couch with him. Gil was in the chair, his mind obviously at work. Finally he glanced at her and she shot him a questioning look. "I was trying to find a solution for clothes to sleep in," he told her.

Amusement swept through her features. "For me or for you?" She teased.

A sly grin crept across his features but then something suddenly gripped his heart and squeezed as he became aware of how relaxed he was with her. It had taken him so long, years actually, to be at ease with Sara. He and Heather had understood each other almost immediately and had a rapport but even she made him uncomfortable at times. The only other woman with whom he felt any level of comfort was Catherine and friction still seemed to crop up between the two of them. But he had never felt uncomfortable with Jenny, he realized. There had never been the disquiet of not knowing what to do with the feelings between them as he had felt with Sara, nor was there the sexual innuendo that had clouded his relationship with Heather, nor the emotions verses logic clash that he sometimes felt with Catherine. With Jenny, he could just…be.

It was obvious that Jenny had picked up on his sudden mood swing. She dropped the teasing and studied his face intently, trying to understand. "I'm sure it has been a very…confusing day for you, Gil. And I'm also certain that you have questions."

She was giving him an opening, an entrance to the conversation they should have had over four years ago; a conversation about the baby that their one night together had produced. He looked at her appreciatively, thankful that she was making this easy for him. His mind wandered back to that night in San Antonio when he had stepped completely out of his usual character and into a fantasy. He had put down his dry book in favor of an exciting adventure with a woman and for one night been someone that he thought was beyond his capabilities. The warmth and acceptance he had found with her had prepared him for what came later with Sara. And in that one night with Jenny, he had also discovered that he did have the ability to discard his awkwardness and inhibitions and be comfortable with a woman…more than comfortable if his memory wasn't playing tricks on him.

Even though he had learned to hide it over the years, he was seldom comfortable around women and there were even fewer with whom he had learned to relax. Oh, there had been a few that he had admired. Catherine was one; he admired her strength and resilience, not to mention her instincts. Of course, he had admired her physically also and that's when the butterflies would begin. In Sara, he had also admired strength; especially after he discovered her past. But he admired her mind also. She possessed a keen intelligence and at times was capable of matching his. Then, of course, was her passion. It was different than Catherine's passion, covert in nature but there. In Sara he had found a kindred spirit.

So what was it about Jenny, he wondered. They hadn't known each other well enough for him to discover any of those things about her. But apparently, they had known each other well enough to create a life. He understood the science of it, the spin of the roulette wheel, in Vegas terms. But why had he been so drawn to her that the science happened, he wondered. Why had he spent that night with her?

Those thoughts flooded his mind as he tried to formulate questions, tried to find a way to address all that he was feeling. Glancing at Thomas, he decided to wait. "Maybe after he goes to bed," Gil told her. "Perhaps it would be better if it were just the two of us; he seems to take in everything."

Jenny smiled. "He does. I suspect he gets that trait from you. I know he doesn't get it from me."

Gil's eyes travelled back to his son. "He's amazing; you ..." he paused, for once unsure of his words. Jenny nodded, "he is amazing and I marvel at him every day; but I can't take all the credit. There is so much about him that comes from you."

Taking a deep breath, Gil looked at her bemused. "How can you know that anything is from me? We don't really know each other. There was that one time and we really didn't spend much time talking…"

Jenny looked at him directly into his eyes. "You like puzzles, the more difficult, the better. That speaks to your intelligence and tells me you like challenges. You spoke of your work with passion…and you demonstrated the capability of great passion in bed." Gil began to blush as she said the last. "You are reticent, but not necessarily because of shyness; it is just your way. You are naturally curious and as we have already discussed, take in just about everything, although, I suspect you often don't let on to how much you are actually observing." Gil swallowed uncomfortably as he realized how much had been revealed to her in that one night. "Oh," she continued, "and he has one other attribute from you…"

Gil's eyebrows rose as she made him wait for the rest. Grinning, she winked. "His features are obviously yours, as his hair but as I recall, you have one other feature that he has inherited." Gil stared at her, bewildered. "One that isn't so obvious with your clothes _on_," she teased. Jenny delighted in watching him turn various shades of pink before finally getting to a bright red. She chuckled as he took a sudden interest in the movie.

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I didn't do my usual begging, pleading, and cajoling for reviews on my last chapter and consequently got none. Wow, that's depressing. So I'm back to demeaning myself and begging. Pleeze, oh pretty please...reviews please. After all, it is Christmas time. Remember, it is better to give than to receive; and receiving feels soooo good:-))

Merry Christmas to all...


	5. Big Discussion

Thomas finally showed signs of winding down and surprised his mother and Gil both by announcing, "I want Gil Grissom to read me a bedtime story."

Jenny found one of his books in his backpack and handed it to Gil, winking at him. Not sure of the routine or what he was supposed to do; Gil followed Thomas to the bedroom, trying to think of a plan. Thomas shed his clothes and slipped into a "sweeping shirt" as he called it, and then climbed on the bed. Gil sat next to him and as he opened the book, Thomas crawled across, resting his head on Gil's lap. Gil began to read and by the third page, Thomas was asleep. Quietly Gil set the book on the nightstand and slipped his glasses off to sit next to it. Then he sat, watching his son sleep.

Gil had never really thought about having children, never seemed to have the time to even consider it, but the few times it had crossed his mind, he had felt inadequate to be a father. Besides, fatherhood usually meant a serious relationship with woman and although he had been in a few, the one with Sara had been the deepest and most enduring. But here he was…a father, ready or not; relationship or not. Suddenly the awesome responsibility for this little person weighed on him, pressing against his chest like a lead weight. He took in a deep breath and tried to regain calmness, but panic was threatening just below the surface. And yet, as he watched the boy, taking in his features, the peaceful expression that declared happiness on his little face, and the innocent trust expressed in his presence in his father's space, Gil felt something beyond any joy or happiness he'd ever experienced before. Confusing emotions mixed together reducing Gil's mind to a chaotic muddle. Remembering Jenny in the other room, he carefully slid Thomas to the pillow and gently stood, glancing one last time at the boy before leaving the room.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, Jenny watching Gil, who was lost in his bewilderment. Finally she spoke. "You seem confused."

His blue eyes fixed on her and she thought how much he looked like his four year old son at that moment. His eyes were wide and his mouth slightly open, his eyes questioning but dazed. "I am," he said eventually.

"I should have told you," she said softly. "I'm sorry."

He opened his mouth to agree with her, full of accusation and ready to rebuke her. But as he looked at her and thought of the sleeping boy in the next room, his intentions softened and he nodded. Jenny was surprised by the sudden change in his demeanor. She had seen the brief flash of anger and annoyance and then the swift break in his expression as gentleness took hold. And she saw something else in his expression too; she realized he was lost, unsure of what he should do but along with that a spark of hope seemed to glisten in his blue depths.

They talked late into the night. Gil asked her why she hadn't told him about Thomas. She shrugged and gave him an honest "I don't know, really." His eyebrows rose and he tilted his head, waiting for more. "I mean," she continued, "we didn't exactly try to stay in touch and there was no reference to ever seeing one another again. I took it as a vacation thing and accepted it as just that. And then I found out I was pregnant and was dealing with decisions there. I guess I was just being cowardly and didn't want to face the possibility of you rejecting the whole idea of a baby. You didn't seem like you had anyplace in your life for a child."

Gil had to acknowledge that she was probably right on that count. He thought he would have 'done the right thing', whatever that might have been, but he knew that at that time in his life, he would not have been happy about it.

"You had decisions to make?" He asked nervously. "You considered an…"

"Abortion? No. I couldn't do that. But I did have to decide if I would keep him or give him up for adoption. And…" she seemed to sadden. Sighing she finished, "he is a twin."

Gil tilted his head, looking at her apprehensively. "A twin?"

"Yes. There were…difficulties and the other baby was weakening…wasn't growing, and it was affecting Thomas." Gil reached for her hand tentatively, sensing her pain. "The doctor advised that I abort the twin, so that Thomas would continue to thrive." A tear leaked from her eye as she paused for a breath.

Gil looked at her intently. "So you…" She nodded in the affirmative. More tears ran down her cheeks. "I didn't want to; I wanted for both of them to…" she wiped a tear away and took a deep breath. "I wanted both of them. I wasn't sure about a lot of things, but I knew that much."

A lump tightened in Gil's throat. "I'm sorry," he said as he pulled her into a hug. "You shouldn't have done that by yourself. I should have been there for you…for them."

"You couldn't do anything that you knew nothing about."

"But I should have called you…should have stayed in touch."

She pulled away from him, looking into his eyes and seeing his anguish. "Don't do that to yourself, Gil. You didn't know because I chose not to tell you. It is not your fault and what happened…that's not your fault either."

They sat quietly for a few minutes, each deep in their own grief. "But you decided to keep Thomas?" Gil asked finally.

"I had fought too hard for him; I couldn't give him up. And when he was born and I looked into his face…I was hooked."

There was another long pause to the conversation. Gil was deep in thought and then suddenly snapped back into the present. "I want to be a part of his life, Jenny. I want him to know I am his father. I want to be there for him." He spoke with conviction and his demeanor underscored his statement.

She studied his expression, a faint smile at the corners of her mouth. "I would like that. He deserves to know you and after seeing you with him today, I think you will be a good father."

"Tell me everything about him," Gil requested. "I want to know everything…"

So she began to tell him. She described Thomas's birth and first few days. "He was slightly jaundiced and had to sunbathe everyday for 30 minutes," she told him. "It felt so strange, setting up a newborn to sunbathe but he seemed to enjoy the warmth."

Gil smiled as she described it. "And that took care of the jaundice?"

"Yes, they tested him when he was two weeks old and he was fine. He was a happy baby, easy to satisfy, except that he seemed to be hungry all the time. I was so glad when I could start feeding him some solids; it gave me a break," she chuckled.

Gils' eyes opened wide. "You…breastfed?" He asked, his cheeks flushing. She nodded, affirming his guess. He smiled. "He liked that, I'm sure," he said as his eyes glanced over her breast appreciatively. "As I recall…" She burst out laughing. "As I recall," he tried again, "there is much to appreciate…there."

He couldn't believe he had just said that. Gil felt his cheeks flushing again at the realization. What was it about this woman that put him at such ease, which allowed him to actually say what he was thinking? In fact, he found that he was saying things before he thought, very unusual for him.

She continued filling him in on the details of their son's life and he listened attentively, interjecting questions occasionally, but largely reveling in the story. As she talked, he realized how much of her previous life she had given up to take care of his son…their son.

As she continued, he sat mute, simply staring at her. Jenny thought his facial expression was the purest, most innocent look she had ever witnessed. What his eyes said to her was beyond any verbal expression but they spoke volumes in the language of the heart. "You're good with him, Gil. And he's quite taken with you. I think as he gets older there will be things that only you can help him understand because he is so much like you. I can see it even clearer now that I've seen you with him. I can love him, look out for him, mother him…but there are some things about him which I may never understand but I believe you will. He'll need that understanding and I want him to have it."

Gil swallowed as he tilted his head, trying to comprehend her feelings. "He's very lucky to have you as his mother," he said simply. "I have a lot of time built up so I can visit regularly. I want to see him more than just holidays and special occasions. Can we…would a schedule help in your planning? I know you have trade shows and probably have to travel between your stores."

"We can make a schedule, if you'd like. But you have to promise to do your best to be there when you say you will be."

Gil nodded confidently. "I will."

They talked awhile longer, considering possible schedules and frequency of visits and possible ground rules. Jenny was getting sleepy, Gil realized and as much as he wanted to talk more about Thomas, he knew she needed sleep. After suggesting that it was time for bed, he rose and offered her his hand to help her up. She smiled as she took it and when she stood, their eyes met. Then Gil surprised himself by taking her in his arms for a hug. "Thank you," he said as he held her.

"You don't have to thank me, Gil."

"But I do…for Thomas."

It had been a long day for both of them and they needed to get some sleep if they had any hope for keeping up with Thomas. He offered her a pair of flannel pants and a tee shirt to sleep in. She thanked him and disappeared into the bathroom to change. He found some shorts and a tee shirt for himself and stood watching Thomas as he slept in the bed. Jenny emerged, dressed in his clothes and smiled. "He looks sweet when he sleeps" she commented.

Gil nodded, unable to speak. He became aware of her eyeing him and realized that she was wondering about sleeping arrangements. "You and Thomas stay in here and I'll take the couch," he assured her. What he didn't tell her was that he would be sleeping with his gun under his pillow. After Brass's warning, Gil wanted to be ready if there was any trouble.

The apartment grew quiet as everyone settled in for the night. Gil managed to get comfortable on his couch, his pistol under his pillow. But his mind wouldn't rest. He kept turning the conversation with Jenny over in his mind. _She doesn't have to be so generous with him_, he thought_. Why is she doing this? Is she using this to get me? But why would she do that after all of this time and besides, what makes you think she even wants you. Other than some light teasing, she hasn't expressed any interest. So why is she so willing to let you have so much time with Thomas? _It was all very confusing and kept him awake for hours.

He drifted to sleep finally but woke with a start in the hours before dawn. The image of her face was uppermost in his mind and he felt a yearning that hadn't gnawed at him since Sara left. Frowning, he tried to stop the train that his body seemed to be headed for, but his mind wouldn't cooperate as it brought back memories of his night with her. The visions played in his mind until he thought he would go crazy. _She hasn't made a move towards you, but evidently you are very interested in her_, a small inner voice whispered to him. The suddenly Sara flashed before his eyes and he felt guilty. _But why feel guilty? She left, remember. Sara's gone and Jenny is here. But who says she even wants you? Sara didn't want you anymore. Why would Jenny? _His chest began to hurt as the pain of Sara's departure flared followed by the pain of Jenny's possible rejection. _But why does that possibility bother you so much? You hardly even know her really... _Hope began to overcome pain as he started to think of a future with Thomas…and the connection he would always have with Jenny.

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Many thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter! You made my Christmas so much brighter;-) I hope this one was satisfactory. Since I don't seem to get reviews unless I beg, consider me on my knees, pleading. The upside is that reviews keep me inspired and the words flow. No reviews become depressing and I get into a funk and don't want to type anymore. I hope to have the next chapter ready soon, so inspire me;-)


	6. Evidence Gathers

Brass stopped by the next morning. "An officer brought your things to PD," he told Jenny. "So I brought them here. I don't want you anywhere near that hotel."

She nodded her acceptance of the situation and then headed for the kitchen since she had volunteered to cook breakfast. Gil and Jim remained in the living area. "So where is the investigation?" Gil asked the detective.

"The vic, Kyle Allen, was posing as a sales rep, which is how Jenny got tangled in the whole mess. He was using her as a cover for meeting one of his contacts for a payoff. They had a business dinner and while at the restaurant, Allen passed money to his contact. We have video that confirms it. We're not sure what the payoff is all about but it doesn't feel like it's drugs. What we don't understand is why the vic showed up at her room and why the contact followed. The video doesn't give us a good shot of the perp's face, so we are working on the physical evidence from the hotel. Nick and Greg are going over it. Catherine is working it from the vic's angle. Meantime, I want Jenny under wraps. She's okay here with you?"

"Yeah, but I need to take some time off. I'm off tonight but I'll need to clear the next few days with Ecklie. Can you stay with them while I go in to talk to him?"

"Sure," Jim nodded. "I'm on a break now, but when my shift ends, I'll swing by."

"Good. Do we need to stay here all the time? I mean, I need to take Hank out and stuff like that."

"You just walk him to the park and back?" Gil nodded. "Yeah, but take your weapon just in case. But I can't think why the perp would be around here looking for her. Still, just to be on the safe side…"

"Does anyone besides you know her connection to me?" Gil asked nervously.

"Just Mitch. He was there when she asked me to call you and seeing the kid, it wasn't hard to guess. But he knows to keep it to himself. No one at the lab knows, not even Catherine."

"Okay, good. Let's keep it that way, just as an extra precaution."

"Right. Well, I should get back to the station but I'll be back in a few hours."

Hank was getting anxious, needing to go out and take care of business and Jenny was in the middle of frying the bacon and fixing the eggs. Finally Gil grabbed the leash and told Jenny that he was going to take Hank out for just a few minutes and not to open the door to anyone. He took his keys and locked them in, hurrying Hank down to his usual area for a quick trip. It seemed to Gil that Hank was taking unusually long to take care of things and he kept looking back toward his place anxiously. Finally the dog was ready and Gil all but raced him back to the apartment. Hank thought it was great fun and bounced as he ran, hoping to knock Gil over. Gil just groaned, "This isn't playtime Hank. We need to get back."

He let himself in and was relieved to see Jenny still in the kitchen with Thomas sitting on one of the stools watching her. Gil unhooked the leash and then went to wash his hands. Jenny called to him as he passed that breakfast was ready.

As he stood at the lavatory in the bathroom, Gil thought about the scene in his kitchen, his son sitting and watching as his mother cooked breakfast for them all. It had a nice 'family' feel to it, Gil mused. Sadly he realized that he had never had that feeling with Sara. They had never really discussed having kids. He thought that he was probably too old to be starting a family and Sara didn't seem that interested, didn't seem like she even liked kids. Gil turned his mind around that thought. _Do I like kids_, he asked himself. He knew he usually felt awkward around them; even as a child he didn't know how to relate to them. But he was enjoying Thomas; _so maybe if it's your own kid, it's easier_, he thought. But he doubted that Thomas being his was what made the difference. _It just feels so natural_, he decided. So why had he not thought of kids in relation to Sara? _Because she was already wounded, needed to heal,_ he reflected. _Bringing a kid into the middle of her hurt and my…what? Anxiety? It would have been a disaster._

But Jenny was different. As far as he knew, she had no deep secrets, no horrifying past to try to come to terms with. She was just…Jenny. And after just one day with Thomas, he understood how much strength, energy, intelligence, and confidence raising the boy required. While Jenny wasn't the walking encyclopedia that Grissom had been accused of being, she was extremely intelligent and resourceful; after all, she did have her own successful business. And after the ordeal she had described to him of the pregnancy, he knew about her inner strength and confidence. In fact, the only thing Grissom could find that made him uncomfortable about her was the fact that he was so comfortable around her. Shaking his head, he looked in the mirror. "You are really perverse, you know that don't you?" He said to his reflection. His reflection shrugged his shoulders and nodded affirmatively. _What's wrong with me, worrying that I am too comfortable around a woman when I've felt awkward around them all of my life…god, wouldn't a shrink love to twist me up with that?_

He joined the others for breakfast but was quiet through the meal. Thomas chattered, his mind in overdrive as he covered a variety of subjects. Gil watched, amused at the boy's non stop barrage and Jenny's patient responses. After they finished, Gil volunteered to clean up in the kitchen and Jenny took Thomas to get dressed. He had finished the kitchen and was thumbing through yesterday's mail when Thomas bounded in and settled on the couch. He had something in his hands, but Gil only glanced at the boy and didn't see what he had.

Jenny came out and sighed, obviously looking for something to occupy herself with. Gil looked over his glasses at her, trying to think of options. This had to be difficult for her, staying in a strange place and away from everything that was familiar to her. She seemed to decide to join Thomas on the couch and headed that way.

"Thomas, where did you get that?" Gil heard her ask.

Thomas looked up from the object in his hands and answered simply. "I found it."

"Gil," Jenny called, "Thomas has your BlackBerry. I'm sorry, I hope he hasn't messed up any of your files."

Gil looked up confused. "BlackBerry?"

Jenny held it up to show him.

Staring at the device, Gil shook his head. "That's not mine. I don't use one."

Jenny looked back at Thomas. "Where did you find this, Thomas?"

"In my backpack," Thomas answered nervously.

Every nerve in Gil's body began to tingle. "Thomas," he said as he walked towards his son, "I need you to remember, okay?" Thomas nodded. "Was this in your backpack when I picked you up at the hotel? When Mama told you to pack your bag to go with me?"

Thomas looked at Gil, afraid. "I think so. I just put my book in it and my bus. I already had my other toys…and clothes. Mama always makes me take clothes."

Gil looked at Jenny worriedly and then reached for his phone. "Jim, can you swing back by? I think we may have a clue…" He paused, listening to the other end of the connection. "Yeah, Thomas found a BlackBerry in his bag." Another pause. "Okay…in a few…" And the conversation was over.

"Jim is going to come by and pick it up. Can you just hold it like you are holding it, no more fingerprints?" Jenny nodded and Gil got his kit. Opening it, he produced an evidence bag and had Jenny slip it in. "Did the CSIs print you at the hotel?" Gil asked her.

"Yes," they printed me but not Thomas. "Okay." Turning his attention to Thomas, he asked. "Hey Thomas….let me show you something new…" and began to make a ten card on the boy. Brass showed up a few minutes later and took custody of the evidence. "I'll have Archie get on this right away," he said, holding the PDA.

"You'll let me know what he finds?" Gil asked.

"Of course," Jim nodded and then headed out the door.

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So, still like? Wanna see what happens next? Use the little button down there and let me know what you think.


	7. Family

As promised, Jim returned to stay with Jenny and Thomas while Gil went to talk to Ecklie. Thomas seemed wary around Jim at first and as Gil prepared t leave, ran to him, hugging his leg. "I want to go with you, Gil Grissom."

Gil smiled at the boy and winked. "I'll take you with me another time, Thomas. But today I am going to a meeting with the Assistant Director and then I am coming right back. We'll go another day when you can see my office and meet my other friends."

Thomas looked back at Jim. "Is he your friend?"

Gil smiled and nodded. "One of my best. I asked him to stay with you and your Mama while I'm gone because I know he'll take good care of you."

Thomas looked up into his father's eyes. "Okay, but you will be right back?"

"As soon as I can. And then we'll go to the park."

Gils' meeting with Ecklie went as he expected. He submitted a form for a personal leave, citing family business.

"But we all know you don't have any family, Gil," sneered Ecklie.

"Actually, I do," Gil responded. "And they need me for a few days."

There is no next of kin listed in your personnel file. Perhaps we should change that so that your relation could be notified if something happens to you."

"Perhaps I will, later. But for now, I am taking the leave effective immediately. As soon as I know when I'll be returning, I will let you know but for now, let's say it is for two weeks."

"Immediately?" Ecklie said in a shrill tone. "But that doesn't give me time to rework the schedule and we're already one CSI down."

"I'm sorry, Conrad," Gil said genuinely. "But it can't be helped. Catherine can fill in for me and I'm sure the two of you can rework the schedule. I'll be in touch," Gil concluded as he stood and walked out of his superior's office.

When he got back to his place, he found Jim reading to Thomas. Jenny was online, catching up on her e-mails and checking with her stores. Sensing that the two men needed to talk, Jenny called Thomas over to her.

"So how did it go?" Jim asked.

"About the way I expected. Ecklie's still trying to figure out where I got a family."

"That'll give him something to ruminate over," chuckled Jim. "I can't wait to see everyone's reactions when the cat gets let out of the bag."

"Yeah…in a way, I wish it wouldn't."

Jim looked at his friend speculatively. "Why not? The kid is something else. I'd think you would want to be able to talk about him, share him with the team."

"But there will be so many questions about his conception and …"

"So keep it simple…"

"But they're still trying to figure out the whole thing with Sara and now…"

Gil looked confused and a little hurt, Jim thought. "I think you're still trying to figure out the whole thing with Sara too. And yeah, this will be a surprise but they're your friends, Gil. This is something really special in your life and they'll want to share in it. If anything has come out of the few years, it is the bonds that we've all formed. I've worked a lot of different beats with a lot of different cops and I can tell you, I've never felt closer to any of them than I do you guys. And I know your team feels the same about you. You're family to them, Gil. And families share things. I understand that you need privacy, but that doesn't mean it has to be a big secret. Your guys will respect your boundaries and I guarantee that they'll be happy for you. And we could all use a little happy news, right?"

They talked awhile longer and then Jim left, reminding Gil to be careful. Glancing across the room at Jenny and Thomas, Jim told his friend, "you've got something special there. Don't screw it up."

Gil watched Thomas and his mother as he reflected on Jim's parting statement. _Yeah, I do have something special or at least the potential…_

They spent the day indoors until mid afternoon when Thomas and Hank both seemed to be too full of energy. "Didn't you mention a park nearby?" Jenny asked Gil.

They headed to the park; Hank and Thomas began running around each other, Thomas gleefully giggling at the dog's antics. Gil watched them but also scanned the area for signs of anyone who seemed out of place. His weapon was safely holstered under his jacket, just in case. Jenny picked up on his vigilance and also looked worriedly around the park. They were quiet on the walk home and Grissom was relieved when Jenny put Thomas down for a nap a few minutes after they got back.

"Gil, why all the concern at the park?" she asked him when she returned to the living room.

"I'm just being careful, Jenny. I won't feel safe about you and Thomas until we've found the murderer."

She blanched as she took in his words. "You think that they might come after us?"

Obviously she hadn't thought about it before.

"It is a possibility," he told her. "And I want to be prepared if it happens."

Jenny eyed his weapon, now sitting on the table next to him. "Are you any good with that thing?"

He looked at it disdainfully. "I usually get ten out of ten dead center on the target."

"But that's a target…have you ever…fired at anyone?"

"I've aimed and been prepared to fire, but have never had to." He felt his stomach lurch at the thought of firing on another human being.

Jenny watched his expression closely and then glanced at the gun again. "I'm sorry," she said finally.

He looked at her curiously, his eyebrows raised and his head tilted. "Sorry about what?"

"That you are in this position; that you feel you must defend us. It is obviously not one that you care for. Perhaps I should ask Captain Brass for police protection and relieve you of the burden." Her expression was sad and full of regret.

Gil looked at her confused and somewhat taken aback. "No," he said finally. "Thomas is my son and you are…"

"I am what, Gil?"

He swallowed as he considered the mine field involved in answering that question. "You are very special to me," he finally managed to say. "It's my job to protect Thomas …and you. And …I want to do it. Besides, the fewer people who know where you are, the safer you will be."

Gil watched as her expression softened. "I'm special to you?" She whispered.

"Yes, you are," he answered. There was an honesty in his expression that took Jenny's breath away. After a few moments of contemplative silence, Gil decided that he should be more open with Jenny than he had been with Sara. He didn't have time for avoidance. Besides, he wouldn't be stumbling over his career this time; his career had little meaning these days. "Jenny…" he began slowly, "…is there someone…are you seeing anyone…special?"

The look of amusement that crossed her face frightened Gil momentarily. She seemed to be having fun at his expense. But then her face grew serious as she looked directly at him. "I'm sorry if I seemed amused but the concept is funny to me. Men hardly hover around a single mom with a small child. Somehow they seem to find it threatening."

Understanding surged through his body, as well as regret. Not only had he left her pregnant to fend for herself, but she had no social life either. "I'm sorry," he said repentantly.

Laughing she asked, "for what? It's not like you ruined my life or anything…"

Taking a deep breath, he tried to center his thoughts. "I…I've been thinking," he said tentatively. "And… shouldn't we get to know one another better? I mean, we have this child in common and it seems we hardly know each other…except you seem to have already deduced some things about me..."

"I thought that that's what we are doing. Spending this time together has that benefit, doesn't it?"

Conceding her point, he elaborated. "But perhaps we should talk more? Learn more about our lives…who we are…"

Her head tilted slightly, her eyes studying him speculatively, and then a small grin worked at the corners of her mouth and bemusement settled in her eyes. "I know who you are, Gil. I sensed who you were that night at the café in San Antonio and I doubt that who you are has changed much since then."

"But I have," he replied quickly. "Then I was absorbed by my career. It was the most important thing in my life. But since then, events have changed how I see things."

Again she grinned. "Changed how you see things, not who you are. I believe you are the same caring, sensitive man that I met then. I learned a lot about you in that one night, Gil. You are innately kind and polite…respectful, you care deeply about others. You're an observer more than a participant but my guess is there are times you would like to be more involved…"

"That's just it. I got more involved. After I came back…" He sighed, stretching his comfort zone again with her as he instantly decided to tell her about Sara. "There was a woman; she worked at the lab…for me. We first met about ten years ago at a seminar and I brought her here to investigate a case involving one of my people; she stayed after the case ended. It became clear that she wanted a relationship…or to at least explore the possibility of one but I held her at arms length for years. But after being with you in San Antonio, feeling what you brought out in me…well, that and a few other things that happened here…I decided to open up to her, let her in."

Jenny listened attentively, encouraging him to continue. "She had …issues from her past that made trust difficult and I hadn't helped much with my attitude but slowly things began to change between us. Finally I found the courage to commit and we had two years together. It wasn't easy. We had to keep things a secret because I could have lost my job; I was her supervisor." He paused long enough to confirm that she was following his story. "I'm not used to sharing myself with other people and it was difficult for me, difficult to be close but I was learning. And then things began to happen to take her away from me. I was beginning to burn out and had to take time away. But when I came back, I was even more committed to her." He stopped momentarily as he remembered the happiness of that time with Sara. "But then she was kidnapped and she almost died," he said hurriedly.

Jenny gasped. "How horrible. You must have been….frantic."

He nodded. "I was. But we did find her, just in time. Of course, our relationship came out and while it was a relief to not be hiding it, we were also forced to separate at work, meaning we worked different shifts. The experience brought back pain that she thought she had put behind her but she tried to hide it from me. I knew something was wrong, but I thought it was more about the kidnapping than anything else. I was just so happy that she was still with me. We were going to get married. I had thought about asking her a lot but never could seem to find the right time to ask but then I did, when the bee stung her," he remembered. "After some really tough cases, she burned out and then suddenly one night, she just left. There was a letter for me but that was all."

Jenny was dumbstruck. How could she have left him like that, with just a letter? His expression reflected the pain that he must have felt, still felt over the events. Unsure of what to say, how to comfort him, she sat quietly waiting for him to continue.

Gil's mind had gone back to that night, the memory of the letter and the pain and confusion he had felt. He could still feel that last kiss in the doorway, feel his surprise at her doing that in front of Hodges and the sensation that something was terribly wrong with her. How many times had he replayed that in his mind, wishing that he could hit a pause button and change his response? He should have stopped her then, talked to her, and listened to her. If he had, she might have stayed. But he didn't.

Slowly he became aware of Jenny again. Looking at her, he read sadness in her eyes and empathy, but not pity. He was glad. He didn't want pity. "I called her and we talked. I offered to go to her, talk about things, try to find a way… but she said she didn't want that. So we spent months just talking on the phone and I waited, hoping she would eventually find her way back to me." He paused and sighed. "Then one of our friends was murdered. He…" Gil's face twisted in agony as he remembered the night Warrick died. "He died in my arms…"

Jenny reached across to him, taking his hand and squeezing it, then covering it with her other hand. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Gil looked at her hands as if studying them but his mind was on that night. Sighing, he finished. "She came back…for the funeral. I needed her and it she comforted me but I couldn't get past Warrick's death. I became obsessed with catching his killer and when we did, I just …I withdrew, even from her. I suppose she thought I didn't love her anymore, but I did…I do. She left again, though and I have felt…dead inside for months." He looked into her face. "Then you showed up with Thomas and now I feel…I had forgotten what it is like, feeling. When I look at him, I feel renewed. And when I look at you…"

Their eyes were locked and he could read the question in hers "What?" They said.

"When I look at you, I have hope."

He saw the tears that sat just inside her lids and felt the depth of her compassion. "Hope for what?" She asked quietly.

His eyes narrowed, burrowing into hers, trying to see her soul but instead revealing his own. "Comfort, warmth…we do have a connection…. maybe even one day…maybe love?""

Eyes widening, her head raised a little, tilting back slightly. "Love?" He heard the disbelief in her voice.

"I know that everything is complicated; that we hardly know one another but I feel …comfortable with you…like I can be myself. You don't judge me or expect anything of me. You seem content to let me be me."

"That's not necessarily love, Gil."

"No, it isn't. But I've never felt like this with anyone else. In any other relationships, not that I've had many serious ones; I've always gravitated towards someone who seems to need me. It's like I've felt this need to help…to save the other person, especially Sara. I was attracted to her but it wasn't until I realized how much she needed me that I allowed a relationship."

"Are you saying you think I _need_ you in my life Gil?"

"No, just the opposite; you don't need me. I'm not expected to be something or do something or…anything. I can just be myself and you seem content with that…with me."

"Because I like you the way you are, Gil." Her smile warmed him.

"Like, but not love…" he said dismayed as he cast his eyes down.

Her hand went to his face, capturing his cheek and lifting his face upward. "I didn't say that," she said in a soft voice. "How could I not love you? You gave me a beautiful gift."

A question shown in his eyes but breathless, he couldn't give it words. "You gave me Thomas, Gil. And he is the most precious gift I've ever had from anyone. That night in San Antonio, you opened yourself to me, gave me something rare…especially from you. You let down your defenses and let your feelings out. I know it wasn't love, but I don't believe it was purely lust either. There was a connection between us and for that one night, you put your soul into it. And Thomas was the result. I never look at him without thinking of you. And here you are, baring your soul to me, telling me about Sara and sharing your pain. I realize that isn't an easy thing for you." She sighed and then continued. "Of course I love you. But I can't say I'm 'in love' with you and I don't understand where you want this to go."

Deep within him, life ignited for him again. She did love him and she was open to the possibilities. Gazing at her nervously, he answered. "I want …I don't know either. I just…I'd like to explore the possibilities.."

"What about Sara?"

Closing his eyes, he winced inwardly. Then opening them, he stared deep into hers. "Sara left me…twice. I know part of the blame is mine, but still…she left. Sara is my past. I want you and Thomas to be my future. I know we need to spend more time together; I know we need to understand one another better; I know we need to take our time, but that's what I want."

Before she could respond, Thomas walked into the room groggily. "Can we catch more bugs, Gil Grissom?"

Gil saw Jenny close her eyes as the mood changed and when they opened again, she was Thomas's mother. Smiling, she looked at Gil, waiting for him to answer his son.

"When we go to the park again, Thomas. Right now, let's watch your other movie, okay?"

Thomas climbed the steps and crawled onto the couch, his feet dangling over the edge as he looked at Gil expectantly. Gil inserted the disc and they settled down to watch the movie, a parent on either side of the child. Apprehension filled him as the opening credits ended and the movie began but it drained away when he felt her hand on his shoulder. Glancing in her direction, he saw her arm stretched behind Thomas so that her hand could reach and gently rub him. Using his opposite hand, he took hers and lifted it to his lips; their eyes dancing together as he gently kissed her fingers. Then contently, they leaned back and watched the movie.

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I really appreciate all the wonderful reviews. And so many GSR fans are enjoying the story too; that really makes me feel good because I know how loyal you guys are to your ship. THis chapter was a bit longish but I think it said what I wanted it to say. Hopefully it says something for you too. I checked and the little button is still there. Please continue to use it;-) And if you haven't used it yet...why not?


	8. The Chase

Gil woke several times that night, each time wary. Hank seemed quiet and undisturbed, which gave Gil some peace. He knew that Hank would become agitated if anything were wrong. But the big dog slept peacefully at the end of the couch, relieving Gil's apprehension.

As Gil settled back into sleep, his mind played over his conversations with Jenny. His chest tightened as he thought about her gentleness with him. Many women would have not been so forgiving…yet she held him blameless. She didn't seem to expect anything more from him than what he was willing to give. There had been no mention of him giving up his career or even modifying it. All she expected was that he follow through on his plans for visits. Understandable, he thought; Thomas needed stability and security. A sometimes father that showed up on a whim and made promises he wouldn't keep…well, that was unacceptable.

His thoughts meandered through his time spent with Thomas. The boy was …what? Gil wondered. Amazing? Fascinating? His face flashed into Gil's mind, his inquisitive looks, his gleeful smiles, and his peaceful countenance while he slept. The boy had accepted him without question. No 'where were you' or 'why are you here now', just simple acceptance. Gil's chest began to feel full as he realized that in his son he had found the acceptance that he had wanted all of his life. And then the thought occurred that Jenny also demonstrated the same acceptance. Tears settled in his eyes as these thoughts flowed through his head until finally he drifted back to sleep.

He was awakened again by a whimper from Hank. He had an eerie feeling and slipped his hand beneath his pillow, finding his weapon before opening his eyes. Then slowly, his eyes opened and began to focus. Hank was sitting at the end of the coffee table, whimpering at Thomas who was across the table from Gil. His face was resting in his hands, elbows propped on the table, and blue eyes staring intently at Gil. Once he saw Gil's eyes open, a huge grin broke out on his face. "Good morning, Gil Grissom," he said excitedly. "Are you waked up now? 'Cause Mama said I can't sturb you til you wake up."

Gil blinked. Then sliding his hand from underneath his pillow, he rubbed his eyes. "I'm awake," he said groggily.

Thomas bounced up, scooted around the table, and jumped onto the couch, shaking Gil as he landed. Gil grunted and then attempted to sit up. But Thomas was quicker than Gil and crawled onto Gil's stomach, bouncing again, this time knocking the air out of the man. Gils' eyes rolled in his head as a grunt pushed its way up his torso and out of his mouth. He looked at he boy in confusion, wondering if the boy was taking some of hidden anger out on him. Catching his breath, he grabbed Thomas around his waist and lifted him, setting him down on the table. Then Gil quickly sat up, not willing to let the boy have another chance to deprive him of air.

"Where's your mother?" Gil asked his son.

"She's taking a bath," he declared happily. "She told me not to sturb you until you waked up. So I been waiting."

Gil remembered the small face propped on small hands on his table. "How long?" Immediately he understood the fallacy of the question. A four year old would not have the concept of time to be able to answer.

"Long time," the child answered, eyes wide. "This long," he said holding his hands up, spread far apart.

Gil smiled at the visual. "Thank you…for not disturbing me for such a long time."

Thomas scooted off the table and climbed back onto the couch and into Gil's lap. Snuggling into Gil's chest, he said softly, "I missed you, Gil Grissom. I missed you forever."

Gil wasn't sure if Thomas was referring to missing him that morning or to the four years that he hadn't been there for his son. His hands gathered the boy closer to him and he held the towhead closer to him. "I'm sorry," Gil said. "I'm sorry you missed me."

"Its okay, Gil Grissom," Thomas' muffled voice answered. "Can we go to the park?"

"Have you had breakfast?"

"Noooo," he answered with disappointment.

"So, let's have breakfast. We can make a surprise for Mama. And then we can go to the park." Gil really needed time to collect himself before venturing into public. Breakfast seemed like plenty of time.

Thomas was the designated helper. He stirred the eggs…too much in Gil's estimation but _who cares_, he thought. Gil fried some bacon and stirred the batter for pancakes. _Sara would've pouted if I fixed bacon, _he thought_. "I really missed bacon. I hope Jenny likes it…"_

As if on cue, Jenny walked into the room, hair damp and wavy. Her face looked freshly scrubbed and her eyes sparkled. Something caught in Gil's throat as he took in the sight of her, standing near the island, watching. "Mmmm, smells good in here," she declared, eyeing the meal that was in preparation. "Oooo, my favorite, bacon," she smiled. "And what are you working on, Thomas?" she asked leaning over his bowl.

"Eggs," the boy beamed. "Gil Grissom said I could stir. He said it's a portent job. Have to get it just right," he said proudly.

Jenny's laughter brightened the room as she mussed his hair. "It is very important. A man that knows how to fix a proper breakfast is rare and considered a prize catch," she said to the boy, looking over his head into Gil's twinkling eyes.

"Mama," Thomas whispered. "Maybe you better catch Gil Grissom before some other girl catches him, then. He fixes breakfast real good."

Gil looked at her with a self-satisfied smirk. "Yeah," he agreed. "Real good." The look she gave him was a mixture of vacillation and temptation. His smirk dissolved into a bashful, unassuming smile, his blue eyes wide as he watched her intently, anxiously. Jenny was at a loss as to how to respond. She wasn't ready to commit to anything but was willing to explore the possibilities, as he had suggested the night before. Suddenly inspiration hit her and she grinned. "I believe it is the man's role to do the chasing and catching," she told her son. "The woman works very hard at staying just ahead of the man until she's ready to be caught." She saw Gil's expression change as she spoke. Realization dawned in his countenance and quiet purpose settled in his eyes.

"Then don't run too fast, Mama," Thomas chirped. "I want Gil Griss…" the boy paused and looked from his mother to his father, "I want my daddy to catch you." Two sets of adult eyes darted to the child and then settled on one another. She smiled at him, happy that Thomas had finally referred to him as 'daddy.'

Gil was stunned. The boy had called him daddy. He was a daddy to someone. The reality hit him again that this bright, engaging little guy was his son…a part of him. His attention turned back to the boy and again he resolved to be an important part of the child's life.

Thomas ate quickly, remembering Gil's promise that they would go to the park. Jenny lingered over her breakfast, relishing the meal prepared by the "men." Gil watched her out of the corner of his eye as he ate, still digesting the conversation from before. Thomas wanted her to "catch" his daddy and she wanted him to pursue her. And he wanted…he wasn't sure about what he wanted. It seemed disrespectful to Sara, to what they had shared, for him to even be thinking about another relationship. But he felt himself being drawn in and, if he was honest, he didn't want to fight it.

And why should he, he wondered. He was leaving CSI in a few weeks anyway. That decision had been made a couple of months ago. It wasn't like the job would get in the way this time. The problem was, he didn't know what came next. How would he support a family if things went the way Thomas had suggested? He had enough money stashed away for himself but not for a family. Besides, he was a mess; a burned out shell that was going through the motions. He didn't know who he was anymore. All he knew was that he'd lost his edge that had made him one of the best criminologists in the country. And Forensics had been his life; without the job, he didn't know who he was. How could he ask Jenny to …to what? He mulled over that as he chewed his pancakes. What did he want? What was he hoping for from Jenny?

He was a man that was used to control; control over his emotions, control over his life. Lately he felt as if he had no control. Warrick had died in his arms and he hadn't been in control of anything since. Slowly he had unraveled until there was nothing left. Gil looked across at Thomas. But maybe there was hope for him yet.

Hank and Thomas ran around the park, Hank jumping and licking Thomas as he ran, until the four year old would fall in a fit of laughter. The boy would curl into a ball in a fit of giggles as Hank would circle, darting in for a lick whenever he saw an opportunity. Between giggles, Thomas called to his mother for help and soon she had joined the game. Gil watched from a bench as they played. He hadn't seen Hank so happy and playful in months…since Sara left. But Thomas had changed that, changed Hank's mood, and if Gil were honest with himself he'd admit how much Thomas was changing him.

As if the dog was reading his thoughts, Hank bounced up and loped to his owner, jumping up and planting a huge lick on Gil's face, something that Hank knew he was not supposed to do. Gil recovered from the shock of Hank's attack and heard Thomas and Jenny laughing. Hank turned and charged back to them. Gil sat, stunned until Jenny called to him. "He wants you to play too, Gil…"

Gil's eyebrow shot up. He had never played with the dog like that. Oh, they played tug o' war with a rope toy, or fetch, or other similar games; but Gil had never _romped_ with Hank. He felt a small hand grab his and saw the look of excited anticipation in Thomas' eyes, the child pulling him into the game. Soon he had joined Hank in the assault on Thomas as Jenny tried to 'help' her son. Instead of licking, Gil decided tickling was a more dignified way to score.

They played, rolling and crawling on the ground, Hank circling and Gil using Thomas's distraction with Hank to get in some tickles. His knees were killing him and he felt awkward, but Gil was having fun, even laughing a few times. Then Hank came running around, leaping over Gil and knocking him backwards, into Jenny and knocking her to the ground. She landed flat on her back, laughing uncontrollably. Gil landed on top of her, surprised. She stilled, looking into his eyes and everything around them faded, leaving just the two of them in a little cocoon world as he kissed her.

The sound of Thomas' giggles brought him back to reality and self-consciousness washed over him. Looking away, he moved off her, afraid to see what her eyes would tell him. Shyness and nervousness filled him, making him awkward and unsure of what he should do next. He sat on the grass, not looking at her and trying not to be obvious with his discomfort. And it occurred to him that this was the first time he'd ever been uncomfortable around her…and he had caused it.

He could feel her sitting next to him, watching him. He wanted to turn to her, hold her, and run away at the same time and his gut was in knots as he cursed himself. Then he felt her hand on his back, heard her whisper his name, and slowly he turned, still afraid but needing to see her response to his stupidity.

There were questions in her eyes but he didn't detect any anger; there was a hint of sadness coupled with hope, and in the depths of her blue eyes, he also saw possibilities. Acting from impulse rather than thought, he reached for a tiny piece of grass that was stuck to her cheek, his fingers brushing her skin causing a noticeable tremor to run through her. It matched the one that travelled through him. And then a laughing boy and a barking dog tumbled between them, breaking the magic.

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Hope you are still enjoying. In my view, reviews equal interest. No reviews equal no interest. So, use the little button an dreview if you find this story interesting or if oyu have any comments you'd like to make.


	9. Turning Up the Heat

Jenny was putting Thomas down for a nap when Grissom heard a knock at his door. After retrieving his gun, he checked the peephole to see who was on the other side of the door. He opened the door to Jim Brass.

The detective stepped in and Gil quickly closed the door behind him. The men headed for the kitchen where Gil offered Jim a cup of coffee. "Anything new on the case?" Gil asked as he poured the coffee.

"Yes and…no." Jim answered. "The Blackberry contained propriety information from a company called DataCorp. Evidently it's worth millions. We think our vic, Kyle Allen, was the buyer. It doesn't make sense for the seller to kill him but right now tracking him is the only lead we have to follow. Didn't get any good prints off the Blackberry so that's a dead end. Hopefully DataCorp will be able to help find the seller; you know, after they see the info that was being passed. Maybe he works for them. Archie is going over all the video we could collect, looking for an exchange between Allen and his seller."

"So you think the seller is the perp?"

"It's a possibility, although right now we have no motive. One theory for Allen being killed in Jenny's suite is that Allen slipped the Blackberry into Thomas' bag and he was there trying to get it back. Obviously he never retrieved it."

"Or he might have hidden it on her and was trying to get it back when the killer showed up…" Gil said thoughtfully. "Thomas wasn't at the dinner, so his bag wasn't there."

Jim furrowed his brow. "Yeah, you're probably right. He'd put it somewhere on her, retrieved it, and then slipped it into Thomas' bag."

"So our perp probably knows about Thomas as well as Jenny." That revelation worried Gil at a primal level.

Jim grunted his agreement. "I'm going to put an officer outside, round the clock…as an added precaution."

Gil looked at his friend and understood the added worry. "Thanks Jim. We've tried to be careful but I'm worried."

"Worried about what?" Jenny asked from the doorway. "Has something happened?"

Both men turned towards her, Jim shifting his weight uncomfortably. Gil stepped in her direction. "Jim was filling me in, that's all. They still have some investigating to do. In the meantime, he's putting a uniform on you and Thomas as a precaution."

She looked from Gil to Jim worriedly. "It's that bad…that we need a guard?" Neither man answered, the expressions on their faces were all the answer she needed. Sighing, she turned away. "I wish I had never brought Thomas…"

Gil stepped closer. "Jenny…I'm sorry." She turned towards him, leaning into his chest, tears trickling down her cheeks. "I'm just so scared…for him," she whispered. Jim knew it was time for him to leave; they needed to talk. "So, I'll keep you in the loop," he told Grissom as he departed.

Gil led Jenny to the couch. "You need anything…a drink or something?" he asked.

She shook her head negatively. "I need this to be over…"

He sat beside her, unsure of what to do. "Me too," he sighed. It was then that she began to cry again. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to wipe away the tears. "It's just hard, with Thomas in the middle of all of this, I mean. I just wanted him to meet you…to know who his father is…I never dreamed we'd end up in the middle of anything like this…"

"Nobody ever thinks that they will…" he replied. "But I'm glad you brought Thomas…not that he's involved with the case, but that ….that…he…he's my son."

Jenny looked up at him, studying his face. "Really? Because I've thought you were happy about him…with him; but I wasn't sure. And earlier when you kissed me…I wondered if it was because…"

Gil tilted his head, his brow furrowing. "I kissed you because….I had to; I didn't think, I just….reacted." He looked at her sheepishly.

Shocked, she stared at him. "You had to? Reacted…as in instinctively?"

Her hand went to his cheek. "Do it again, Gil. Not because you have to but because you want to…if you want to, that is."

He felt a flush of heat travel up his neck into his face and simultaneously to his lower regions. He had missed Sara on so many levels, not the least of which was the appeal she held for his baser instincts. The sex between them had been good…and often, a new aspect in his otherwise largely lonely existence. Physically he missed the steady source for release and emotionally, he missed the intense connection to another human being. It was that connection that he missed the most. And Jenny seemed to be offering just that…

He felt his heart racing wildly, enhancing the rush of blood to his groin, as well as setting his skin on fire. He knew his breaths were deepening and he felt like he must look to her like a deer caught in headlights. If he wanted to…the answer was easy. He wanted to kiss her, more than kiss her. He wanted her, wanted to feel the warmth of her body next to his, wanted to sink himself deep within her and feel the connection again, the one he had felt in San Antonio. But would it be fair to her…

His hands shook as he lifted them to either side of her face, losing himself in the welcoming depths of her blue eyes. If he wanted to…God yes, more than wanted, needed…And so he lowered his mouth to hers, ran his tongue along her lips tasting the sweetness of her, and then with her permission, entered her mouth, savoring the sensation. Her response to him was immediate and equally heated. She moaned under his kiss and that's when Gil lost any remaining resolve to remain cautious.

Their kiss intensified, her hands became an extension of her tongue as they travelled over his chest, around his neck, and down his back, pulling him closer to her. He went willingly. He could feel her heat through their clothes and was sure she must feel the same.

His lips left her mouth and travelled to her neck. She tilted her head back, giving him better access and then moaned again as he nuzzled and kissed. Her hands were in his hair now, her fingers caressing him behind his ears, setting off a flood of sensations, all erotic. He moved down the neckline of her sweater his tongue finding the sensitive skin between her breasts, her fingers tightening in his hair as she arched towards him and whispered his name. His hands moved to her mounds; she was so soft and firm at the same time and she smelled…wonderful. And he was losing himself with her. He wanted…needed the deeper connection…to be one….

And then there was a knock at his door. He tried to ignore it but knew that he shouldn't. Easing away from Jenny, he sighed. She was breathing hard and as she looked at him, she began to giggle. "I'll um…just go in the other room," she told him softly as she got up and headed down the steps and disappeared. The knocking began again. Gil retrieved his gun, trying to straighten his shirt at the same time. Glancing down, he decided that he'd need the door for cover for a couple of minutes until his arousal dissipated.

Moving to the door, he looked through the peephole and sighed when he saw the person on the other side. Slowly he opened the door to admit Catherine, slipping his gun behind him. She charged in, talking as she moved, until she reached the top of the steps. "Ecklie says you took time off for a family matter…family? Since when do you have family, Gil?" She turned to look at him and he silently prayed that the evidence of his recent activities had decreased. "You're a mess …are you okay?" she asked.

"I um…" he exhaled in frustration. "Which question should I answer first, Catherine?"

She smirked at him. "Pick one…"

"I'm fine." He said, a smug grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"And a family?"

Gil opened his mouth to speak when a small voice spoke from the bottom of the steps. "Da…Gil Grissom…" Thomas said groggily. "Who is that lady?"

Catherine's jaw fell open. Gil smirked and then looked down at his son. "She's my friend Thomas. Would you like to meet her?"

Thomas climbed the steps and ran past Catherine to Gil, grabbing his leg and clinging tightly. "She's your friend?" he asked looking up. Gil sat down on the couch and gathered the boy in his arms. Thomas burrowed into Gil, hiding his head in his father's chest. "Yes, this is my friend Catherine."

Thomas turned his head to peek at Catherine. Catherine just stared at the boy. "Catherine," Gil offered, "this is Thomas."

"Gil… he looks…he has to be… is he…" Catherine tried to get a question out but couldn't seem to collect her words.

"Yes, Catherine. He is my son." Gil looked at her smugly, his eyes twinkling in the face of Catherine's obvious befuddlement.

Slowly she eased down into the chair that sat near the couch, her eyes never leaving the boy. Finally, her mind seemed to come into focus and her gaze returned to Gil. "But…how….when? Who's…?"

"Gil, is Thomas in there with you?" Jenny called out as she walked into the lower room. "He must have gotten up from his nap while I was…"

"He's with me," Gil answered.

Jenny started up the steps. Catherine turned to see who this woman was that had born Gil's child. Both women froze when they recognized one another. "It's you…" Catherine said, surprised.

"Oh right, you two have met…over the case," Gil stated. Catherine turned and looked at him curiously. "This is why you excluded yourself from the case?"

Gil nodded. "Yes."

"And the need for Family Leave?"

"Jim wanted them in a safe place with around the clock protection. I thought I was the best choice. We're trying to keep the number of people who know where they are to a minimum."

"So how…when did you two…?"

His eyes began to twinkle again. "San Antonio; I was at a conference…"

"Wait, I remember that trip. You came back acting a little weird…. weird even for you." She was smiling now.

Jenny had moved up the steps and was standing by the window. She looked nervously from Catherine to Gil and then back to Catherine. It was obvious these two shared something special. Briefly, she wondered why he wasn't with Catherine.

Gil grinned. "You'll keep quiet about this until the case is solved?"

"Of course," Catherine said. "You know you could have told me though. All this time, you've had a son," she said shaking her head.

"I just found out, Cath. And I was planning to tell you…when…"

"…The case was solved," she finished for him, still smiling.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Okay then, well, I suppose I have a case to solve…for my friend and his family," she said as she stood.

"Thanks Cath."

Catherine smiled at him. Then turning to Jenny, she winked. "I hope you know what you're getting into. He can be…difficult."

Jenny smiled. "Right now we're just concentrating on Thomas getting to know his father."

Catherine appraised her coolly. "Yeah…" Then turning back to Grissom she smirked. "Always full of surprises, aren't you?" He shrugged and grinned slyly as he stood and walked her to the door. His expression changed, displaying tenderness and affection. "Have to keep you guessing…" He heard her chuckle as she disappeared through the door. Thomas lifted his head after Catherine left. "Is she trying to catch you, Gil Gri…Daddy?"

Jenny turned away, laughing. Gil stared at his son, confused. "No Thomas. We've known each other for a long time and we're good friends… like family."

Thomas studied his father's face closely and then turned toward his mother. "You better catch him fast Mama. That lady is trying to catch him too."

GRISSOMISLEAVINGANDITSUCKS!GRISSOMISLEAVINGANSITSUCKS!GRISSOMISLEAVINGANDITSUCKS!

Reviews please. Remember, reviews inspire me;-)


	10. Following the Visit

The trio had settled for the afternoon. Gil was stretched out on his couch, reading an entomology journal. Jenny had borrowed his laptop to answer some e-mails and take care of some business with her stores. Hank was sleeping on the floor with Thomas propped against him, using the dog as a pillow. Thomas was flipping through one of Gil's insect guide books, studying the pictures and occasionally asking his father "what's this bug?" Gil had just answered the latest query but instead of returning to his journal, his eyes gazed out over his glasses at his son, simply watching.

Thomas was counting legs on each creature and quietly classifying between "spider" and "bug" in his soft, barely audible voice. Briefly, Gil wondered where he'd learned that spiders have eight legs while insects have six, but it was only the briefest of thoughts. Otherwise his mind was blank, his consciousness preoccupied and unable to think. So caught in the moment, Gil was mesmerized and content to simply watch. Slowly he became aware of someone watching him and reluctantly, he shifted his gaze from Thomas to Jenny, who was peering out over the screen of the laptop, watching him watch their son. Their eyes met, his becoming moist, as the two connected over emotions for which he had no name. He felt bound to her uniquely, through their son, loved and loving because of the life they had created, albeit accidentally, but still…they had made this little creature together. Pride mingled between them but something greater than pride, since Gil considered pride to be a selfish thing and what he felt had nothing to do with self. And commitment…yes, Gil discerned commitment there too because deep within he knew that he was forever bound to these two, no matter what happened between Jenny and him. And it was then that he knew with certainty; he wanted this…this life…with Jenny and Thomas. Love could grow between them and he could have the happiness that had eluded him for so long; science would not win this time.

Then Thomas was at his side, showing him another picture and asking about the bug in it. Gil answered his latest query, expecting Thomas to settle back on the floor with Hank, but instead, the boy climbed onto the couch with him, kneeing him in the stomach as the small body crawled across, settling between the man and the back of the couch. Wiggling into place, Thomas forced his way into the space between Gil's body and his arm, resting his head on Gil's shoulder. Befuddled at first, Gil accepted the boy's presence so close to him as he basked in the wonder of the moment.

Again, his eyes sought Jenny's, who were still watching with understanding. "They do that you know," she said softly. His expression encouraged her to continue. "Children…there is no worry about yesterday for them… and no tomorrow; they force us to live in the moment…right now, this moment."

He understood. Two days ago, he wouldn't have but right now, in this moment, he understood. And he decided that moments like this one were what he wanted the rest of his life to be about…moments with Thomas…and with Jenny.

That evening the three of them were in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Actually, Gil and Jenny were preparing dinner; Thomas was contributing to the mess. As he worked with Jenny on the casserole, Gil couldn't stop smiling. This was fun, this was …happy and consequently, he moved around the kitchen with a silly smile plastered to his face.

Later, Jenny offered to clean up after dinner if Gil would help Thomas with his bath and bedtime. Jenny was finished in the kitchen long before Gil was finished with Thomas, but he didn't mind. In fact, he was rather happy to find her lounging on the couch after he had finished Thomas' bedtime story. "Is he asleep?" she asked as he appeared.

"Almost," Gila answered quietly, more interested her outstretched form than the scene he had left in the bedroom.

She bolted down the steps to kiss her son good night, leaving a grinning man behind. _She'll be back_, he told himself. _And then I'll have her to myself for awhile_.

Gil was replacing his insect guide to the shelf when she returned. She stood behind him, perusing the titles on his shelf. "Looking for a good mystery?" she asked.

"I have one playing out for me right here," he smirked.

Then her eyes settled on a larger volume and as her hand reached for it, she asked, "what's this?"

Gil blanched as he saw what she was pulling from the shelf. "Ah… a picture album…" His comfort level was dropping rapidly.

"Oh really"…she said, sadism lacing her voice. "Hmmm…" she purred as she settled on the couch with the book. Flipping it open, she saw a picture that had to be of his parents. She heard his groan as he settled next to her. "Do we have to do this?" he asked.

Glancing up, she smiled. "Yes. I need to know where Thomas came from…"

Gil's bright blue eyes suddenly darkened as he contemplated the answer to that question. Looking toward her abdomen, his mood shifted as his blood pressure went into high gear.

"As I recall," he said as his hand went to her belly, "…he came from…."

She giggled…she actually giggled; the sound filled him with euphoria. He liked the sound of her giggle. Her hand covered his but she still managed to turn the page in the book, her eyes settling on a picture of him when he was about Thomas' age. "Wow," she said, awestruck. "He really does look like a carbon copy of you…"

Looking at the old photo, he silently conceded the fact. "I just hope he doesn't get the premature grey like I did. Seems like I've been grey forever."

She tilted her head, to see his grey better and smiled. "I thought the grey tints were very sexy when I first saw you in San Antonio," she admitted. "It just seemed to be right for you."

He smirked. "Yeah, tints…not the all out effect that I seem to be cursed with now."

Her expression changed, sadness covering her face. "It's not the grey hair that worries me now; it is the grey that colors your face, your expression… the defeat in your eyes Gil. What happened to take away the vivacity that I saw in San Antonio?"

He sighed sadly. "Well, I told you about Sara…and about Warrick. But it was starting even before all of that. Jim was almost killed and I had to make the heavy decisions about his treatment. And Catherine and her daughter…they were kidnapped by someone seeking revenge on her father. But even before that, I was burning out. I took a break…taught a 4 week class at Williams College; revisited the land of Thoreau and gave myself a chance to recharge. I came back feeling good about things…and about Sara. The time away brought my feelings about her into focus for me. But it wasn't long before things began to fall apart again. I've been slowly crumbling inside since. A few weeks ago, I handed in my resignation. I'll leave CSI soon. There are a couple of case files that need concluding and then I'm out."

Jenny studied his expression intensely before responding. "You're sure this is what you want? I mean, it has been your life …"

Gil nodded. "Yes, I want my life to be about the living, not the dead. And now…I want a large part of it to be about Thomas." He watched as concern filled her face. Something about his declaration was bothering her and it made him nervous. What if she didn't want him mixing in Thomas' life so much? But she had seemed agreeable earlier…

"It's just a huge thing for you to commit to in a very short time, Gil. It concerns me. It is such a drastic change for you. And what else will you do? What about a job? A new career?"

"I haven't decided about a new job yet. I've had a few offers to teach and offers from some journals to write periodically. Part of me wants to go back to the rainforest and explore insect life there. Part of me wants to do research. Sometimes I think of retiring completely. But my feelings about Thomas are very clear to me. You managed the drastic change…committing to him above everything else. I think I'm capable of the same commitment."

Jenny smiled weakly. "I had nine months to adjust to the idea. You just found out about him and you are ready to make big changes for him…"

"My life is changing anyway. Jenny, I want this…I want to put Thomas at the center of my life…Thomas and…" Suddenly he was afraid to continue, afraid to say what he was thinking, feeling. He sighed, his eyes focusing on her reaction to him, hoping.

She seemed to concede. Softly she muttered, "We'll see how it goes." Then she turned her attention back to the book. Turning another page, she smiled at a picture of Gil as a young boy with his father, holding up a fish. The caption read "Big Catch" and both Grissoms were smiling. Jenny smiled and glanced at Gil as he looked at the picture. "That was the first fish I ever caught," he told her. "Dad used to take me fishing with him. After he died, it was years before I went fishing again. That's one of the things I hope to have more time for now that I won't be consumed by my job."

"Fishing?" She looked at him disbelieving.

"Yeah, you have something against fishing?"

"No, not really. I mean, it's not my thing, but I see where others enjoy it. I just don't see you as a fisherman." Her expression was light, almost laughing at him.

"I want to try fly fishing. I've never done that but it seems…interesting." He had a far away look on his face and Jenny felt like mentally he was already thigh deep in some stream, casting his line.

"I'm sure you will be good at it," she smiled. He looked at her quizzically. "I imagine you are good at anything that you set your mind to."

His eyes clouded as sadness cast a shadow over him. "Not relationships, apparently," he said quietly.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. You have two people who are apparently great friends…Captain Brass and your friend Catherine. They both seem to be heavily invested in your friendship. I'm sure there are others too. And you are developing a relationship with Thomas…"

"And with you?" He looked scared as he asked, she thought.

"…And with me. Although, I can't say where it is going right now but…there is something there."

Gil took a deep breath, realizing that he had been holding his breath for her response. He wanted to say more, do more, but his natural reticence took over so he just sat there staring at her, feeling a little foolish.

Her attention turned back to the album. She flipped through a few more pages until she came on a picture of him all bundled up for winter weather and a snowball in his hand. He was laughing at whoever took the picture. As she looked closer, she realized the picture was taken in a park, filled with snow. There were children in the shot behind him on sleds. Apparently, he had been engaged in a snowball fight since there were signs of splattered snow on his coat. She smiled as she looked up at him. "This wasn't here?"

He grinned as he looked down to see the picture. "No," he chuckled. "That was when I was working in Minneapolis. Two of my friends and I spent our lunch break at a park nearby and a snowball fight broke out. Hmmm," he mused. "I had forgotten that day."

"You looked…happy."

He tilted his head as he looked again at the picture. "I was. I was working for one of the leading forensic specialists in the country, with some great people. There was enough crime to keep things interesting but not so much that it ate at you. And…well, it just wasn't as weird as some of the things that I've had to deal with here. I was younger and I suppose a bit more…optimistic."

"Any romantic interests there?" she asked, jokingly.

"Actually there was a girl I dated for awhile but it never really went anywhere."

"No chemistry?"

"Too much chemistry and little else."

"Ah, so you were a player back then?"

She was openly mocking him now and he was enjoying it. His blue eyes began to sparkle as he contemplated the answer to her question. "I was waiting for the right woman," he replied, matching her tone.

"And now…are you still waiting?"

He looked stunned and then his expression changed to confusion. His brows knitted as he tried to decipher her intent. And then the crinkle around his eyes began to lessen and a more relaxed expression settled over his face. "I thought Sara was the one, but…well, obviously not. Otherwise I would have gone after her when she left the first time."

"So, you're still waiting?"

"Who says there is a 'right woman' for me? Maybe I'm meant to be alone."

Jenny looked at him seriously. He didn't seem to be sad or angry as he made his statement. If anything, he seemed a little…lighthearted. "Maybe," she conceded. "Or maybe somebody needs to come along and give you a good swift kick in the pants…"

His eyebrows shot up and then he began to chuckle. "Maybe," he said. "Or maybe I just need to trust my instincts for a change and not over think it."

"And what are your instincts telling you now, Gil?"

"Now…" he said as his finger traced a line along her cheek. "Right now?" His eyes seemed to be taking in the tiniest details of her face as she nodded. "Right now…just this," he said as he leaned in and kissed her.

THECOUNTDOWNISGETTINGSHORTERANDGRISSOMISLEAVINGANDITREALLYSUCKS!

So, what do you think about this one? Please, please use the little button. I'm already depressed about what is about to happen with our guy on the small screen. I need a fanfic uplift. Of course, if Gil Grissom were to move to my little corner of the country, it wouldn't be so depressing, lol.


	11. Getting to Know You

"I want to know all about you," he said quietly as their kiss ended. He rested his forehead on hers, his lips just centimeters from hers, their breaths mingling. "You know so much about me but I don't think I know much about you…"

Jenny grinned. "Well, if I had all ten of my photo albums…"

Gil smirked. "Try the abridged version."

"Well, I didn't look anything like Thomas when I was little. I never went fishing…wait, cancel that. I did fish once at summer camp but I didn't catch anything. I majored in Political Science in college and started grad school but lost patience with the politics of the department and bailed. I was afraid I was becoming one of them."

Gil straightened up, his fingertip returning to her face. "You didn't like the politics?"

"No, I didn't. I hated their stupid games." She was enjoying his touch. "I took my B.S. in poli sci to D.C. and found a job at a legal firm. Got a certificate as a paralegal and worked on some pretty interesting cases. Then a few years ago, a case came across the desk that really got my attention. It was a suit against a private school in Northern Virginia." She paused to collect her thoughts as he distracted her, his finger tracing her lips. "This guy had gone all the way through the school, graduated, and then couldn't hold a job anywhere. It seems he got passed up the system, just like happens in public school sometimes. But in this case, his parents were paying a tidy tuition for his education and got nothing in return. It got me interested in education. I went back to school, took the classes required for a teaching certificate and went to work in the public school system. I took a position in Allegheny County. It is a largely rural area with few jobs and no prospects. It was real eye opener." She took his finger between her lips, her tongue circling his tip. Then she released his finger as she continued. "Ah…mmm…" He leaned in again, this time, teasing her earlobe. "Then I moved back to NoVa and taught there for two years." Her voice was raspy as she tried to continue. "The difference was amazing. All kinds of money was being thrown at these students, but the results weren't really all that better. I began to…um…. "He was nuzzling her neck and driving her insane. "…realize that the problem was not in the dollars spent, but how the student's days are spent. They aren't being taught how to think anymore…just to regurgitate on standardized tests. Ah," she gasped as he nibbled just below her ear. "I got the itch to open my own business, researched the market for early childhood education toys, and looked for a good market. I think the rest you know…" His lips were on hers again.

As they kissed, Gil's entire body tingled. Desire was heating him and pushing him to be bolder. He wanted to give into it, but caution held him back. Slowly he withdrew from her, the warmth between them beckoning him back. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked into hers. "And romance…"

He watched as her expression clouded and she withdrew from him. "Jenny?" he asked, suddenly wary.

"I've…um…dated a few men," she said quietly.

"Dated? No one serious?" The mood had changed; her discomfort was palatable.

"There was a guy in college, but…I realized that we'd never make it long term. So I broke up with him. I dated some in D.C. but never seemed to find anyone that…well, that I could really connect with…" Gil listened, watching her face, his fingers playing down her arm as she spoke. "…and then…" she grew quiet.

His hand stilled. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. "And then?" he asked gently.

Tears began to seep out of her eyes and inch down her cheeks. "There was one man…from the law firm…I thought …we were so good together…and then…" she paused, took a deep breath, and continued. "…One night he raped me…"

Gil swallowed hard, bile rising in his throat. "Jenny, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…to…"

"No Gil…if we're going to explore the possibility of a relationship, then…well, you needed to know."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him, wondering if that was the right move with a rape victim. "I'm so sorry, so sorry," he whispered, choking back the tears that threatened him.

"Its past, Gil. But for a long time…well, I think you can understand that I wasn't interested in men…romance in general." Her arms went around him, holding him close to her, needing his understanding.

Finally, he braved another question. "What changed? What made you decide to risk it again?"

"You," she whispered. "You changed how I felt."

He sat up, looking at her quizzically. "Me?"

"When I saw you in San Antonio…there was something about you that made me want to know you. And when you sat with me at the table and we talked…I knew that you wouldn't hurt me. There is such a gentleness about you…I was right too. You didn't hurt me. You were very…considerate. You reawakened feelings that I hadn't felt in years and you made me feel…desirable as something other than an object to be used. I hadn't been able to trust for years but you changed that…"

"That night with you…I discovered feelings I didn't know I was capable of," Gil told her. "It was an amazing night for me…I've never forgotten it."

"There hasn't been anyone since then," she confided.

"No one?" He was surprised. "But why not? You are so beautiful, so… incredible. There had to be men who were interested…"

"But none that I found interesting. Besides, I am a single mother. A lot of guys can't deal with that. And …well, no one seemed as safe as you did."

Gil quirked an eyebrow. "Not all men would be happy to be told they seem safe."

"You're not like all men…"

"Jenny…I am different but not in the way you are saying. I...well, most of my life I've been alone…a loner. I don't know how to …to interact with others. Over the last few years, I've been trying to learn but whenever it comes right down to it…to the important stuff, I fail. I was so absorbed in my job, in the Science, nothing mattered more…"

"You're interacting with me now. Besides Gil, you've already told me you are leaving the job. But it is a part of who you are. And even though you are leaving, the experiences have shaped you. I will never ask you to be anyone different. If you change because new experiences bring change, then so be it. But I was attracted to you in San Antonio because of who you were then, and now…I'm still attracted to you. I find the present day Gil Grissom very…intriguing. I suppose what I am trying to say is…if you _need_ to make changes because that is what _you_ need, then go for it. But if you think that you have to make changes for me, then don't. If things are going to have a chance between us, we have to be honest with each other and with who we are. I'm sure we both will have some adapting to do, but then most people in a relationship do."

"But…I'm …I don't …."

She covered his lips with her finger. "Are you happy with who you are?" Her hand went to his cheek, resting in his beard.

His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes darkened. "I …don't know anymore. I was, until everything began to fall apart."

"Then do what you need to do to find yourself again, Gil. But don't try to become someone you think I want you to be. Just be yourself. I kind of like that guy, you know…"

His expression melted her. His eyes were so warm, so gentle. He seemed genuinely pleased with her comment. And as she looked into his eyes, she felt a unity of spirit, as if tiny tendrils of their souls had intertwined, making them one.

Gil felt the convergence also. She looked at him with such trust, such confidence; his heart swelled as his mind quieted. He was lost in this moment with her, lost in her. Never in his life had he felt more connected, more accepted, less alone.

He leaned further into her hand, basking in the warmth of her touch, his eyes closing as he concentrated on her touch. And then he felt her lips on his, soft and warm. He took a deep breath, his heart was racing and yet he felt relaxed, comfortable in the sensation of her. Her lips were sensual, amorous, and unhurried. His arms moved around her, holding her to him, the warmth of her body saturating his own. He was aware of the faint scent of lavender that emanated from her, filling his nostrils. He forced himself to hold back, welcoming her handling, reveling in her care, feeling life within him…life that had evaded him for months. She tasted light and clean, unburdened. And she was kissing him, pouring her feelings into the contact, telling him that he was valued, cherished for who he was, perhaps even loved. And he felt whole again. Tears seeped from underneath his eyelids as he comprehended these things.

Gil broke the kiss. His need to hold her closer was the cause. Tightening his arms around her, he pulled her to him, holding her as close as he could. "Jenny," he whispered. There was so much he felt, so much he wanted to say, but all he could do was hold her. He just needed to hold her. Sensing his need, Jenny relaxed into his arms, her hands moving to his back, gently stroking the length of it. "It's okay Gil. I think I understand….its okay."

"No, no you don't understand…" She pulled back, looking at him, confused. "All my life," he continued, "my work was everything…all consuming. I rarely got past a first date because of my work. And the few women I thought I was serious about…well, when it came to choosing between the girl and the science, I chose the science. Gradually, I closed myself off from people, from feeling, from living. And then Sara came along. She was persistent and kept pursuing me. I tried…" he fought back a sob. "I tried to keep her at arms length, but eventually she broke through my defenses. I risked everything, my career, my reputation, my soul to be with her. And then she left me; it hurt but I kept hope alive through our phone conversations. It felt good to know there was someone who loved me, that I wasn't alone anymore…except I was. Then she came back for the funeral. And…and I knew…almost as soon as she reappeared, I knew she would leave again. She wanted me to go too but I couldn't leave. We were already two people down; I had a responsibility to the lab, to my team…I couldn't leave. Besides, we'd been through hell together, I just couldn't leave…not then. But she couldn't wait…she needed to go; and I had to let her go."

He sighed. Jenny took his hand in hers and then covered it with her other hand, pulling it to her heart. "You loved her so much, maybe too much," she said. "Not many people can love that selflessly, Gil…love enough to let the other one go…"

"I kind of pushed her away," he confessed. "I knew she couldn't handle things here. She got caught up in the victims of a case she'd processed years ago and trusted the people instead of the evidence. The evidence never lies, people do. It was hurting her to be here, in the middle of that…but…I couldn't say the words, to end it, I mean. I…wasn't strong enough. So I shut her out, pushed her away…made her leave. I know it hurt her…"

She shouldn't have expected you to drop everything and go with her, Gil. She had to have known that you couldn't…it's a part of your make up, part of who you are…Besides, I think it hurt you just as much."

The sadness in his eyes turned them dark, but as he looked at her, she saw something spark. "You do understand…me, I mean." He sounded mildly surprised.

"I understand that for many men, their work defines them, it is a large part of who they are. It isn't easy for them to turn their backs on that. And for you, it hasn't been just a part; it's been everything. To expect you to just let go of that was foolish. Besides, you are a methodical person. You needed time to process the decision. If she had found a way to stay here with you for a while, you would have chosen her, I believe. But she couldn't…or wouldn't. Her needs came first, for her and for you. Loving like that, so purely…it had to be heartbreaking."

Relief flooded him. She watched as he relaxed, the tension draining from his body. "It was." His free hand caressed her face, filling his need to touch her. "Do you think…could you love me, commit to me, knowing a part of my heart belongs to someone else? I know it isn't fair to ask that of you, but…it is the truth."

She closed her eyes as she formulated an answer. His touch was so gentle, so restrained, and so full of emotion. She knew she needed to answer honestly, carefully. But her answer came to her quickly. "You have a very large heart, Gil. I already knew that a part of it belongs to Catherine. Seeing the two of you together…it was obvious."

"It was?" He looked startled. "I…we never…"

She smiled. "I know. I think it has surprised you to discover that you are capable of such deep emotions. In a way, you are on a journey…discovering a part of yourself that you never acknowledged before. Can I accept that you will never totally be mine? It would be difficult. I'm not as unselfish as you are. But I think I know you well enough to say that if you committed to me, you would never act on your feelings for Sara or for Catherine. Besides, how could I condemn you for your capacity to love…and forgive, when it is such a large part of what attracts me to you in the first place?"

Tears welled in his eyes and his voice cracked as her said softly, "Jenny, please… I don't want to be alone anymore. Please tell me that…"

"That I love you? Yes Gil. I've loved you since the night we met. And being here with you now, watching you with Thomas…just watching you, what I feel for you is growing. You've said you want to explore the possibilities; so do I…very much."

Gil leaned back into the couch and pulled her close to him so that her head was resting on his chest. He rested his chin on her head, getting a whiff of her fruit scented shampoo. "Gil?'

"Mmmm?"

"If we decide to make a go of it…promise me…," she said quietly.

"Promise what?" he mumbled.

"That we'll do some of this everyday," she cooed.

Tightening his hold on her, he answered. "Everyday?" He thought about good it felt to hold someone again, how fulfilling. "Yeah…everyday."

csiwithoutgrissomislikearacecarwithoutanengine.

So, things are moving along. What's next? Use the little button; it keeps the juices going. I'm a review junkie, the more I get the more I crave so I write faster to make it happen. As always, your comments are important to me.


	12. Dreams and Nightmares

I'm sure you will all recognize the dialogues and excerpt from Sara's note from past episodes…all the creation of the CSI writers. I've borrowed them for this story, but the imagery and life given to the words belong solely to the writers and actors who created these scenes.

GRISSOMISAWESOMEGRISSOMISAWESOME

Gil dreamed that night on the couch…dreams of the past.

_It's sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us. Couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives. _Weariness and despair echoed in his own voice as his dream continued. _The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our _

_latex gloves._

_We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then, all of a sudden ... we get a second chance. _

_Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody ... _Debbie Marlin's face flashed in his mind…or was it Sara's? _... we could care about. She offers us a new life with her ... but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything _

_we've worked for in order to have her. _

_I couldn't do it ...but you did. You risked it all ... and she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away ... and you were lost. _

His mind moved forward…to his office. He was holding her letter.

_Gil ... You know I love you. I feel I've loved you forever. Lately ... I haven't been feeling very well. Truth be told, I'm tired._…

_I'm so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it off, I'm left with the feeling that ... I have to go. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know I have to do this…_

_Our life together was the only home I've ever really had. I wouldn't trade it for anything…_

_Good-bye._

Tears began to seep down his face but he continued to dream. They were in his office…

_Sooner or later a relationship in statis withers. You get angry. You need more than the safety of knowing that you're not alone._

Her expression told him that his words had hurt…_Then he should have walked away, _she replied.

_Maybe he couldn't. Maybe he needed her to leave him, _he heard himself say._  
_

_Who are we talking about right now? _He wasn't sure.

Gil shifted and consciousness crept in as he became aware of warmth next to him. _Sara? _His befuddled mind tried to make sense of things. And then he caught a whiff of her hair and a smile worked at the corners of his mouth. "Jenny," he said quietly. Her head was on his shoulder, her arm across his chest. His own arm was wrapped around her, trapped against the back of the couch, and had fallen asleep. The tingling was becoming painful and he needed to move it but he didn't want to waken her. Besides, she felt so good next to him, so warm, so… easy. Love had never been so easy for him before, he realized. There had always been things in the way…his job, the Science, Sara's past, Catherine's marriage and the problems that followed…his own reticence and inability to work past it all. But not this time, he vowed. This time, he was all in from the start. And he would make it work…somehow, he had to. He was tired of being alone.

He managed to work his arm free and eased himself off the couch. Hank lifted his head and watched from the corner as Gil made his way down to the bathroom. When he came back, she was awake, sitting on the couch, looking around for him. She relaxed and smiled as she spotted him on the steps. "I thought I'd lost you," she said quietly.

"No…um, bathroom…" he said a little shyly.

"Yeah…my turn," she said happily as she got up. As she passed him on the stairs, she turned and gave him a little peck on the lips, then scurried away.

He had stretched out on the couch again when she returned. She sat next to him, her hand resting on his chest, her fingers teasing him through the fabric of his tee shirt. Slowly she bent down, her lips finding his. Her lips felt like feathers on his as she barely touched him, electricity sparking between them. He closed his eyes, reeling in the sensation, feeling blood rush through his body, his head spinning. She continued to tease him, her feather kisses deepening only slightly, making him want more. He wanted her so much, he couldn't hold back. He needed her, needed the closeness, the connection…

So he kissed her, deeply. And she responded with equal fervor, equal need. He pulled her closer, his hands running down her back, caressing her as they went. He wanted to touch her, needed the feel of her skin, and so he lifted her top, seeking the warmth beneath. "Jenny," he whispered between kisses. Her hands worked beneath his shirt, her fingertips searing his skin. And suddenly they were gone. She lifted herself off him, her hands pulling at the hem of her top, pulling it over her head, revealing her breasts to him. He felt his body's reaction, his groin growing warm and his hips digging into the cushion. He knew that his physical need for her was very noticeable by now, but his emotional need for her was even greater.

She sat there for a moment, exposed and vulnerable, her blue eyes sparkling, her face flushed with the same need he was feeling. Their eyes locked and he felt her hand on his cheek, her fingers in his beard. His head moved, nudging against her hand, relishing her touch, but his eyes never left hers. "Gil," she said softly. "I love you. I feel as if I've always loved you…been waiting for you all of my life…" She took a deep breath. "When you are ready…I want…, I mean, I hope…" He pulled her to him, understanding her hope; it was his hope too. "I'm ready now, Jenny. I want it too. I want you…forever."

A knock at the door interrupted their lovemaking. It began softly but became louder. And slowly, Gil disentangled himself from her; except it wasn't her…He sat up, shaking his head, the fog of sleep dissipating and consciousness overtaking him. He had been hugging his pillow, he realized. The dream was just that…a dream. Jenny had gone to bed, his bed…in the other room, hours ago and he had been left alone. And as his head cleared, awareness overtook his thoughts…an awareness of a deep ache; he physically ached for her, for her presence, her warmth…her love.

The knocking at the door continued. Slipping his pistol from its resting place, he approached the door and peered through the peephole. Sighing deeply and with a shrug he opened the door to Jim Brass.

Jim took one look at his disheveled appearance and chuckled. "Did I wake you?"

Gil turned, leaving the door open for the detective to enter and trudged back to the couch. "Yeah…but I was having a dream and probably needed to wake up anyway," Gil answered.

"Must've been quite a dream…" Jim smirked.

Gil looked at him confused. "What?"

"You were totin' two pistols at the door, one of them cocked and ready to fire," Jim grinned. "Made me wonder if I wanted to come in or not." Jim looked at his befuddled friend and knew he had missed the joke. "Guys our age aren't supposed to have that happen, you know…more of a teenage thing…"

"Speak for yourself," Gil snapped. "I was dreaming about Sara and then about…." Gil decided to keep the last part to himself.

Jim looked at his friend speculatively. "Yeah…it's the then part I worry about. You're supposed to be protecting her Gil, not boinking her. You get caught up in her and you might miss something…"

Gil's look told Jim that he'd made his point. On the one hand, Gil looked stunned, naivety blanketing his features. On the other, humiliation shown in his eyes. Jim didn't think he'd ever seen anyone look so innocent and so guilty at the same time.

"I didn't…we….she's…" Gil stuttered and then gave up. "Okay."

Jim decided to move on. "Anyway….I came over because we caught a break in the case. Thought you might want to hear…"

Gil's eyes fixed on his friend, his mind suddenly clear and alert. "A break?"

"Yeah, the Blackberry belonged to a Charles Daly, who worked for DataCorp. He didn't show up at the job last Tuesday and a Missing Persons report was filed with the authorities. But there were no leads…until today. His body was found in an abandoned house out on Industrial. He's been dead at least two days."

"Do you think he killed Kyle Allen?"

"Don't know, but we think Allen was the middle man. It's more likely that his buyer is the killer. Allen was supposed to deliver the goods and didn't have 'em, the buyer or one of his soldiers followed Allen and killed him in Jenny's room. But who killed Daly?" Jim looked pointedly at him. "Anyway, Nick and Greg are going over the scene. One thing they found at the hotel though…"

"In Jenny's room?" Gil's eyes focused on the detective.

"Ah, yeah. And you're not going to like it…"

Gil's eyes narrowed as he waited to hear what Jim had to say. Jim took a deep breath before continuing. "There was evidence of recent sexual activity…very recent." Gil blanched. "How recent?" he asked.

Jim sighed. "That night. The lab ran the DNA…it matches Allen. But we need a sample from her…"

"You…you think they …that she…" Gil couldn't get it out. His mind was reeling. Part of the reason she had come to Vegas was to see him, surely she wouldn't…but then she had done something like that before…in San Antonio…with him. Had she done the same with this Allen guy? But she'd said she didn't know him…they'd had dinner because he had a product he wanted to show her. Yeah, he had a product to show her alright….

Suddenly the room was closing in on him and breathing was becoming difficult. He was falling for her…and hard, and she had…had…what? Was she involved in the whole thing or was Allen just a one nighter as he'd been five years before? Inside, Gil was crumbling

"Gil? I thought I heard voices…" she said from below. He looked over the rail and saw her standing just inside the room, looking up. A lump formed in his throat. He wanted to be angry but as he looked at her, all he could feel was sad.

She made her way up the steps and stood at the top. "Um, we need a DNA sample," Jim told her.

She studied his face as he spoke and then glanced at Gil. "Why?"

Gil averted his eyes. He couldn't look at her. "I have some swabs in my kit. I'll get one," he said as he headed out to his car to get one from his kit.

Jenny looked at Jim. "I'll ask again…why?"

"We… ah, found evidence of sexual activity in your room…recent activity. Kyle Allen was one of the ah…participants. We need to identify the other."

"And you think I…?"

"Well, it was _your_ room…" Jim replied.

They stood uncomfortably, waiting for Gil to return with the swab. Jim watched as he reentered the room, with his CSI mask planted on his face. Jenny tried to get him to look at him, seeking his eyes with her own. The lack of emotion she saw on his face frightened her. "Gil?" Her eyes were pleading.

"I need to get a sample. Open your mouth please." His eyes were on her mouth, still not meeting hers. Gil was fighting to maintain his mask. He felt sick inside. What if she had…what if the sample matched her DNA? What then? He wanted to believe that she hadn't …but it was her room. And so far, she hadn't denied it.

Once he had taken the sample, she put her hand on his arm. "It won't match," she told him quietly.

As he looked at her hand on his arm, his only thought was that people lie, the evidence never does. Carefully he capped the swab and handed it to Jim, who studied his face as the sample was handed over. It startled the detective. His friend's expression was poignant and hopeless.

ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnohnoohnoohnoohno

So what do ya think, huh, huh? How'd you like his dream(s)? What do ya think hapens next? More sap or do things need to heat up? Tell me, tell me what you think.... yes, the little button is still there, now use it! LOL.


	13. Getting It Right

Gil watched Jim leave. Jenny was watching Gil. When he didn't turn to face her, she sighed and then started down the steps. Gil sensed her movement and turned. He stepped closer to the stairs, willing her to stay. He wanted her to…to what… deny it? Again? Why was he having such a difficult time believing her? He wanted to believe.

"Jenny," he called to her softly.

She stopped on the steps and turned. "Gil?"

"I…" his thoughts turned inward again, his eyes leaving her as he looked off into the distance.

She sighed and turned to continue down. Her movement brought him back and he stepped closer to the stairs as he watched her. His mind was whirling. I'm doing it again, he thought. He was hurting her as he had hurt Sara, withdrawing when things became uncomfortable. "Please Jenny…"

She continued moving away from him. He realized he had to stop her, had to talk to her or he would lose her. "Jenny, please…stay…"

She stopped and took a deep breath. "Why Gil, so you can accuse me?"

"No…I …want to believe you…I need to," he said as he descended towards her.

"And I need you to believe me, Gil. But needing doesn't make it happen. I realize that having been alone most of your life, you haven't really had to trust anyone like this, but if there is any hope for us you have to trust me. I didn't sleep with him. I came here to find you, not to try to repeat out little adventure in San Antonio with a different stranger. And besides, if I had slept with him, I would've told you when Captain Brass asked for the DNA sample."

Gil was standing on the step next to her. "I was frightened by it…by the thought that possibly you had. The way it made me feel…I was scared."

Her blue eyes met his. "And now?"

"I want…," he paused to collect his emotions, "it all to go away." His hand went to her face, cupping her cheek, his thumb gently stroking it. "I want it all to go away and for us to be here, alone like this without the cloud of Allen's murder hanging over us."

She smiled at him; a tentative, shy smile. "Like in a cocoon, you mean?"

"Something like that," he said softly. "Our own little cocoon that is safe from the world."

"The world is always going to be there Gil. But here," she said as she put her hand over his and moved it to the cleavage of her breasts, just above her heart, "…my love will always be there, safe and waiting for you, waiting until you are ready for it."

He looked down at his hand over her heart. Desire flamed within him but there was a deeper emotion as he absorbed her words. Her love…she said her love was waiting for him…it would always be there…for him. His emotions threatened to overwhelm him; there were so many, euphoria and fear very much in the mix. His eyes made their way back to hers. It was if there was an electrical current flowing between them, charging them both. "I 'm ready…now," he said huskily and then he kissed her.

Urgency overtook him as determination rose in his body and his lips revealed his need. He wanted her to know what he was feeling, to have no doubt of the veracity of his hunger; and he was hungry for her, for her love, for her acceptance. "I think I've been looking for you all of my life," he whispered between kisses.

His lips crushed into hers again, his tongue seeking the warmth of her mouth. Their tongues danced and then he wiggled past, the tip swiping against her soft tissue and eliciting a small gasp from her. "Gil," she whimpered, her hands snaking up his neck and entwining themselves in the hair on the back of his head, massaging and encouraging him. She pulled closer to him, her body grinding into him in response to his tongue, turning his blood into a molten river inside his body.

His lips left hers to trail down her face and along her neck. He could hear her breathing, feel her heat, and the smell of her arousal filled his nostrils, further fueling his own. Reluctantly he stepped away, taking her hand and leading her back up. Thomas was in his bed and that left only one other option, the couch.

He kissed her again as they stood in front of it and then carefully, he lowered her to it. "I want to make love to you, Jenny," he murmured. Her eyes glistened as they held his, silently giving him permission.

He went slowly, savoring every kiss, every touch, and every sensation. His hands slipped up beneath the tee shirt he had given her to wear, gliding along her warm, silken skin. He felt the tremor that ran up her spine and through her body as he touched her and it sent similar tingles through him. She leaned into him, gently pushing him back and then she leaned over him, her lips on him. His hands continued their search under her shirt until his fingers locked onto her breasts, first squeezing them and then rubbing her nipples. The feel of them between his fingertips sent thrills through him. And what she was doing to him with her lips…first she brushed his lips with hers, teasing and taunting with her feather kisses before moving into the crook of his neck, nibbling. Then she moved to his ear, her tongue tickling behind the earlobe and then circling it until her lips sucked his lobe into her mouth where her tongue teased. Her play around his ear was somewhere between a tickle and intense pleasure, driving him mad. It was all so overwhelming, almost agonizing and yet so joyous.

He began to squirm, eliciting a small chuckle from her. Then she moved back to his neck and her hands took their turn, moving beneath his shirt. She pushed it up, exposing his hot skin to the cool air, creating another stimulating sensation. Then she pulled her shirt over her head, uncovering his hands on her. His eyes went immediately to them, delighting in the sight of her hardened, coppery nipples between his fingertips.

Her mouth went to his nipples, circling and then sucking the nubs. He hissed with pleasure at the sensation, his fingers involuntarily clenching her tighter. Suddenly her mouth left his chest and she leaned forward, her lips seeking his again. Her body hovered over his until she slowly descended, rubbing bare skin on bare skin. His arms reached around her, his hands settling on her back, caressing her spine and drawing her tighter to him. The feel of her in his arms, her chest on his, her lips…her breath on him, it was all so incredible.

She raised herself over him again, her eyes glittering as she took in the sight of him beneath her…a predatory look, one of hunger. His hand shook as he raised it to caress the side of her face, his fingers reaching into her hair, tangling themselves in the strands. She leaned her head back at his touch, her eyes closed as she sucked in a deep breath. And then she moaned, so soft it was almost a purr, and the sound touched off something basic ... primal inside of him.

He sat up, his lips meeting hers and then he was on top. He fumbled with the waistband of her pants; she'd rolled it to make them fit better. He heard a low chuckle from her as she pushed him up and then began slipping out of them. Her eyes turned to his pants and then she reached for them, tugging until he followed her lead, slipping them down and leaving them on the floor. And then he was on top of her again, his thickened shaft grinding against her mound as he kissed her. She responded by raising her hips to meet his grinds. It felt like her hands were all over him at once, rubbing and kneading, as if she needed all of him. Her heightened passion ignited him further, sending a tremor through him.

And then her hand went to his shaft, encircling it, becoming slick with his fluid as he pumped into it. Then as quickly as her hand was on him, it was gone. He ached to feel her again and then he felt her reaching between them, hoped she was reaching for him, but she wasn't. Her hand went between her legs and for a moment he was afraid she was planning to pleasure herself and leave him dangling. He felt the back of her hand on him as her fingers worked into her folds, sliding in the slickness of her arousal. And then it was on the move again sliding out and up, her fingers resting on his lips until he sucked them into his mouth, relishing the taste of her heat.

She grinned at him, her eyes sparkling. "Want more," she asked seductively.

Hr groaned; it sounded like an animal made the sound to him. And then he was on the move, sliding his tongue down her torso, heading for the source of her sweetness and tasting her along the way. And then he was there, hovering above her mound; her scent sent blood rushing through him, making him lightheaded and euphoric. He used the tip of his tongue to divide her folds, opening her to his exploration. She raised herself up to meet him and her hands went to his head, digging into his curls and pulling him into her deeper. Her passion blended with his as she responded to his attention and the chaos that he was feeling was turning into frenzy. His baser instincts took over and suddenly it wasn't Gil Grissom, the quiet reticent man, which was making love to her but some caveman mutation of him. He wanted to be gentle but there were forces at work within him that pushed him further into his frenzy as he fed on her thick nectar. So intent was he on her scent and her taste that everything else began a blur and he only vaguely heard the sounds coming from her and barely felt her fingers tugging in his hair. And then she exploded, sending a river of her sweetness onto his tongue and into his mouth. He licked and sucked until he had consumed the last drop of her juice.

Satiated, he lifted his head only slightly before resting it against her mound, his hands beneath her hips. He became more aware of her fingers, still in his hair, gently rubbing. He was in heaven and drunk from the nectar of the gods. Surely, there would be punishment for his audacity; surely this feeling, this place he was in was reserved for only a deity and he was a mere mortal man.

Her fingers began to tease behind his ear again, reminding him of just how mortal he was as his tool sprang to attention again. "Gil," she whispered. He looked up, saw her fiery look and knew what she wanted. As happy as he was at that moment, he knew there was greater joy waiting for him; he had only to claim it.

On the move again, he leaned over her, his throbbing cock grazing her mound. Their eyes met as he lowered himself, his tip sliding between her folds, seeking entrance. Her hips lifted and her legs spread to give him access and he found his target. He entered her slowly, her warmth enveloping his rod and sending fire through his body. Her eye lids became heavy with lust and she gave into the sensation of him inside of her. But, it was her tiny whimper that set him off, sending him deeper. His tip slid along her inner walls, seeking her secrets. Her eyes suddenly grew large and then slowly closed as she took him in; her hands gripping his ass to push him further, her urgency increasing. And when he could go no deeper, he began the journey back, relishing the way her walls closed in on him, squeezing and coercing. When he reached her opening, he stopped and waited. Her eyes opened with a question in them and then a knowing smirk. He felt a small grin growing on his face. And with a look of triumph, her legs wrapped around him as her hands slid up to his back and with little effort, she used her limbs to force him back down into the chasm.

He made the journey several more times, each trip gaining in speed, until finally, he could hold off no longer and he began to pump. Her body moved in unison with his, her fingernails digging into him as she climbed higher and higher. His body was on fire, about to explode but he fought to retain control and hold out a little longer. But then she exploded, sending him into rapture and he was carried into another level of existence, one of such pleasure that it was almost agony. And as he fell back to earth, he felt her holding him, clinging tightly trying to keep the last vestiges of their mutual bliss between them. As their bodies began to relax, she held him firmly, not letting him move off her, basking in his warmth as he was relishing hers. This place she had taken him, he never wanted to leave. Still joined somewhat tenuously by his softening rod, he wanted to remain like that forever.

Her fingertips slid gently over his sensitive skin, sending gentle waves of pleasure through him until his rod slowly slipped from her. He dared to look into her eyes and found that which he'd been seeking his whole life, acceptance. She loved him for who he was, not who he might be or who she thought he should be. And he knew…felt it in his deepest core, she had given herself to him as she would never give herself to another. She was his and no one else's. And nothing would change that; she would be there for him, always. All he had to do was ask.

IMISSGRISSOMIMISSGRISSOMIMISSGRISSOM

Okay, I don't get it. I'm getting hits but not much in the way of reviews. Reviews equals interest in my book. If you like this story, please use the little button and let me know what you think about it. This is the only way I have of knowing if it is any good. No reviews equals no interest.


	14. It's Not a Dream

Gil had followed her to the bed. He woke to the feeling of being watched and languidly opened his eyes, hoping peer into hers. The eyes that met his were blue, but the belonged to Thomas. He sat, legs folded, gazing at his father. When he saw Gil's eyes open, the boy's face lit up but he remained quiet. "Shhh…" he said as his finger made its way to his lips. Then he turned and glanced at Jenny, who was still asleep. Gil thought he remembered falling asleep with Jenny in his arms but now, somehow she was on the other side of the bed with Thomas in the middle.

He was happy to see his son, but he wanted Jenny, his Jenny, in his arms. He needed to feel her, to know it wasn't a dream. Reaching past Thomas, his fingertips grazed her back. She began to stir and rolled over, a small smile on her face. Her hand folded itself into his and then she pulled them both to her lips for a contented nibble.

Thomas sensed the happiness between his parents and watched it, his own little heart filling with joy. His Mama had let his Daddy catch her. He didn't understand everything that had transpired between them; he simply felt their new connection.

He watched them all morning. His mother got up to go to the bathroom and his Daddy watched the door. Thomas saw his Daddy's smile when she came back to the bed.

Later, when they were in the kitchen to prepare breakfast, Thomas noticed that his father was always close to his mother. The alert boy didn't miss the looks and touches that passed between them. He watched as his mother leaned into his Daddy and Daddy wrapped his arms around her. Thomas saw her smile.

As they sat eating, Thomas noticed the bashful glances he gave her. One other thing Thomas noticed was that his Daddy's left hand was staying under the table, so the boy _accidently_ dropped his fork to the floor. He giggled when he spotted Daddy's hand on Mommy's leg as he crawled under the table to get his fork. What he missed was the kiss that happened above when his parents saw the opportunity.

Gil couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her. His hands were having the same problem. He needed to see her, needed to touch her to remind himself that it was real and that she wouldn't disappear. After Sara, he was afraid; afraid that if he let her out of his sight, she'd leave. Intellectually he knew it wasn't true, but emotionally, he was afraid. So he stayed close by.

"Gil," she laughed when he followed her to the bathroom door, "what are you doing?"

He looked at her sheepishly, then his eyebrows slightly raised and his mouth fell slightly agape. "I …um…" he hesitated. "I like being near you." He decided that she might like to hear that. She laughed again as she disappeared behind the door.

Later, while Thomas napped, she sat Gil down to talk. "Gil, what is it you are afraid of? You've been watching me all day as if you think I'm going to disappear." He looked stunned and a little defensive, she thought. And as his eyes met hers, she saw his anxiety.

I…after last night…I just can't seem to …help myself?" He was grinning, but she could still see the fear in his eyes.

Jenny smirked and took a deep breath. "I think there is something you are not telling me. You're smiling but it's not reaching your eyes, Gil. Please, what is wrong?"

He looked away and let out his own deep sigh. And then he looked back to her, his eyes meeting hers. Tears formed in her eyes as she saw the blend of hope and despair in his; he didn't want to tell her, she knew; but she was determined to get him to talk. "Please Gil, no secrets…"

Taking another deep breath, he closed his eyes. She saw his shoulders tense and she knew a battle was waging within him. The reticent, secretive man battled with the passionate lover of the night before. Jenny reached out to him, taking his hand in hers and then she waited for the outcome of his inner battle.

He flinched at her contact, only slightly but she felt it. Not willing to give in however, she held onto his hand. Slowly his eyes opened and he seemed somewhat surprised by her tenacity. She was still waiting; she hadn't disappeared. He studied her for a moment and then he reached out to her, his other hand stroking her upper arm. She felt so smooth beneath his fingers, warm and…yes, solid. Her other hand left his and reached up, covering his hand over her arm. Then she took it and pulled it to her cheek, nuzzling her face into his grasp and luxuriating in the feel of his hand. Their eyes locked and this time, she saw only love. Her eyes questioned his and finally he decided to respond.

"I'm afraid," he said forlornly.

"Of what?"

"That…" he swallowed with difficulty and then seemed to be mustering strength to continue, "…you'll leave me…"

His expression was heartbreaking, she thought. And then she remembered what he'd told her about Sara. He'd risked everything, gone way out of his comfort zone for her, and in the end, she'd left him. Now he was afraid she would do the same thing. Things had seemed so simple last night, so wonderful. He'd opened himself completely to her and shown her his most tender side and having done that, he was afraid she would leave him; that he'd be left alone again.

"Do you want me to…leave, I mean?"

His eyes flashed and he seemed to bore a hole in her. "No, I don't."

"Good, because I like being with you…"

"But you already have a life…back East." He looked away.

"I have a business; that's not a life. Look, we have things to work out…geography among them, but I want you in my life. I want to be in yours."

"God, I want that too Jenny," he said as he pulled her to him. He held her tightly as he continued, "I want it more than I've ever wanted anything. I want us to be a family…a real family. I don't want to make scheduled visits to see my son, I want to see him everyday…be there for him. And I want to see you everyday too; I need you."

She could hear his heart beating in his chest, rapidly hammering. She suspected that hers was just as loud. "I want that too, Gil. I want you next to me, to wake up every morning like I did this morning…well, maybe not with Thomas in the middle…but I want us to be forever."

He pulled away and looked at her. There was so much life in his face, she thought. So much hope and happiness. "Forever? Then …then…we need to get married," he said eagerly.

She couldn't help it, she giggled. "Need to? I don't know…but want to, oh yeah…"

He started to kiss her and then his head popped up. He reminded her of Thomas when he got really excited about something. "Wait right here," he told her. "I'll be right back…" and he headed for the steps. She was smiling as she watched him. Then he turned about three steps down, "you won't move will you?"

"No, I'll be right here…waiting for you." He smiled and then almost ran down the stairs. She knew he had bad knees and was waiting for him to topple over, but he seemed oblivious to any earthly concerns. When he reached the bottom, he disappeared into the back of the apartment briefly and then reappeared, taking the steps two at a time as he came up. Settling next to her on the couch, he stopped, took a deep breath, and then slid down to one knee.

"Jenny, there are so many things I am feeling right now, so many things I want to say, and all I can put into words is I love you and I want you to be my wife, be mine forever. I want you and Thomas and me to be a family." He took her left hand, slipped a ring on her finger, and then looked hopefully back at her. She gazed at the ring. "It's beautiful," she smiled, looking from it to him.

"It was my grandmother's. My mother gave it to me and told me to only give it to a very special woman, one who fills my heart with joy and makes me happy, someone who knows me, understands me and loves me because of who I am. Someone like you."

Jenny looked at it again, overwhelmed. "Did you..." she took a deep breath. "Did you give it to Sara?" She didn't know why she asked and winced as soon as she realized what she had said.

He winced too. She saw him tense up. Then he shook his head. "No, I didn't." He looked away for a second and then looked back into her eyes. "I…intended to but before I did…"

"She left…" Jenny finished for him. He nodded sadly. "Gil, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

He stared into her eyes but began to relax. "I…its okay. I want …I'm trying to …to be more open with you. I think…maybe if …" he took a deep breath. "Maybe if I'd been more open with her…"

"Gil, maybe we should put this on hold. Maybe you should go find her, talk to her. Maybe, it is her you need to be with."

His brow furrowed as he looked into her face. He was studying her intently, trying to understand why she was saying what she said. She felt the intensity of his look, knew he was questioning, but she waited for him to speak.

He scooted back onto the couch next to her. Staring at the floor, he took several deep breaths. "I don't want to," he said finally. "I don't want to keep trying to make something work that never will. I…still love her, but it isn't enough. With you," he turned his head to look at her, "with you I have a chance. I meant it when I said you are easy for me to be with. You…get me. And even when you don't, you…understand that it's just the way I am. You don't expect me to be something I'm not. People used to call me the Tin Man and accuse me of being a robot…even Sara. I'm not. I feel things just as everyone else does, I just don't show it like they do. You saw through that from the beginning. And…" Her heart tightened as she saw the anguish he was feeling as he tried to express what he was thinking. "I'm different; I know that. It isn't that I'm smarter than anyone else, it is the way I think, the way I process knowledge and information and what I do with it…I'm just different. You accept that. And most people …irritate me on some level. But…I like being with you. You don't expect me to be like everyone else. No one, except my mother, no one has ever been… able to …to tolerate me like that. But …you…do." He sounded relieved, almost surprised with himself for getting it all out.

"Tolerate you?" She sounded almost angry. "I don't just tolerate you, Gil. Yes, you are different. It's a very large part of why I love you. You have a different way of looking at things, of thinking about things. You make me see things in a different way. You are far more interesting than any other man I've ever met. I'm sure there will be times when I am frustrated or angry with you, but it will never be a question of tolerance."

His eyes were sparkling. "You're upset," he said flatly.

"Upset?" She hesitated. He watched, she was now the one with an inner conflict playing behind her eyes. "Yes, I suppose I am…that you feel you need to be only tolerated…that you've been treated like that. Oh, I can see where people might have misinterpreted your demeanor, but surely, your friends have taken the time to get beneath all of that and know the man that I know. Surely, they do more than just tolerate you…And Sara? Where did she fit into all of this?"

He couldn't decide if she was upset with him or the other people in his life. Consequently, he settled back, putting a small distance between them that felt like a great chasm. Sadness returned to his eyes as his stoic mask fell across his face. And he withdrew inwardly.

Jenny watched the change come over him and realized she had hurt him. She put her hand on his arm, his gaze fell to it and he just stared. He was in full retreat, she realized. "Gil, I'm sorry…it does anger me that you feel you need to be tolerated. You are so much more than just someone to be tolerated. And honestly, having seen you with your friends here, I don't think that's the case. But somehow, people have made you feel that way. My god, Gil, she said scooting closer to him, "you are such a good man, so gentle and kind, passionate and caring…they called you a robot…totally missed how deeply you feel things. There is nothing for me to tolerate, I love you…everything about you…and it upsets me that you feel that way…that you need to be tolerated. I hate that word," she said vehemently.

"I used to not let myself feel things," he said, as he slowly looked up, dejected. "It…it was Catherine that made me begin to open up to my feelings. She…it hurt sometimes, the way she pushed me. She told me I had no personal life…that I shut myself up in my townhouse…away from life. And she was right. But she helped me…pushed me to share a little of myself with her and with others and slowly I begin to let people in, her especially…and later Sara. But it was difficult. Often, I messed things up, said the wrong thing or waited too long to say anything…and it hurt; it hurt them and it hurt me. But eventually it got better. And it was as if they were this little family around me; Jim and Catherine…the team…and Sara. Catherine encouraged me with Sara, although she didn't realize it. Oh, they'd roll their eyes at me sometimes when I was being extreme, but they accepted that it was just me being…me. In some ways, they quit trying to understand and just accepted it. And that was okay.

But when Sara left…especially the second time, everything just feel apart for me. Warrick had died in my arms; he was one of the team and almost like a son to me and he was shot. I was the first to get to him…" Gil stopped and sighed. "I…um …miss him a lot. Sara came back as soon as she heard and I thought maybe…hoped that…" Jenny saw the tears that he refused to shed sitting in his eyes. "She wanted us to go away, get away from this place. Its true that the team was already short handed and my leaving would have been…too much probably. But I…hesitated because, well…I just couldn't decide. And no decision is a decision too, I suppose. By not deciding, I decided to stay here…and she left. Problem was, after years of not letting my emotions out, there were suddenly so many of them and I didn't know what to do with it all…I still don't.

But with you…you seem to know that I'm feeling all of these things and you understand. You get me to talk, without forcing it…well, most of the time. And you accept where I am, emotionally, I mean. ..no judging, no pushing, just acceptance. I feel more…more …" he seemed to be struggling for the right word. ",,,more stable, than I have in…over a year. Maybe longer.

Everybody was looking to me to be this…this…super being, I suppose. I'm not quite sure what they expected but I know I failed their expectations. They were used to me being the robot, no emotions, master crime solver; and I was falling apart. I was jelly inside, afraid of everything, of making the wrong move, making a bad decision…and I was making mistakes too…with the evidence, I mean. That's why I've decided to leave the job…" He sighed and was quiet, introspective.

Jenny thought for a moment about all that he said. "Grief does that, you know…makes you not want to decide things or else make rash unwise decisions. It's hard to focus when you're grieving…hard to think clearly." She looked at the ring on her finger and then slowly slid it off. "I …think you should keep this awhile longer," she said sadly. "You're still grieving. You need time to think this through…"

He looked at her, shaken. "I…no, I want this…"

She put the ring in his hand. "And I do too. But it has to be right, for both of us. There's no reason to rush, Gil. I meant what I said; I'm waiting for you…whenever you are ready. But I think you have some things to deal with first…and I think you should talk to Sara, just to be sure…."

He shook his head, "no, I don't need to talk to her. I know what I am feeling …about you and about Thomas. I wasted my chance with her and I'm not going to miss this chance. You don't need me like Sara did and…and …that's good. But Thomas does need me; he needs his father. And I need both of you; you're my last, best chance at happiness." He took her hand and put the ring back on her finger. "Please Jenny, trust me with this. I know what I am doing. I am still grieving, but I'm also moving forward now…and I want to do that with you."

She looked into his eyes and smiled. "Then …yes, I would love to marry you. Nothing could make me happier.

His face lit up, all his grief and sadness falling away. "Really?" he asked gleefully, almost childlike. "Really," she answered, almost as happily. His lips crashed into hers, sealing the commitment with a kiss and then he pulled her closer into a huge hug.

grissomrocksgrissomrocksgrissomrocksgrissomrocks

Many thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter! I must say it was invigorating. I hope this chapter passes muster.

I'm debating an idea I had but am not sure if I want to use it. Do we want Sara to put in an appearance? And should I put one of these folks in immediate danger? Let me know what you think. My mind is churning and coming up with several ideas and I need a little help sorting it out. Thanks.


	15. Reality

That night, Jenny was putting Thomas to bed and Gil had settled on the couch in front of the TV. He was channel surfing until one show caught his attention. He sat, eyes glued to the set, fascinated by the information when Jenny came into the room. She sat next to him, his arm immediately going around her. She began to giggle as she realized what he was watching.

Gil looked at her quizzically, his eyebrow arching which only made her giggle more. "What?" he sighed and finally asked.

Between giggles, she managed to answer. "Really Gil….the Baby Channel?"

"Yes," he drawled, his eyebrows still high.

"Why are you watching The Baby Channel?"

"They…there's good information here….about small children, I mean," he stuttered.

"But Thomas is older than these babies…"

"But…it helps me to understand…I've never really been around small children before. Except there was Lindsey, Catherine's daughter, but that was a long time ago…she's sixteen now and it wasn't that much anyway, really…"

"None of your other friends have children?"

"No…well, Jim….he has a daughter, but she's grown. I've met her once. But we don't want Thomas to be like her…"

"I don't want Thomas to be like anyone except Thomas," she quickly stated. "This of course means, he'll be a lot like you…" She was smiling. Gil felt his insides churning as he saw the warmth in her eyes. She wanted her son…their son…to be like him. There was no way to describe the way that made him feel. All he could do was smile back.

"Well, in any case…I need to learn more about kids," he told her.

"After watching you two in the park, I think you don't really have that much to learn…he brings out your inner child. It kind of scares me at times; I keep having this terrible thought that soon I won't have one, but two children to deal with…"

Gil's expression changed abruptly. His eyes flashed from her face to her abdomen and then warily he asked, "you're not…I mean, is there something….I mean…." He couldn't get it out.

Jenny started laughing again. "No, I don't think so. We just…um, well…it would be too soon to tell if I was but I really don't think there's any chance of …._that_. What I meant was…you act like such a kid when you and Thomas are together…." Her laughter ended her sentence.

She watched as relief covered him and then slowly a speculative look came into his features. His eyes dropped to her abdomen again and then lifted to her face. "But we could? If we wanted to, I mean."

Gil watched a variety of emotions chase one another over her face as she thought about what he was suggesting. She looked down and then back at him before answering. "Gil, are you saying you want more children?" she asked, mildly surprised.

"I…I don't know. It's all so new to me, this…being a family. I never have thought of myself as…a father. But I was an only child and sometimes I think if I'd had a sibling, maybe I would've been more like everyone else…not so introverted perhaps." He grew contemplative, thinking of his childhood. "Although, looking back, I suppose I was well on my way by the time my father died. I really didn't relate to other children well; he was my best playmate. We went on nature hikes together; he was a botanist. He looked at plants and I became fascinated with insects. When he died…when I was nine, I lost my best friend. Mother was deaf and we had a good relationship, but the house was so quiet after he was gone. I had nothing to occupy my mind except my own thoughts. It is me…and I'm accustomed to that, but I want more for Thomas."

He saw understanding in her face. "It must have been very lonely for you…after your father died."

"It was," he answered honestly.

"Well, another child is something we can think about, although I'm no longer a spring chicken and neither are you. There would be risks involved. And we need to be sure that we both want it, although I can't think of anything more fun than creating a baby with you," she said mischievously. "But it is the 'after the baby comes' part that concerns me. We, all three of us, have some adjusting to do to being one family. I kind of think adding more stress with a new baby isn't the best idea, at least for now."

Gil admitted to himself that her logic was sound, and he agreed with her that the creation part would be fun but the after might be troublesome. But she hadn't seemed squeamish with the idea. More than that, he was surprised with himself for even thinking of it. What was happening to him, he wondered. He'd never really thought of having children before and now, he had one and was thinking another one might be good….so much was changing within him. And it felt good. Usually he fought change, fought to keep things familiar, comfortable. But with the appearance of Jenny and Thomas, he was embracing change and actually enjoying being a little out of balance. He was looking forward to things that he had observed others pursue but had never been interested in for himself. He was becoming an average guy, a man with a wife and kids and a mortgage to fit, one who worried more about his kid's future than the training of his racing roaches, or any of his other hobbies, for that matter.

And while he didn't consider himself a selfish man, he now realized that he had always been self centered…even with Sara. He had loved her and cared for her on his own terms, continuing his own pursuits, including her when she showed interest but never giving up anything of himself for her. As he pondered that, he realized his mother had been that way with him. He was always welcome in her life, but she never gave up any of hers to accommodate him. He was becoming his father, a man who was intently interested in his son's development and willing to crawl through thickets with him to help in that pursuit. Briefly, a memory of himself as a very small boy, intent on chasing a butterfly flashed through his mind. His father had fought through the underbrush, making a safe path for the young Gil to follow his interest. And together they had studied the butterfly when it landed on the limb of a small tree, the senior Grissom lifting the boy onto his shoulders to get a better view. Never mind that the man was almost fifty by then and not in the best of health, he wanted his son to have the experience.

Jenny had become involved with the TV and as Gil came out of his musings, he was able to watch her without her awareness. God, he thought, she is bringing so much into my life…sharing what is most precious to her…I have to get this right; I have to be the man my father was…even better. She turned to look at him and what he saw in her face staggered him; so much trust, confidence, and love…Yeah, he had to get this right.

They agreed that "playtime" on the couch needed to be less…vigorous with an inquisitive little one like Thomas around and possibly awake at any time in the night. Besides, Gil couldn't get Jim's warning out of his head. If he was too involved with Jenny, he might miss something. So they found an old movie and settled onto the couch, his arm around her, her head on his shoulder to watch. Just like an old married couple, he thought. With black and white images flashing across the screen and the rest of the house quiet, the couple slipped into a contented sleep, still entwined.

A scream pierced Gil's sleep induced fog and he jerked awake. Jenny was already in motion, heading down the steps towards Thomas, the source of the sound. Gil grabbed his pistol and followed, trying to get in front of Jenny. He knew there would be no stopping her; he knew because there was nothing that would keep him from getting to their son either.

Gil managed to get past her just before they got to the door to the bedroom. Charging into the room with his gun at the ready, he stopped dead in his tracks at what he found. He stopped so quickly that Jenny bumped into him. His free hand instinctively went to her, keeping her behind him, his body protecting hers.

A woman stood next to the bed, holding Thomas in her arm as a shield. "Where is it?' she demanded.

"What? Where is what?" Gil barked back.

"The Blackberry…the one that was in the kid's bag…" she yelled over Thomas's cries.

"Put him down and I'll get it," Gil replied.

"No…you get it, I'll put him down then."

"Jenny," Gil spoke over his shoulder, "get the Blackberry. It's in my case," he told her. He wanted her out of the room. It would take all of his concentration to save Thomas. He wanted Jenny safe.

"But…" she began.

"Please Jenny, just get it," he barked.

He felt her back out of the room. Convinced that she was gone, he focused on the perp. He kept his pistol at arm level, trying not to appear too threatening, but still ready. She studied him. "Put the gun down," she told him.

"When you put yours down," Gil responded.

"I'll shoot him…"

"No you won't. He's all you've got to bargain with." Gil was looking for a clean shot. He knew time was running out. He watched as she accepted his premise and tightened her grip on the boy, causing Thomas to squirm.

"Thomas, stay still son," Gil said softly. He didn't want Thomas wiggling and getting into the line of his shot. The woman kept her eyes solidly on Gil. Thomas quieted in her arms, hanging like a limp rag, playing in Gil's favor. He was getting heavy and distracted the woman with balancing his weight. "Where's the woman with the Blackberry," she asked, her eyes flashing past Gil into the hall.

"I'm coming," Jenny yelled from the hall. "I…couldn't find his case…and it's locked."

"Keys are on my key ring, on the table next to the door," Gil lied. He watched as the woman continued to focus past him. Just then, Thomas decided to focus his energy, throwing his head back and his elbows into her stomach, bending her forward. Consequently, she dropped him. Gil saw his chance, pulled his pistol up and pulled the trigger. But something was wrong; the gunshot sounded as his finger squeezed. He heard his shot as fire burned through his chest and as he dropped to the floor, he saw her fall too. Thomas had wiggled under the bed and was crawling out near him as Gil lost consciousness.

OHNOOHNOOHNOOHNOOHNOOHNOOHNOOHNOOHNOOHNO

Many thanks to Fakebeebite, who continues to encourage and thus inspires me to keep going. Otherwise, I'm just not feeling the love...

The batteries in this little bunny need recharging from time to time. I'm not sure why reviews are so sparse; according to the stats page, this story is getting plenty of hits. I suppose that means people _are_ reading... I have checked, the little button is still down there. Anyway, I hope you are enjoying and this story. Without reviews, I have no way of knowing.


	16. All There

_Gil, why are you here? His father's voice asked._

_Where is here, Dad? _

_It's not time…you aren't supposed to be here…_

_I think I was shot…Gil began to realize where "here" was. I'm dead?_

_You're…in between. I can't explain it any better. But you have to go back or you will be dead. _

_Is…what about Thomas?_

_Thomas? Oh, the boy…he's fine. He's with his mother. They are waiting for you…_

_He's my son, Dad. I have a son._

_I know, son. I've been watching. He's a fine boy, reminds me of you at that age. Your mother and I are proud, except…you should have been there from the beginning._

_I know. I'm…was trying to make it right. _

_You still can…but you need to go back._

_Mother is with you?_

_She is. _

_Why did you leave me Dad? Why did you go so soon?_

_I didn't have a choice son…it was my time. But I never left completely. I was always watching. It …hurt to see you in such pain. And as you got older, you shut yourself off from everyone. I was glad to see the redhead push past your defenses; I thought that maybe you and she would…well, it never happened. For some reason you never would take the big step…not with the brunette either. But this one, the boy's mother, she's different._

_The big step?_

_You never gave them your heart, not completely. But this one, she is winning your heart._

_Yes, she is. Her name is Jenny and she…accepts me. And she has brought so much into my life. And Thomas, he's…everything._

_I know the feeling, son._

_How do I do it, Dad? How do I become a good father?_

_It is already happening. You are putting his needs first, thinking of what is best for him. And you are learning to share._

_Share?_

_Yourself._

_I…after you died, it was so difficult. I still miss you Dad._

_We'll be together again. But now you must go back. Take good care of them, son. They need you and…you will find happiness with them. Now go, Gil. Go and share your heart._

"Dad," Gil called out. Jenny squeezed his hand tighter and softly called his name. "Wake up, please Gil…you have to wake up."

He heard sounds, beeping and crying, as awareness seeped into his fog. His chest hurt. It hurt too much; he didn't want to wake up and hurt. He heard her, saying his name…she was there, she wanted him to wake up. He tried, because she wanted it. But it hurt too much and he let himself slip back into oblivion.

_Help me Dad…please help._

_Son, you should really go back._

_It hurts, Dad. I tried but it hurts so much. It hurt when you left too; hurt more than I could bear. I thought…if I didn't care anymore, if I didn't let myself care…maybe I'd never hurt like that again._

_Sometimes life hurts son. But that's part of it. Your mother and I, we no longer feel pain. But we feel nothing else either. _

_I've tried to do that that…_

_Feel nothing?_

_Yes._

_Were you successful?_

_Sometimes. But…it was lonely too._

_Gil, loving someone, opening yourself to love, involves risk. Sometimes it hurts. But the rewards…they are as close to heaven as the living can be. And being lonely, did that not hurt as well? No risk, no gain…and still the pain. Go back my boy, risk your heart, suffer the pain, and revel in the rewards. To have happiness, you risk the hurt…that's the way it works, son._

_She makes me happy…and there's Thomas too. I gave her Grandmother's ring…we're planning to get married. But I'm afraid. Sara made me happy…and then she left. They might leave me too and then what? I don't think I could survive it. Help me Dad…_

"_Go back, son. Go back and play out the hand. _

_The hand? Like in poker?_

_It's all a gamble. But now, it's your heart instead of your money…you're just upping the ante. _

_Upping the ante…I'm pretty good at poker…maybe I can do this. I love you, Dad. I have to go now._

_Good-bye, my son. Be happy._

He felt her hand on his. The beeping was still in the background. He could feel her near but he couldn't hear her. His mind struggled to work past the pain. His chest was still hurting but this time he would stay. He refused to give into darkness. He tried to open his eyes but they refused. So then, he tried to speak.

Jenny heard the sound from his throat. She looked up to see his mouth struggling to speak. His eyes were still closed but his face was contorted as he struggled. "Gil…it's okay. Can you squeeze my fingers? Just let me know that you're waking up."

His mind was fuzzy but he heard her. In his mind, he searched for his hands, trying to feel them. Finally, he found them and felt her hand attached to one. Her hand felt warm, strong. Mentally he reached for the warmth. He heard her sob and guessed that his hand had moved but he couldn't feel it.

"I felt it, Gil. I know you are with me." He felt her warmth on his face and briefly smelled her scent. She was so near. He wanted to touch her, hold her…"Jenny," he whispered. It took everything he had, all of his energy.

"I'm here, Gil…I'm here."

He squeezed her hand again as he fell back into the fog. But this time, he was still aware, could feel her, relish her hand on his. He was back in the game, ready to play out his hand.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jenny was relieved. He was coming out of it…out of the coma-like sleep in which he had spent the last twenty-four hours. The doctor had said that he should have awakened hours ago and she had been frightened with each passing hour of no response. But he was back now. She buzzed the nurse to pass along the info and as the nurse came in the room to check him, Jenny stepped into the hall.

She remembered his friends in the waiting room and hurried to share the good news. They had treated her wonderfully. Brass and Catherine had been there almost instantly. Apparently, Brass had tried to check in with the officer watching the house and got no response. He was almost to Gil's place when she dialed 911, after the shots.

Gil's shot had been on target. The EMT said that the woman was probably dead before she hit the floor, a bullet dead center in her heart. Her bullet had lodged in Gil's chest, creating havoc in the surrounding tissue and collapsing a lung. There had been so much blood, more than Jenny had ever seen and fear had been her constant companion since she saw Gil on the floor. Thomas had seen it all and had frantically run into the hall begging her to fix his Daddy.

As she entered the waiting room, she spotted the group in the corner. A group that she had recognized from Gil's pictures surrounded Brass and Catherine. Nick, Greg, Doc Robbins, David, and even an obnoxious man named Hodges all stood when they saw her. "He's coming out of it," she said, relieved. It seemed the entire group had been holding their breath, all of them releasing at the same time.

She smiled, knowing that they had been just as worried as she had. No one had questioned her place in Gil's life once Brass had introduced her and Thomas. One look at the boy confirmed his relationship to their beloved Grissom and they had accepted her immediately. Catherine had arranged for Thomas to have time away from the hospital in the care of her daughter, a relief for Jenny. They had all taken turns, taking "the watch" as they called it, staying at the hospital to wait for news and to be there for her. Nick had explained that Gil had been there for each of them during very dark days and more recently, they had been there for each other when Warrick was killed. Their loyalty to Gil was impressive. It was clear that this group shared a strong bond.

"So, he's awake?" Catherine asked.

"Not really," Jenny answered. "He woke up for just a moment and then fell back to sleep. But he responded to his name and even spoke mine, so I know he's back with us." She looked around the group and made a decision. "Look, I know you all want to see him and I could use a break. Why don't you take turns going in and I'll take in the different walls here."

"Are you sure," Doc asked. "We can wait…"

"No, really, I could use a change of scenery for a few minutes and I really don't want him left alone…"

Listening intently, Brass nodded. "Okay…" Looking around he stopped with Catherine. "Why don't you go first?"

Her eyes grew huge. "Me?" She asked looking around. They all nodded in agreement. "Okay," she said and headed through the doors to ICU.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gil couldn't feel her. Jenny wasn't in the room. There was someone else. He began to flinch his hand, trying to reach for her, find her…"Jenny," he whispered.

"It's me, Gil….Catherine. Jenny's taking a little break. She's been with you the whole time. The guys are taking care of her."

His eyes fluttered open. "Cath…"

"In the flesh," she smiled, tears in her eyes. "You gave us all quite a scare."

"She's okay?"

"Yeah, tired and scared, but okay. So's Thomas. Mom and Lindsey are looking after him but he's pretty scared too. He'll be happy to know you are awake."

Gil studied her face. "You…okay?"

"I am now. The guys are all here, waiting …up to seeing them, just for a minute?"

"Yeah, I think…"

"Okay," she said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "I'll see you later." And she was gone.

They all visited, keeping it brief…except Hodges. Brass had pulled him from the room when they realized the tech was overstaying his time. They had huddled after and Brass sent them all home to rest. "I'll stay to keep an eye on Jenny. One of you can relieve me in the morning," he'd told them. Greg volunteered to come back early.

Jenny watched their interaction with amazement. Gil was the center of this little family, the glue that held them together. Yet, she sensed they'd be there for one another without question. She smiled as she walked back to his room, doubting that he had the faintest idea of how important he was to the group.

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for the wonderful reviews on the the last chapter! Made me want to get this one out that much quicker....hope you enjoyed. More to come soon. Of course, you know how to make it happen faster;-)


	17. Aftermath

Brass stayed with Gil while Catherine took Jenny to her house to clean up, visit with Thomas, and get some rest. While she was reluctant to leave Gil, she acknowledged her need to take a break. Besides, Thomas needed to hear from her that his father was better.

Although he was groggy, Gil was awake enough to realize she was leaving. He felt her lips touch his and heard her whisper that she would return and then he watched through heavy eyelids as she left. Immediately, he was lonely.

He dozed fitfully through the afternoon, waking frequently, searching for her. Jim would reassure him that she was resting and spending some time with Thomas and would be back. Gil would quite and doze off again, only to become agitated in his sleep and reawaken. Over the next few days, the pattern repeated itself whenever she left.

Slowly, he began to recover and spent more time awake, although still heavily medicated for the pain. Talking was difficult after the damage done to his ribs and lung so he contented himself with watching her. She would read to him, or sometimes they would watch TV. Sometimes she just sat, holding his hand, and gazed at him.

Eventually Gil was moved to a private room, no longer needing the careful watching of ICU. A Physical Therapist showed up to begin working with him, exercising his legs and arms, preparing him to get out of bed again. While Gil was glad to have his muscles worked, it left him breathless. It hurt Jenny to watch the sessions because she knew how difficult they were, but she stayed anyway. The others had told her how agitated he got when she left.

Just as Jenny began to believe he was gaining some strength and would be healthy enough to go home soon, disaster struck. She's been down at the cafeteria for a bite while he slept after a session with the therapist. Walking back into his room, she immediately knew something was wrong. She buzzed for a nurse, who appeared quickly. Gil appeared to be asleep but while the right half of his body was relaxed, his left side was rigid, his face contorted with his lip sagging. "Mister Grissom," the nurse called softly to him. Jenny did the same, "Gil…wake up…"

When they got no response, the nurse left to call a doctor. Jenny stayed with him, urging him to wake up. After a few minutes, his eyes fluttered and opened. While he looked confused and uneasy, his right eye appeared normal, but again, the left one sagged, the lid barely showing the blue of his eye underneath. _My god, _Jenny thought_, he's had a stroke…_

The nurse came in to check his vitals and try to get Gil to talk. She asked several questions and he tried to answer but his mouth wouldn't move correctly. Jenny saw his frustration and tried to soothe him. Fear enveloped her as she realized that not only was he having problems forming the words with his mouth, he was having difficulty forming them in his mind. Gil never had problems with language; he was almost always very precise with words, calculating their meaning and nuance before ever speaking. But now, he couldn't even come up with the simplest of words. She saw panic in his one good eye as he realized what was happening.

Still, she tried to soothe him. "It's alright, Honey…it's going to be okay. The doctor is on his way and we'll figure this out. You're going to be okay." She stroked his hair as she spoke, hoping calm words and her touch would help him settle down.

A med tech showed up to draw blood and once again, the nurse checked his vitals. She nodded across Gil to Jenny, indicating that at least his vital signs were improving. Just then, the doctor walked in. He did a number of simple tests and ordered a few ones that are more involved. "I think for now, it would be best to move you back to ICU," he said to Gil. "I want everyone's attention to be on you until we find out what is going on, okay?"

Gil looked at him disdainfully. Jenny knew he hated the idea of being the center of attention. "Besides, honey, it'll give me some piece of mind…"

His eyes darted back to hers and her heart clinched at the look he gave her, one of absolute love and trust, open and sincere, like a child. She had her hand in his right one and he gave it a gentle squeeze as he tried to smile. She smiled back, ignoring the fact that with half of his face paralyzed, it was a grotesque imitation of his natural smile.

Within a few hours, they had their answers. "Gil suffered a stroke," the doctor told them. Jim and Catherine were there by that time and the doctor was speaking to all of them. "Apparently, a blood clot broke loose from the wound area and travelled through his heart and up to his brain. Luckily, it was an ischemic stroke rather than a hemorrhagic one. The head CT shows no bleeding in the brain, which just took a whole list of possible complications off the table. Both the ECG and the Echocardiogram both show a healthy heart, so I don't think it was adversely affected. I can't minimize what he is facing, however. Once a person has had a stroke, it increases the risk for another. And of course, there are the obvious concerns about his recovery from this one. The next twenty-four hours or so will tell us a lot about what to expect. Some of the symptoms should pass within that time. The further he gets past the initial period, the less likely he will be to recover completely, although I have had patients fully recover after showing symptoms as much as a year out. That's rare, however. He's going to need a lot of care and positive reinforcement around him although we have to also be realistic. His entire left side was affected, meaning this stroke hit the right side of his brain. We've already seen the effect on his speech and there will be other things…swallowing, for instance, that will show up. I need all of you to let me know if you see things that are out of the ordinary for him….everything from mannerisms to behavioral inconsistencies. The good news in all of this is that we were alerted quickly and he got immediate treatment. The first three hours are critical."

He looked at them each, one by one, "while you are not officially family, I am giving the three of you those privileges. None of the nurses will question you. I noticed a room full of people in the waiting area and unfortunately, I can't extend those privileges to everyone."

"We understand," Catherine said. "I'll explain to the others. And thank you…You've given us a clear picture of what we are dealing with…"

"Well, not so clear yet, but tomorrow I will know more. In the meantime, just let him know that he's not alone in this…"

Jenny responded this time. "Oh no, he is definitely not alone." The determined set of her features left no room for doubt in anyone's mind.

Catherine left to go explain to the others, who had been called and were now in the waiting room. Jim walked with Jenny as they followed Gil, the orderlies, and a nurse to ICU. They waited in the ICU waiting area while the nurses got Gil settled in. Jenny sat, watching the clock impatiently while Jim paced the room.

A few minutes later, the door opened and Catherine walked in followed by Nick, Greg, Hodges, Doc, David, Wendy, Mandy, Henry, Archie, and even Conrad Ecklie. Jim's eyebrows shot up at the Ecklie sighting but he kept his cynicism to himself.

They all gathered around the trio that was considered to be closest to Grissom and waited.

csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi

Please don't slaughter me for doing this to Grissom. It always amazes me how on TV our heros have bad things happen and then a couple of weeks later they are as good as new. Take for instance, Brass getting shot. According to thier story, the bullet travelled through a major artery and settled near the heart. The surgery involved would have been very intrusvie and combined with the bullet's travels, presented some long term health considerations. But other than a small scar at the entry site and a sore shoulder, we never saw any of that. Come on people, the guy flatlined...what, two...three times....there had to be some long term effect. And Greg was beaten within an inch of his life, where are the scars from that? So I decided to show that even though it might not be fatal, getting shot isn't such a simple thng either. Thougts please...


	18. Waiting

Jenny stayed at the hospital through the night, waiting and watching, fidgeting in the waiting room until the next visitation and then holding his hand through each one. Gil slept through most of it but somewhere in his fog, was aware of each of her visits.

And when he finally began to come out of the fog, she was there, watching him. His eyes opened slowly and he studied her from underneath the heavy lids. She looked tired…and worried. "Jenny?" he tried to say; only it didn't sound right so he tried again. "Jenny…" That time it sounded better.

She moved closer, her face over his, her hand on his, her smile betrayed by the tears in her eyes. She didn't say anything; Gil decided she couldn't, afraid that the tears would come harder. He tried to smile; he hoped it was a good smile.

Jenny watched as the corners of his mouth turned up into a faint smile…both corners, the droop was gone. She studied his face and noted that his eye looked better also; almost normal. And the look in his eyes….clearer, more focused. "You're back," she finally said.

He squeezed her hand. "Where I want to be…you're here." Gil watched as her body began to relax. He realized just how frightened she'd been. "Sorry," he whispered.

Tears streamed down her cheeks. "No…don't feel sorry. Just….think about getting better."

The nurse cleared her throat from the doorway; Jenny's signal that she had to leave. Jenny looked at Gil and tried to smile. "She's making me leave but I'll be back. You rest." She leaned over and kissed his forehead, her fingers gently rubbing his hair. Gil moaned in response. He didn't want her to leave. He was still holding her other hand and when she turned to leave, he held it as tightly as he could. She turned back towards him, startled to feel so much strength in his grip. A grin worked at the corner of her mouth as she looked at his hand on hers. Then she squeezed his hand. "I promise I'll be back." Leaning close to him again, she whispered. "I love you." One more squeeze and she left.

Gil watched her walk out, fear filling him as she left. He didn't want to be alone. He was tired of being alone. _What if she doesn't come back,_ he wondered. _What will happen to me then? _The nurse checked his monitor and collected his vital signs, jotting them on a chart. Gil was barely aware of her, however. He was watching the door, waiting for Jenny to come back.

The nurse finished her task and left. Gil continued to stare at the door, silently willing Jenny back. But she didn't come. He knew there were rules, but he didn't care; he wanted her. After a few minutes, he began to fidget. Something was bothering his finger, something that felt heavy. He looked down and saw the oximeter, the source of his irritation. In the next few minutes, he worked it free from his finger. As he watched it fall off his fingertip, he felt a small surge of victory. Victory was shortened by the appearance of the nurse, who promptly replaced the clip on his finger. He sighed as she checked it and then left.

Gil spent the next few minutes contemplating the presence of the annoying gadget on his finger. Then, acting decisively, he worked it off again, using his thumb and other fingers. The nurse reappeared quickly, and he watched amused as she replaced it.

Gil repeated the exercise. On the fourth time, the nurse came prepared. She used white tape to fasten the thing to his finger. Then with a self-satisfied smirk, she turned and left.

It took him longer, but after a few attempts, he managed to get the damned thing off again. He was smirking when she returned. Exasperated, she sighed as she replaced it. "Really Mr. Grissom, you need to leave this on your finger."

"Jenny?" He said.

"What about her?" the woman asked.

"Here."

"It won't be time for another visit for two more hours," she told him.

He wiggled his finger with the monitor on it. "Long two hours," he mumbled.

She hurumped. "I'll see if she is still in the waiting room," the nurse said, resigned.

A few minutes later, Jenny reappeared. The nurse never asked her to leave again.

The doctor came in just before dawn. He asked Jenny to wait in the waiting room, while he checked Gil out. Gil said no, glaring at the man. The doctor insisted. Gil's blood pressure started going up as soon as she left. The doctor sent the nurse to bring her back. The doctor checked on his patient without any more comments about Jenny leaving.

When he had finished the exam, the doctor was smiling. "Well Mr. Grissom, you seem to be much better this morning; tPA is a wonderful drug. Because we were able to administer it in the initial three-hour window, most of your symptoms are abating. Your speech has improved, the facial paralysis has almost completely faded, and function in your left arm seems to be returning. Your left leg isn't coming around as quickly but I am seeing improvement. I'm going to keep you in ICU one more day and then if everything looks good, we'll get you back into a room. Then you can have all the visitors you want, within reason, of course. In the meantime," he said smiling, "please leave the clip on your finger. It makes the nurses crazy when you keep taking it off."

Gil looked at Jenny. "She stays," he said bluntly.

The doctor chuckled. "As long as you are quiet. And it'll have to be our little secret."

Gil nodded and smiled. He'd won, his Jenny would stay with him; he wouldn't be alone.

She settled into the therapy chair that was in the corner. After moving it around a bit, she had it where he could see her whenever he was awake. He watched her until he fell asleep. Exhausted, she wasn't far behind.

Gil woke when another nurse showed up, checking his numbers. His eyes went to the chair where Jenny was still sleeping. He contented himself with watching her sleep. Lying on his back with nothing to do, he let his mind wander over her. Her auburn hair framed her face, which was relaxed and beautiful. Remembering the feel of her in his arms, he wanted her next to him but he knew the nurse would never allow it. So he settled for the memory of her wrapped in his arms. _This is my future_, he told himself. _She's my future…I have to get better; she deserves better. And there's Thomas. So much I can do with him, teach him. He's like me, she says. Need to teach him what I've learned…about not being so closed off…need to teach him to be more open…_His mind wandered over those thoughts and tried to look into the future. _What will he be like as a man? He looks like me now, will he then? While I hope he does learn to love knowledge, I hope he isn't too bookish like me, learning almost everything he knows of life from books… maybe he'll be more like her in that respect, _he thought as he looked at Jenny.

She began to stir and opened her eyes to see his on her. A smile crept up her face and settled there. Concern washed over him as he saw a tear form in the corner of her eye. "Jenny, what's wrong?" he asked fearfully.

She smiled again. "Nothing's wrong. It's just…" he could tell she was searching for the way to say what she was thinking as her eyes moved around, "waking up and seeing you, being with you, it makes me happy. Although, I can't wait until the setting is a bit more…intimate," she chuckled as she looked around the room filled with machines and bordered by glass walls.

Gil smiled. "I make you happy?" he asked.

A wistful look came over her. "You make me very happy" she answered quietly.

Her answer evoked many feelings within Gil; happiness, peace, a little bit of pride, satisfaction…but most of all he felt hope. He had hope for his future, for their future, for the end of his loneliness.

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Sorry it took so long to get this posted. The site seeed to have technical difficulties and wouldn't let me log on. Bummer.

Anyway, I hope this chapter was worth the wait for you. More to come soon. You know how to make it happen ASAP!


	19. Progress

The next day Gil was moved to a private room. Visitors came and went, some he was happy to see, some he wished would leave him alone. Brass and Catherine were among the first, although they'd visited several times while he was in ICU also. Nick showed up about mid morning bringing breakfast to Jenny. They'd met in the waiting room when Gil was first to the hospital and a friendship was developing.

After Nick left, the first of the therapists showed up. She was the speech therapist and she also worked with Gil on swallowing. Although his speech had recovered, he was having difficulties swallowing. She showed him a few exercises to do a few times each day and stayed through lunch to help him with eating. To his relief, she believed his difficulties would be temporary.

Another therapist showed up later. This one was an occupational therapist and she worked with him on grooming tricks while he recovered and talked some about the attire he would need for physical therapy. She promised to return the next day.

Gil didn't like her. He told Jenny that the woman treated him like a child. "I know how to comb my hair and brush my teeth," he growled. Jenny smiled and listened to him grumble and then laid a big kiss on him. "What's that for?" he asked, still grumpy.

"Because you can," she told him. "And with her help, you'll soon be home and able to do more," she finished with a twinkle in her eye. Gil decided he liked the sound of that.

The third therapist showed up late in the afternoon. He was the physical therapist. With his help, Gil sat up on the side of the bed, putting his feet down on the floor for the first time in days. He wanted to get up but Billy, the therapist, told him to wait. "We'll try that tomorrow if you are up for it," he assured Gil. "I just wanted to get a feel for your strength and balance today. Stroke victims generally have a difficulty finding the center of their mass and balancing at first. You're showing a little of that but doing surprisingly well. You're sitting almost straight up without my help," Billy told him. Gil looked at him confused. "I am straight," he declared.

Billy smiled. "Actually, you are leaning slightly to your left. But the good news is you are holding yourself up…tells me you have enough strength to begin therapy tomorrow."

Gil accepted Billy's pronouncement with a little pride. He wasn't in such bad shape after all; he was strong enough to move forward. The session had tired him though and after Billy helped him settle back in the bed, Gil laid there thinking. _I need to get better soon. I'm going to do everything Billy says and more,_ he told himself. He looked over at Jenny, who had settled in a chair next to the bed and was reading a magazine. _I have to get better soon….don't want her to lose interest…can't let her see me as old or weak…_His mind worked along those lines as he dozed off, more tired than he'd realized.

Greg showed up while Gil slept. He and Jenny talked quietly and then with his encouragement, she took a break and went down to the cafeteria for a late snack. Greg stayed with Gil in case he woke up, which he didn't. But Greg knew it would give her peace of mind to know someone was with him.

The whole team had been impressed with her diligence at the hospital. They'd been surprised to learn of her existence and even more so when the extent of their relationship was revealed. Greg had been a little angry at first, hurting for his friend Sara. But as he watched this Jenny person and then saw how Grissom responded to her, the young CSI warmed to the new development. Sara had made her choice, he reasoned, and Grissom deserved to be happy.

Doc Robbins was his last visitor of the day. He chatted for a few minutes and then looked at his friend pointedly. "Look Gil, I know you. You're going to try to be smarter and better than your therapists. Don't do it. These guys have spent years studying this stuff and know what they are doing. Listen to them…and don't overdo it. You don't want to end up in worse shape than you are now."

Gil listened but wanted to argue. Doc saw the expression on his face and decided to reinforce what he was saying. "I tried, you know, to do more than what was recommended. Set me back in my recovery and I spent two extra weeks in the hospital." As Doc studied Gil's face, he realized he'd made his point. He knew the last thing Gil wanted was one more day than necessary in the hospital.

Jenny stayed with him through supper and then decided to go home. Gil wanted her to stay, but knew she needed to spend some time with Thomas. The boy was staying at Catherine's with Lily helping Catherine and Lindsey keep an eye on him. But Jenny had decided to take Thomas to his place for the night, giving the two of them some time together. The team had thoughtfully cleaned it up after they cleared it as a crime scene. Jenny told him that it was impossible to tell what had happened there. After she left, Gil settled in to watch some TV and rest. He thought of his son and his soon to be wife in his place, in his bed, and became content. They were where they should be. He needed to get better so that he could join them.

The next few days were frustrating for Gil. Although Billy seemed pleased with his progress, Gil wasn't. But he did consider it a small victory when by the end of the week he was sitting up in the chair for an hour at a time, two or three times a day. He liked sitting up; he was tired of the bed. He was leaning less and less. But his left leg wasn't co-operating as much as he would like. Everything else seemed to be gong well, but he just couldn't seem to move the leg easily. Each step was difficult as he drug the leg along with the rest of his body. Billy assured him that each day he saw progress, but Gil wasn't feeling it. Each time he drug it along, he looked at Jenny and hoped she didn't see how crippled he was.

But Jenny would watch and encourage him. Her smiles rewarded his every effort and encouraged him to keep going. He'd always been a loner and never participated in sports in school. Consequently, the only cheerleader he'd had in life was his mother, when he was doing the things she wanted him to do. But now he understood how jocks must feel, having his own cheerleader there applauding his every accomplishment, no matter how small or simple. One night after she'd left, he'd been thinking about these things and was so overwhelmed he cried. He hadn't cried or even felt sorry for himself after being shot, nor had he after the stroke; but as he contemplated her presence in his life, her steadfastness, and her obvious feelings for him, he gave into the emotions running through him and let the tears fall. The nurse showed up and became concerned. He assured her that he was alright, that it had just been an emotional day. She disappeared and returned a few minutes later with a box of tissue.

"How much is that costing me?" he grumbled.

She chuckled. "It's from my personal stash. You were due and I think in light of everything, you deserve the soft ones, not the scratchy things the hospital gives out."

Even the nurse was in his corner. A new flood of tears erupted. "And don't worry, Mr. Grissom…this will be out little secret," she guaranteed him.

"Well, since we're tissue buddies now, maybe you should call me Grissom…or just Griss, like my friends do."

She nodded. "Okay, but your lights still go out in another hour," she said with authority as she turned to leave.

Gil smirked as he watched her leave but then his thoughts returned to Jenny. She deserved the very best he could give her, but what if he never completely recovered? He didn't want her to have to take care of him; it was his responsibility to take care of them. What if he couldn't? He planned to leave the lab but what now. Of course, there were things he could do that wouldn't require that he have total use of his leg…or arm either for that matter, he was still have difficulties with his arm, especially doing small motor tasks with his hand. But the arm was recovering…the leg, not so much. Oh, it was better, he mused as he remembered the total uselessness of it when he first woke up after the stroke. It had been completely dead to him then; no feeling, not movement, nothing. But now, he could at least feel it and even though it responded slowly, it did have some response. Maybe with more time, he told himself, maybe it'll come around. He might limp, but if the damned thing would just co-operate…

The nurse came back and checked on him before turning out the lights. She fluffed his pillow, made sure he had enough blankets, and then satisfied, turned out the light and left.

Gil settled in to try to sleep but his mind kept working. He remembered Jenny that night on the couch. As he replayed their intimacy in his mind, he began to feel a tingle in his groin. Well, at least something is working right, he grinned to himself. But what if…maybe I won't be able to…and even if I can, if the arm and leg aren't strong enough, then….it won't matter. But….there are other positions, he recalled. He began to recall various positions he'd read about and a few he'd even participated in that would not require him to use that damned leg. Besides, what about Al; he had kids after he lost his legs, so there has to be a way… Maybe I could get some hints from him…no, no….can't ask him something like _that…_

He woke after a very graphic dream that involved Jenny to the feeling that he wasn't alone in the room. The door was ajar and light streamed in from the hall. As his eyes focused, he relaxed, watching Jenny look at him. She chuckled. "Missed that much did you?" she said as her eyes made their way from his face to the mid section of his body. He glanced down to see what she was looking at and she began chuckling louder. He could feel himself turning red all over as he realized that he'd had a very physical response to his dreams, his manhood making its presence know without a doubt, even under the covers. "We could, um….do something about that," she whispered as she leaned over him to kiss him. "But I brought Thomas with me…"

Gil smiled at her innuendo and looked around for his son. "He's asleep in the chair," she told him. Gil looked toward the large green therapy chair and saw that it was indeed in a reclining position with a very small form dressed in Spiderman pajamas curled in it. "What time is it?" Gil asked, perplexed that the boy would still be in his sleeping wear.

"3:30…am," she responded. Gil looked at her, puzzled. "We couldn't sleep. He kept having nightmares. I think he needs to see you. Me just telling him you are okay isn't good enough. He needs to see it and believe it."

Gil glanced back at the boy. "Nightmares?'

"About the shooting. He was convinced you were dead when you passed out. And there was so much blood…"

"Yeah, he scooted under the bed when she dropped him but I remember him coming out as I hit the floor…" The scene flashed through Gil's mind. "He needs therapy."

"Yes, I know. And now that I know you are going to be okay, I'll find someone to help him."

"You….should have taken care of him first," Gil said softly, astounded that she hadn't.

"You needed me more…"

"You put….me….ahead of him?" Gil's emotions were threatening to overtake him again.

"Let's just say that your needs were more immediate. You were fighting for your life. I knew Thomas was in good hands and that a few days wouldn't matter for his therapy, but you needed me right then. And I needed to be here with you."

He could see that she was fighting back tears and could sympathize because his own were threatening again. "I'm going to be okay, Jenny. I promise." He choked out. She leaned over him, pulling his head to her and kissing the top of it. His right arm wrapped itself around her, pulling her closer to him. He felt the warm teardrops in his hair and knew she had finally given into all the fear and other emotions she'd been feeling, so he squeezed her tighter. And he kept holding her because he knew that as long as he had her in his life he'd be fine.


	20. Victims

The following week Gil was released from the hospital to a rehab center. He'd asked to be released to go home and do rehab as an outpatient but the doctor had insisted that he wasn't ready for that just yet. "A few weeks in rehab and you should be ready, Mr. Grissom. But you really need this intensive program for an optimum recovery. Besides, your home isn't equipped for your current needs. A few weeks more and hopefully no special equipment will be required."

Gil thought about the steps from his living room to the rest of his place and had to agree that he probably couldn't handle it right now. Still, he wanted to go home. He tried to hide his disappointment but Jenny saw it right away. "Be a good boy," she'd whispered after the doctor left, "and I'll reward you when you do get home." The glimmer in her eye was unmistakable. So with a self-satisfied smirk, he kept his mind on the reward and tried to ignore the hospital feel of the rehab center.

He had two sessions a day with physical therapy. The morning session was a group session where the leader had them playing games, tossing the ball, handing things around the group and doing exercises in unison. He thought the games were childish and was embarrassed for himself and the senior citizens in the group until he realized that they seemed to be enjoying themselves. One of the older ladies sat next to him, laughing and teasing the whole time and to his surprise showed an amazingly competitive streak as they played a game of toss and catch. Innately polite, especially to his elders, Gil was unable to ignore the woman as she chatted with him.

"I'm 88 years old, Sonny," she drawled with a Southern accent, "and so I can get away with saying what I am about to say…one of the perks of my age. I'm too old to care what others think. But you've got to put a little more heart into this. I saw that pretty young thing that was here with you yesterday…saw the way she looks at you. You're a fool if you don't do everything the therapists tell you to do and do it with gusto. Why, if I had a pretty young thing visiting me and waiting to take me home, well…I'd be giving it a lot more effort." She winked and then clapped her hands to the patient across from her, indicating that she was ready to catch the ball.

Gil's eyebrow shot up as her words registered. She caught the ball and tossed it to another patient before returning her attention to him. "Course, I'd want the plumbing to be different," she laughed. "But you get the idea, don't you?"

Gil smiled, warming to the woman as he nodded.

She chuckled again. "Well, since you're taken, you got any friends that might be interested?" She laughed until she started coughing when Gil's eyebrows shot up and his jaw dropped. Then recovering, he smiled. "I might…"

Catherine came to visit him that afternoon, just after his one on one session. He was tired, but happy to see her. "Do me a favor," he prodded as she prepared to leave.

"Sure, what do you need?" Catherine asked.

"Get Greg to come visit me tomorrow morning, say about 9:30?"

"Okay…" she drawled, a little puzzled. "What are you up to, Gil?"

"Just providing a little…motivation for a friend," he answered mysteriously.

Greg showed up the next morning just as their group session was ending. Mrs. Taylor, Gil's new friend, was waiting for an aide to wheel her back to her room when she looked up and saw Greg walking towards Grissom. Gil was pleased with her reaction.

She beamed as he introduced them, her aged eyes bright and alert, full of mischief. She looked from Gil to Greg and then back to Gil. He smiled and nodded. "You must have been Santa Claus in some previous life," she quipped. Just then, the aide walked over to take her away. She swatted the young girl's hand. "Oh no, honey. Don't you see, it's Christmas and I've just been given a present to unwrap."

Greg was following the scene and slowly realizing that his boss, mentor, and friend had set him up. He glanced at Grissom, who was watching Mrs. Taylor smugly. Grissom glanced back at his protégé, an impish grin on his face. Their eyes met and Greg knew what was expected of him. Shooting Grissom a look that said 'you so owe me for this,' he stepped closer to the elder and nodded. "May I drive your chariot for you, Ma'm?"

The young aide followed Greg and Mrs. Taylor out of the room. Mrs. Taylor was beaming, catching everyone's attention as they went and pointing out her prize.

Greg showed up in Grissom's room about an hour later, ready to give his boss a hard time. But when he walked in and saw how tired Grissom was, he pulled up a chair and chuckled. " You set me up…"

Too tired to say much, Gil rested his head in the pillow and smirked. As Greg studied his mentor, he realized that the small amount of discomfort he'd suffered was worth the entertainment it had brought Grissom and it had brightened an old lady's day. _Not so bad, really_, he told himself.

"Well, if you're finished torturing me," he told Grissom, "I'm going to let you get a nap before lunch. But tomorrow, I'm sending Nick. Your old lady is in for a real treat…." Gil nodded and quietly thanked the young CSI, then nodded off to sleep as Greg left.

Greg's visit began a parade of visitors for Mrs. Taylor. Nick had played along and then sent Brass, who'd about choked when the old woman called him Sonny. But he'd played along, swearing revenge on Nick and setting up the next victim. Gil had immediately understood the level of perverseness the detective was capable of when Hodges showed up. Hodges had been a little dense about the game at first but with some nudging fell into the trap.

Gil watched every morning as his new friend was wheeled into the therapy room. She would tell everyone about her latest 'gentleman caller' and then look around expectantly, waiting to see what surprise was in store for her that day. He had invented his own therapy game and it was helping them both.

Bobby Dawkins had followed Hodges into the trap and Gil had silently laughed at the imagined glee on Hodges face as he waited for the ballistics expert to show up at the lab. The list of visitors grew to include Archie and Henry. Catherine informed Gil that a great debate had broken out about who the next victim would be until Doc Robbins intervened and sent David. "He's my favorite," Mrs. Taylor winked as she told Gil the next morning. "He's such a gentle soul."

Jim's perverseness surfaced again and Gil rolled his eyes when Conrad Ecklie showed up one morning. Gil had to admit to Brass later that he particularly enjoyed watching that trap as it sprung. To his surprise, however, Conrad had played along and even stayed through lunch, helping the belle of the rehab center in feeding herself.

Ecklie stopped by Gil's room on his way out. "So this is what's been occupying so much of Grave's energy lately?" he chided.

Gil shrugged and nodded. "Sorry."

"Oh, I suppose it wasn't so bad. She kind of reminds me of my grandmother actually…"

At the end of three weeks, Mrs. Taylor was scheduled for release. She'd been in rehab for two months and had progressed as far as she could. She'd confided to Gil that she wasn't happy about being sent home, that she thought she still had room for improvement. "I'm getting stronger everyday," she told him. Gil smiled and nodded, realizing that he'd not seen any improvement in her physically in the last ten days or so.

That afternoon a huge flower arrangement arrived with her name on it. She glowed as the attendant brought the flowers to her and handed her the card. Clinging to the card, she insisted on visiting Gil in his room. "I want to thank you," she told him. "What little family I have is far away and to be honest, I was feeling a bit lonely and sorry for myself. You and your friends made my days so much brighter." She showed him the card and even the usually emotionally conservative Gil Grissom felt tears in his eyes as he read it.

_To our most beautiful belle_

_Congratulations on your graduation from rehab_

_Save a place on your dance card for us_

_Your beaus,_

_Greg, Nick, Jim, Hodges, Bobby, Archie, Henry, David, Gil and Conrad_

Barbara Lowery Taylor died that night in her sleep with a smile on her face, clinging to the card and a rose from the flower arrangement.

Gil accepted the news from his nurse with sadness, followed by relief. Barbara Taylor died alone, her only companionship in the last weeks of her life coming from a group of strangers; a fate that Gil realized had been his destiny until Jenny had showed up. Now, his life would have a very different ending. He wouldn't be alone, he'd have a wife and a child to fill his last days and mourn him after he was gone. He went to his therapy session with a renewed sense of determination. _I'm going to get out of this place, _he reflected. _I'm going to go home to a new life…_

Two weeks later, he left the rehab center. There was still weakness in his left arm and he limped, needing the help of a walker still. But the therapist assured him that with continued therapy, he would get stronger. By then he had accepted, however, that his leg would never be the same. Still, he was alive, reasonably healthy, and had people who loved him. He was anxious to get home.

Jenny helped him into the apartment, where he stopped on the couch to rest for a few minutes. Then he began the arduous trip down the steps. By the time he made it to his bedroom and his bed, he was exhausted. Jenny helped him with his clothes and then went to answer the door. Catherine had kept Thomas while Jenny brought Gil home and was now bringing the boy back.

The two women talked for a moment and then Catherine left. Jenny turned to talk to Thomas and realized he had already gone downstairs. She followed his path to Gil's room and found their son on the bed. He held one of his bug books and sat next to his father, 'reading' to the sleeping man. Gil had read the book to him so many times that the boy had memorized the words.

Jenny went to Thomas and reached to quiet him, but a hand covered hers first. She turned her head and smiled at Gil, whose eyes were open. Silently she agreed to let Thomas continue and Gil relaxed, a faint smile on his face as his son 'read' him to sleep.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Moving along... hope you are still with me and enjoying. As alwasy, reviews are most appreciated.


	21. Connections

"I think I messed up," Greg Sanders told Catherine as he walked into her office.

"Oh come on, Greg, shift hasn't even started yet," the acting Supervisor replied.

"No…not the job. I was, um….online today and Sara IM'd me." Catherine looked at him surprised. "You heard from Sara?"

"Yeah," Greg answered. "We IM every now and then…but today, well….she asked me how everything was. And I started to tell her about Grissom and…."

"Greg, you didn't…"

"Ah…yeah. And before I could explain about Jenny and Thomas and everything, she left. All she knows is that he was shot. I think she might be on her way here."

Catherine stared at the younger CSI. "You're kidding…" was all she could say.

"Sooo, what do I do? Should I tell him?"

"No…not yet," Catherine replied. "She might not be coming. I don't know why she would after…everything." Her mind was spinning, trying to wrap itself around the situation. Would Grissom even care? "Do you think she'll call you if she comes back?"

"I don't know…maybe," Greg answered.

"If she does, you have to convince her not to go to him. He doesn't need the stress…"

"Yeah, I understand."

Meanwhile….

Gil woke from his nap to find Thomas curled next to him, taking a nap of his own. He looked around for his walker, feeling the need for a bathroom trip. Spotting it a few feet away, he sighed. Slowly he sat up and eased his legs over the side of the bed firmly planting his feet on the floor. He was just about to try to stand when Jenny showed up. She hurried to his side and stood, poised to help him if he needed it but letting him stand on his own.

She pulled his walker closer. Balancing on it, he began to move across the room, feeling somewhat victorious. Jenny watched him as he slowly made his way to the bathroom. She fought the urge to help, knowing that he needed to do as much as he could on his own. She'd seen his struggle to recover and she didn't want to take anything away from him. He would continue to get stronger, she mused; he just had to.

Thomas had awakened and sat mutely watching his father. Once Gil closed the door behind him, Thomas looked at his mother, tears in his eyes. She saw his anguish and sat next to him, putting her arm around him. "Daddy's hurt bad…" Thomas cried.

"Yes, he was. But he's getting better. It's just going to take some time. But you can help him, you know."

"I can?" his small voice replied.

"Yes. He really enjoyed you reading to him while he went to sleep. And there will be times he needs you to get things for him. And of course, there will be times when you need to be quiet so he can rest. The therapy that the doctors gave him to do makes him tired."

Thomas sat up and looked down at the floor, sadly. "I…didn't really read to him. I 'membered the words from when he read it to me."

"That's okay. He still enjoyed it and it makes him happy to have you close to him like that, sharing your books."

"I got lots more books…" he said, happier.

"Good…but only one at a time, okay?"

"Okay…"

Just then the door opened and Gil slowly made his way out. Jenny saw what the effort was costing him; his face was tired and his leg wasn't moving very well. Silently she debated if she should help or let him finish on his own. Seeing the determination in his expression, she decided not to help unless he showed signs of falling.

Gil made it back to the bed and sat, winded and obviously out of gas. "You want to sit up or lie back down?" Jenny asked.

He looked across at the chair and then glanced back at the bed. "I'll sit up but I need to catch my breath before moving to the chair," he told her. She nodded and then moved to the chair, scooting it closer to the bed. "Maybe this will help," she said. A few minutes later, Gil was settled in the chair with Thomas on the floor playing. Hank needed a walk and Gil assured Jenny that he was okay, so she promised to be back quickly and headed out with the dog.

Gil was proud that she felt he was strong enough to be left alone, especially with Thomas. But by the time she made it back, he needed to lie down. He took another nap while Thomas watched a video and she prepared supper. In an odd sort of way, he thought, it seemed very domestic and quietly he realized that he had a homelife.

That night, as Jenny prepared Thomas for bed, Gil watched, wondering what the sleeping arrangements would be. He knew what he wanted and where he wanted that to go, but he doubted that he was ready for the full implications of his thoughts. He'd gotten used to Jenny being always close while he was in the hospital and he was craving that now. _Maybe, if we are all in the same bed_. He knew he was up for some serious snuggling.

Jenny was aware of his watchfulness. She glanced over Thomas' shoulder and winked at Gil as she helped the boy into his pj's. Gil smiled with relief, knowing what her wink meant. He wouldn't be alone in his bed that night. And so a pattern began with Gil and Thomas getting into bed about the same time every night, one reading to the other, and then snuggling as they both fell asleep. Jenny would use that time to finish the kitchen chores and have a few minutes of quiet time to herself before turning out the lights and heading to bed. Once she made her way to the bedroom and changed clothes, she'd scoot Thomas across the bed and work her way into the space next to Gil, who'd waken enough to open his arms and welcome her. And they'd sleep like that, Gil and Jenny, wrapped around one another with Thomas sometimes snuggling into Jenny or sometimes finding his way over to Gil's side of the bed. And every morning, Gil would awaken to the feel of her in his arms and know that he had the strength to make it through another day of therapy, frustrations and set backs, small victories and accomplishments.

Neither Greg nor Catherine mentioned that Sara had heard of his injury. They agreed that Gil needn't hear about it unless she showed up in Vegas. He'd only worry, they reasoned; and he didn't need to worry. Catherine was watching the growing bond between Gil and Jenny and believed he had finally found happiness. Sara would only complicate things and Gil didn't need complications. His smiles came easier than she could ever recall and years seemed to be falling off his face. Even without total use of the left side of his body, he moved easier, without seeming to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was more like the old Gil Grissom, the one she'd first met almost twenty years before. After everything Sara had put him through, leaving him twice, Catherine wasn't going to let the woman have another go at him if she could help it.

Greg had other reasons for remaining quiet on the subject. He was afraid that if Grissom heard that Sara knew and she showed up, Grissom would take her back. Greg wanted to be the one to intercept her and explain things; the one whose shoulder she cried on. Consequently, he kept trying to get in touch with her, but without success.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hmmm, what next, I wonder.


	22. Decisions

One morning, about a week after his release from the hospital, Gil woke to the warm feel of Jenny next to him and made a decision. Carefully he eased out of bed and went into the other room in search of his cell phone. After making a short call, he smiled with satisfaction and returned to the bed where he waited for her to wake up. It felt like a sunrise when her eyes opened and locked onto him, her face relaxing into a smile.

"Good morning," he told her.

She answered with a warm, but somewhat chaste kiss and then headed across the room for the bathroom. Gil's cell rang. Picking it up he was excited to see who the caller was.

"It's all set," the voice of Jim Brass spoke from the other end of the connection. Be here at 1:00pm today."

"Okay, thanks Jim. And you called Catherine too?"

"Yeah…and I'm sure she's calling the others. We'll see you there," he finished and then the line went dead.

Jenny returned and looked at Gil oddly. "Okay, what's going on?" she asked as she sat on the bed next to him.

Suddenly as he looked at her, he wondered if he had made a mistake. What if this isn't the way she wanted things? What if she had different ideas? "I…um….that was Brass," he said as he recovered from his doubts. "We have an appointment at 1:00."

"An appointment…you and Jim?"

"Ah yeah…no…I mean, we have an appointment, you and I."

"We do? Where?"

"The chambers of Judge Kenneth Blackmon, unless you've changed your mind?"

"Changed my mind….about what?" She looked confused.

He looked down, suddenly very interested in the texture of the sheets on his bed, his finger tracing lines on the material. "A…aaaaaa…bout getting married….us, I mean."

Once again, Jenny was struck by how much alike he and Thomas were. The man next to her had such a gentleness of the soul and yet at times was so confident that some might call him arrogant, but there was a shy awkwardness about him also. As she gazed at his face, the little she could see of it while he looked at the sheets, she felt her insides melt, turning to goo in the presence of the man. "You're worried that I've changed my mind?" she asked gently.

"Well…with everything that happened and with my current condition…"

She never gave him a chance to finish his sentence. Her hand was on his chin immediately, tilting his head up as she leaned towards him. Her kiss was full of love, gentle and caring but also making a statement. "Yes, I still want to marry you," she told him as she pulled away. Their eyes met and she could see his relief. And he was relieved because in her eyes, he saw only her love. "I…thought maybe…bbbut you do…really?"

Jenny chuckled; he looked so surprised. "Yes…but the I do comes later."

Gil smiled. "I know…I mean, you have your life back in Tennessee…we never have talked about where we would live…"

"My life in Tennessee is about the business. And I've already contacted a broker about selling it. From now on, my life will be about you. Wherever we live, my home is with you."

"You're selling your business?" Gil was stunned. He had never considered that she would give it up.

"We'll live wherever you want to live, Gil. But I really believe we should stay here."

"Here?"

"You have good friends here and I don't think you make friends easily. These people are important to you and you are to them. Sometimes they seem more like family than just friends…"

"But you must have friends too…"

"No one as close as Catherine and Jim and the others are to you. And through everything, they have become my friends too. They love you, Gil and I know you love them."

Yes. I do… but we don't have to decide now. We can think about it more."

Jenny looked at Gil and smiled. "Yes, dear." He was startled by her use of the affectionate response he often used with the women in his life but then settled into an inner smile.

The ceremony was a quiet one. Jim, Catherine, Nick, Greg, and Doc all showed up to support them. Thomas stood with them as the judge went through the usual admonishments and then began the vows. After Gil had recited the obligatory lines, he paused, took her hands in his, looked deep into her eyes, and then began reciting a poem he had chosen.

_Praise God, who wrought for you and me  
Your subtle body made for __love__;  
God, who from all eternity  
Willed our divided ways should move  
Together, and our love should be._

_I wandered all these years among  
A world of __women__, seeking you.  
Ah, when our fingers met and clung,  
The pulses of our bodies knew  
Each other: our hearts leapt and sung._

_It was not any word of mine,  
It was not any look of yours;  
Only we knew, and knew for sign  
Of Love that comes, Love that endures,  
Our veins the chalice of his wine._

_Because __God__ willed for us and planned  
One perfect love, excelling speech  
To tell, or thought to understand,  
He made our bodies each for each,  
Then put your hand into my hand._

"Jenny, you've brought such beauty and happiness into my life; my only desire is to hold your hand as we walk through life together," he concluded.

Still holding his hands, Jenny began her vows. Then she concluded with "Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me." She paused before finishing. "Gil, you also have brought happiness into my life…and peace. And together we have created a future that will outlive us both, our son Thomas. Wherever you are is where I want to be."

They exchanged rings and finished the short ceremony, dutifully kissing at the end. All of the excitement and the lengthy standing had drained Gil. Jenny noticed that he was growing pale and beginning to look shaky. Brass suggested they all go to The Bellagio for a celebration but Jenny declined on behalf of them both. "Gil's tired," she explained. "And as his bride, there are other activities that I'd rather he expend his energy on." Gil blushed a bright red as the others chuckled. "But in a few weeks, when he is stronger," she continued, "we do want to have a celebration and it wouldn't be complete without all of you."

Jim and Nick helped Gil to the car while Catherine talked with Jenny, offering to take Thomas for the night so that the couple could at least have their wedding night to themselves, whether Gil was up for anything more or not. "Thank you, Catherine," Jenny answered with a smile. "But we'd like to take a rain check on that, if that's alright. Soon, we'll be ready for a real wedding night and having Thomas stay with you would be a gift. But for tonight, I think we'll just concentrate on some real family time."

Catherine smiled. "He has waited all of his life for you, you know…whether he realizes it or not. I know you will make him happy…he already is, really, happier than I've ever seen him. And I want you to know that although he and I go way back…seems like we've been friends forever…I want to be your friend too." The two women hugged and then Jenny climbed in the car and the happy family drove off to their new life together.

At the airport, a lanky brunette exited her plane and made her way to the car rental area. Glancing at the clock, she realized that most of her friends would be sleeping so she decided against calling anyone until later. Besides, she wanted to surprise the one person she wanted to see most. Once the paperwork was completed and the agent handed her the keys, she made her way out to the lot, identified her rental, threw her bag in the trunk, and drove off to find him.

The Grissom family arrived at their home. Gil stopped at the door looking chagrined. Jenny shot him a puzzled look to which he responded, "I kind of wanted to carry you across the threshold." She gave him a wonderfully sultry look and told him that he could do that on their Honeymoon. Gil smiled his half smile, the one that showed more in his eyes than on his mouth, the one that Jenny loved. Thomas watched his parents but didn't understand what was going on between them. He just knew they looked happy.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gil's poem is _Magnificat_ by: Arthur Symons. Jenny's quote is from Ruth 1:16-17.

I've given up on begging and pleading. I would just really love to hear from you.


	23. A Visit from the Past

Gil was even more tired than he had realized. Using his walker, he made his way to the couch and sat abruptly, letting out a sigh. Jenny took Thomas to the bedroom for a nap and returned a few minutes later to find the senior Grissom dozing as well. She smiled as she approached him. "Lie down and rest," she told him softly.

He forced his eyes open and groaned. "But I want to spend this time with you," he told her. Then looking shy suddenly, he continued, "with …my wife." His smile was a quite, bashful one. Jenny's chuckle was bawdy and her look predatory. "Oh, I'd love to spend some…conjugal time with you," she said, her eyes gleaming with mirth, "but just getting married seems to have tired you and besides, right now there is a little boy in our bed."

Gil sighed. "I know." And then getting his own gleam in his eyes, he added, "But we could…I mean, we are sitting on a couch…"

Jenny laughed. "I suspect the minute you lie down, you will be out. Why don't we go down and join Thomas in the bed?"

"I don't want to," he said with a pouty look. "I want you all to myself."

Jenny snuggled into him, resting her head on his shoulder as he lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. "This will have to do then," she said, contently.

He held her for a few minutes like that, simply enjoying the feel of her so close. Her hand made its way to his chest, resting over his heart and her fingers worked their way between the buttons to rub beneath his shirt. Gil's mind wandered to a happy place where he pictured many such moments between them. Then he frowned subtly and grunted.

Jenny stirred as her head turned to look up at him. "What?"

"We need a bigger place…"

She smiled. "So we are staying in Vegas?"

"I…I thought that is what you want?"

"As I said, Gil, I will be happy wherever you are. And I do think being here with your friends will be a good thing. I will need to go back to sell my house and either move our things here or dispose of them."

"Didn't you say your house is in the mountains?"

"On the side of one actually," she smiled.

"Then don't sell it."

"But..?"

"We can go there to get away. I'm sure it is beautiful. And…Vegas in the summer isn't always a pleasant place to be. This can be our home base but we can enjoy the mountains too."

"Hmmm," she purred. "I like the sound of that. It is peaceful there…and secluded. I like the idea of having you all to myself."

"So it is settled?"

"Yes, except there are some things that I do want to bring here. I can go on my own or it can wait until you can go with me."

"I'd like to go with you…I…" he looked down, shy again. "I think I'd miss you and Thomas too much if you went without me. I don't want to spend one day without you."

Jenny remembered his grief over Sara disappearing from his life and realized he was afraid of her leaving him. He needed to go with her. But they would need to work on that, let him learn to trust that she wouldn't leave. "And I would miss you terribly too. Okay, we'll wait until you are ready for the trip and then we'll spend some time there, settling things, packing, and doing whatever else comes to mind…" she finished with a mischievous grin.

Gil looked at her with sparkling eyes, "oh, I have several things on my mind already…well, actually only one but with several different applications."

She nuzzled into him. "As good as all of this snuggling is, I can't wait until the doctor gives you the all clear; I can't get enough of you, be close enough…"

He squeezed her into him. "Me too," he agreed. "In the meantime, we'll need to look for a bigger place here, one where Thomas can have his own bed in his own room. Because there are times when three is one too many."

"Mmmm," she breathed into his chest. "Couldn't agree more…"

Hank approached, wagging his stubby tail, and looking anxiously towards the door. "I'll take him for a quick walk," Jenny said. "You save my place here on the couch." Gil smirked at her as she stood and then watched as she put the leash on Hank and led him out the door.

Gil leaned his head back and soon was dozing as he waited for her to come back. He felt cold without her next to him and he felt empty. A part of him realized that he was afraid that one day she might leave and never come back, as Sara had done. His hope was that with them married, that day would come later rather than sooner. She and Thomas had filled his heart so completely; he didn't think it would function without them. So while he was dozing, he wasn't really resting. He wouldn't rest until she came back.

A knock startled him from his stupor. Looking around, confused, it clicked that he was alone, except for a sleeping boy downstairs. Reaching for his walker, he stood and trudged his way to the door. He opened it, unsure of what to expect, but never in his wildest dreams would he have guessed that he would find Sara Sidle standing on the other side. He stood, too stunned to speak.

"Gil?" A worried looking Sara spoke. "Can I come in?"

Gil scooted the walker backwards as he opened the door more to let her enter. She stepped in, eyeing the walker and then looking up at him. "Are you strong enough for me to hug you?" she asked, concerned.

Gil stood, in shock. His mouth hung slightly open and he wore his clueless look, which amused Sara. Finally, he nodded and she stepped forward to hug him. He kept his right hand on the walker, steadying himself and let his left one hang to his side. She hugged him and then stepped away, a frown on her face. "Are you here alone?"

Gil was beginning to recover from the surprise of seeing her. "No," he answered flatly.

She looked around for signs of anyone else. "Where's Hank?"

"Out for a walk." Gil turned and headed back to the couch where he sat down, letting out a long sigh.

Sara moved towards him but remained standing. "Should you be lying down?"

"Maybe…I was dozing here when you knocked," he said without looking at her.

Sara moved to the other side of him and settled on the couch next to him. "Gil…I got here as fast as I could…"

"When did you hear?"

"About a week ago…it took me awhile to get back into the country. But I came straight here. Greg didn't tell me much but…"

"Greg told you?" he asked, his head shooting up.

"Yes, were IMing and he said you'd been shot. I …I was so upset, I think I just cut him off."

"Then he didn't tell you the rest?"

"There's more?"

Gil let out another sigh. "Sara…I um…" The door opened and Jenny and Hank walked through. Seeing Sara, Hank bounded to her, licking her face. Gil looked at Jenny, guilt etched in his features. He was relieved when he didn't detect anger, only confusion.

Jenny recognized Sara instantly from the pictures of her that Gil had shown her. She looked from Gil to her and then back at him. He was obviously uncomfortable. "Hello," she said, turning her attention to Sara. "I'm Jenny."

Sara smiled and nodded. "I'm Sara." She looked at Gil, confused about who this woman was that had walked Hank. Just as she was about to ask, Jenny spoke to Gil. "I'll um…be downstairs if you need anything," and then she headed down to check on Thomas.

Sara watched her go down the steps and then turned her attention back to Gil. "Is she your caregiver?"

Gil looked at her, but his mind was on the woman who had just left the room. What was she thinking…feeling? He wanted to go to her, to explain that Sara was a surprise, that he hadn't done anything….but he had to talk to Sara first. He hoped Jenny would understand. "In a way," he answered mysteriously. "Look, Sara…I wish you'd given Greg a chance to tell you everything…."

She eyed him, wondering what he was trying to say. He seemed like the Grissom she'd known when she first came to Vegas, the one that held her at arms length. "Everything?"

"After you left…I was…it was hard. After Warrick …and then you left…looking back, I was very …depressed. Nothing meant anything anymore. I kind of slept walked through the cases and my personal life was …well, there wasn't one. Eventually I decided to leave CSI…to do something different. I'd burned out. I wasn't sure what I was going to do but I knew I needed to do something different, be somebody different. I only had a couple of weeks left when Jim called me on this case…only he didn't want me to work it. One of the suspects was someone I knew and she…she needed me to take care of something for her."

He paused and swallowed hard. Focusing his mind, he continued. "She um… needed me to take care of her son…"

"Gil, why are you telling me this? What could a woman from some case have to do with things now…with …us?"

"Her son is…my son too."

Sara stared at him, several emotions flashing over her features, surprise among them. "You have a …son?"

Gil nodded. "His name is Thomas and he's almost five. He … he's a lot like me, I suppose. I didn't know about him until that day."

"Where is he? Did she take him back…or was she charged in the crime?"

"No, no…she wasn't charged. She wasn't even involved really, except she knew the victim. And Thomas is with her and…they live with me. His mother is Jenny." He swallowed hard as he finished, not able to look at her.

"That…that woman is …you and she…and now?"

"They are my life, Sara. Jenny and I…she's my wife."

"You're married?" she squeaked. "But you and I …we were engaged. I thought…"

"You left… again. We'd never talked about it but it seemed that we had broken up, that the engagement was off. I hadn't heard from you in awhile and our last communication didn't seem like there was a future for us. Even before Jenny reappeared in my life, it seemed that we were over. I was learning to accept that and trying to move on. Then Jenny needed my help. And as I spent more time with Thomas, I wanted a relationship with him. And Jenny and I were getting closer. She…understands and accepts me... the way that I am. And she's willing to live here in Vegas, even suggested it. She says I shouldn't have to leave my friends."

"How sweet," Sara said sarcastically. "She's willing to raise her son in this climate?"

Gil looked at Sara, his brow furrowed as he studied her demeanor. "Yes, she is, for my sake. She knows I won't let anything happen to him."

"Like you could stop it?"

Gil looked wounded. He sat staring at her, unsure of how to respond when Thomas came running up the steps. "Daddy, Daddy," he called, "I had a dream…" The boy stopped when he saw Sara. "Who dat, Daddy," he asked suspiciously.

Gil opened his arm to encourage Thomas to come closer to him. "This is Sara; she is a friend."

Thomas studied the other woman and then looked at Gil, tears in his eyes. "Make her go away, Daddy. I don't like her…"

"Thomas, I told you, she's a friend…"

Jenny heard Thomas' cries and called from the bottom of the steps. "Thomas, come back here. You left your toys all over the floor."

GI leaned down and whispered, "better go see what your mother is talking about. I'll be alright." Thomas slid away from Gil and then glanced over his shoulder at Sara. He started down the steps and was crying by the time he made it to Jenny, who was waiting below. Gil heard him cry as they walked to the bedroom, "Please Mama, don't let that lady shoot my Daddy…"

Sara's eyes darted from the scene below to Gil. "He thinks I'm going to shoot you?"

"He was there when I got shot; the shooter was a woman. He's still…recovering."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. He heard Sara sniffle and glanced over to see tears tracking down her cheeks. Fighting the urge to wipe away her tears, he looked away. Finally Sara spoke. "You love her?"

Gil looked at her squarely. "I do, with all my heart."

"I um…guess I'll go then. Just…tell me, did you ever really love me?"

Gil looked away, the past few years playing through his mind. "You taught me how to love…and then you left," he said as his eyes turned back to her. "My heart was shattered and Jenny…and Thomas, they put me back together. I'm whole again because of them."

Real tears began to fall as Sara listened. "I'm sorry, Gil. I'm sorry I hurt you so much."

"I wasn't surprised; you know…that you left me. I knew that in the end, you would for one reason or another."

Sara stared at him with disbelief. "So that's why you fought a relationship for so long…"

"When you left the first time, I still had hope…thought maybe we could work things through. But when you left again… I knew you hadn't come to stay…permanently. But we'd never replaced you on the team and then with Warrick gone, well…I couldn't leave just then. That would have meant the team would be three down. I couldn't do that to them, especially with everyone still grieving Warrick. And I needed to be there too, to grieve with them. I hoped you would be patient, be willing to wait until I could sort everything out. I was feeling so…broken," he said through a sob. "But you couldn't stay. It really hurt, the way that you left… I had a feeling that when I came back home that day, you wouldn't be here but it still hurt. When you left before, I hid in my work, but this time…this time I couldn't. Warrick's murder was it for me, after that I had no more passion for the job. I hated it when the phone rang but hanging out here was just as bad. I was so depressed even Hank was showing signs of it. I made the decision to leave CSI, Sara but I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. Now I do, I want to spend every moment I can with Thomas. And Jenny…with her I am alive again."

Sara looked at him, surprise and anger showing in her features. "And I suppose when you decided to quit CSI you didn't think about coming to find me?"

He said nothing, but his eyes told her everything. Silently, she turned and walked out the door.

CSICSICSICSICSICSI

Sorry all you GSR fans out there, but I have to think it wasn't a real surprise when she came back and Gil didn't hook up with her again. I know this wasn't an enjoyable chapter for you guys, but ...well, it is what it is. I do welcome comments as long as they are constructive; no flames please. YOu have the right to disagree with where I took things, but say it nicely, okay? The little button hasn't moved; I hope you'll use it.


	24. How Do I Feel?

Jenny and Thomas ventured out of the bedroom when they heard the front door close. Thomas made his way up the steps quickly, needing to confirm his father's safety. Jenny followed slowly, unsure what state of mind she would find Gil. He welcomed Thomas into his lap but sat quietly until he saw Jenny at the top of the stairs.

She stood, watching him as he held their son; her heart clinched in fear. His expression was unreadable and for a moment, Jenny dreaded the results of his conversation with Sara. He looked at her tentatively, unsure of her mood and fearful of the worried expression on her face. "She's gone," he said without emotion.

Jenny nodded. "You talked?"

"She had heard about the shooting…but not about…everything else. She said she came as soon as she could…I don't know why." He looked at the floor sadly.

"I suppose she needed to see you…maybe thought she could help you in some way," Jenny responded.

"Maybe," he conceded. "I was surprised to see her when I opened the door. I didn't know what to feel…"

"Look…since she's back… I mean, if you and she….if she's…" Jenny tried to give him his freedom but the words wouldn't come out.

Gil's eyes shot up to hers, panic on his face. "No…you're my wife now…"

"It wouldn't take much to change that…"

Her heart ached as she saw pain flash through his features. "No, you and Thomas…you're what I want. I told her that. I …" he hesitated, his emotions almost overwhelming him, "I love you. I told her…you make me feel alive again. I just…seeing her standing there, I wanted to be happy to see her. But I didn't feel much of anything really, a little anger maybe…and sadness. We were very close…before."

Jenny heard the sincerity in his voice and watched as his eyes revealed the confusing emotions he was processing. Moving next to him on the couch, she sat and put her hand on his thigh. "I love you too, Gil…enough to let you go if she is who you would rather be with."

His blue eyes focused on hers. _She's going to leave me…after everything…she's going to leave me too… _"I'm with the woman I want." Then reaching for and taking her hand in his, a small smile forced its way through his fear and grew on his face. "You are my wife, my love, my future. She is …the past." Then he leaned into her, his lips finding hers and connecting in a gentle kiss. "Please Jenny, don't let me go," he said, almost pleading.

The anguish in his request tore at her heart. "No Gil, I don't want to leave you. I just thought that …you loved her so much, maybe you'd rather be with her."

He pulled her to him, holding her tightly. "I thoug…thought we were happy together." She detected desperation in his voice as he mumbled into her ear. "I felt so happy. You brought me back to life, you and Thomas. You made me so happy." The tension in his body was so intense that she could feel it like a glove surrounding them.

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him as much as he was holding her. "We do? I'm glad we make you happy. You make us happy too. I don't want to let go, Gil. I want you to hold me forever."

_She's not leaving. She's going to stay; she wants to stay with me. I make her happy…_Gil began to relax as her words sank in and he began to understand. _She was worried that I wanted Sara; wanted me to be happy. That's all…just wanted me to be happy even though she loves me…because she loves me. She's not leaving. _Her arms warmed him, settled his fear, and gave him strength. "So, you're not leaving?"

She squeezed him harder. "I'm never letting go, Gil. I'll always be here, with you…holding you in my heart."

"I…I pushed her away and she went…"

"I know, but now it's different. We're married…stuck together like glue. You've made your choice and now you'll just have to live with it, with us. This was your one chance Gil. From now on, I'll fight like a crazy woman to hold onto you. If you ever want to leave or try to push me away, you'll have a fight on your hands."

"I don't want to fight; I want to love you, make love to you…" He heard her chuckle. "Now?" she asked. She felt him squirm. She knew he wasn't quite ready, medically speaking. It was, however, the perfect opportunity to change his mood, move him away from the fear and more into hope.

"Soon," he answered, "but not soon enough. I miss that aspect of our relationship."

They sat for a long time, holding one another. Little was said; little needed to be said. But as they cuddled, confidence grew within Gil, confidence that this time it would last. Jenny was here to stay, no matter how difficult he became. His sometimes diffident manner wouldn't deter her, wouldn't push her away.

Meanwhile, Sara checked into an off strip hotel and then called Greg. "Hey, it's me," she said. "I'm in Vegas."

"_You're here?" _he answered. _"Um, have you ah…"_

"Seen Grissom? Yeah, there were things you didn't tell me, Greg…"

"_You didn't stay online long enough. Look, where are you? Why don't I come there and we can talk?"_

Sara told him where to find her and hung up to wait for his arrival. She fought back tears; the last thing she wanted was to be red eyed from crying when Greg arrived.

It took Greg about a half hour to get there. She opened the door and immediately fell into his arms as the tears refused to be held back any longer. He hugged her, truly glad to see her but distraught over her emotional condition. "Really Sara, did you expect him to wait for you or something," Greg asked after she had settled down and they were sitting on the small couch in her room.

"Yes…no, I don't know what I expected. But not that he would find someone so quickly…"

"Well, they do have a child together…"

"Yeah, he didn't explain that one…"

"I can't help you with that. None of us have heard much of an explanation either. The kid and his mother just appeared in his life one day. I think Brass knows more…and maybe Catherine, but he hasn't said much to anyone about their past. She's good for him though. After you left, he was like zombie or something…just sort of going through the motions. I think Warrick's death hit him harder than we'd realized even. And then you left and he just seemed…dead inside."

"I wanted him to go with me…"

"Oh come on Sara, did you really expect Grissom to just leave all of a sudden? I mean, how un –Grissom would that have been?"

"He said that he needed to grieve with you guys…and that he couldn't leave the lab so short handed."

"After Ecklie finally found a replacement for you, he must've decided to resign then. But he stayed for awhile longer, to get her settled in I think and to clear his case files. But then Jenny showed up and everything happened so fast."

"What did happen?"

"She was involved in a case that Brass and Catherine were working. I helped a little but I didn't know about Grissom's connection to Jenny. Anyway, the killer went looking for her. Brass wanted her in protective custody and she ended up staying at Grissom's with the kid. That's where he got shot, in his own bedroom. The killer was holding the boy as a shield and Grissom confronted her. He fired, hitting her in the heart but not before she fired at him." Greg paused, sensing Sara's need to process it all. Then he continued, "Brass says he thinks it's the only time Grissom has ever fired at a live target."

"I know he is a good shot. We, um…practiced at the range together a few times. He almost always hit the target dead center." Sara seemed lost in thought for a few minutes. "What's she like?" she finally asked.

"I don't know her very well. But we did spend some time together at the hospital. I can tell you this; she loves him. She wouldn't leave until she knew he would be okay and then only to see about Thomas. Brass and Catherine kind of took care of her and the kid. It was scary enough, him being shot, but when he had the stroke, it was grim. He was paralyzed for awhile. I think she was there for almost all of his therapy sessions, encouraging him."

"Okay…but what is she like?"

"She's nice. She seems to be really smart. Catherine told me she has her own business. Jenny is quiet with him from what I've seen, letting him take the lead…"

"Oh, I'll bet he just loves that…"

He's…I dunno, different with her. It's like they are in their own little world. He can be talking to us and she walks in the room and they look at each other and suddenly he's got a secret he won't share. But not like when you two were keeping your big secret. They let us see their feelings. And the kid; he is so much like Grissom that it's scary sometimes. We helped Catherine take care of him while Grissom was in the hospital and it was amazing. He even has a lot of the same expressions. And man, he loves bugs."

Sara smiled with that news. "I wanted him to be happy…I just hoped that eventually we would …that he'd…" she let out a deep breath. "I thought we'd end up together, you know."

"We all did. He was so lost without you. He looked terrible, baggy eyes, kind of grey coloring, and sad looking all the time. And no excitement…you remember how he used to get so excited about new twists in a case or some experiment? None of that was going on. Like I said, he was just going through the motions. He loved you Sara, with his whole heart. And I don't think he knew how to handle it when you left."

They talked awhile longer, the conversation turning to what was going on with the others, the changes at the lab, and Greg's new book. Finally, he said he needed to leave to get ready for work. Once he was gone, Sara sat on the couch again and let the tears fall again. She had known that leaving like she did was a big risk, that once she was gone he might move on. But she hadn't expected him to move so quickly or in such a definitive way.

She called Greg just before he went to work and arranged to meet what was left of the gang at the diner for breakfast. While she was in town, she would see her old friends, she'd decided.

She slept uneasily and rose early, arriving at the diner before the others. She was excited to see Nick. Greg followed a few minutes later. Brass and Catherine joined the group a little while after that. They talked about general things for a few minutes and then they began asking her about her adventures in the jungle. She shared a few amusing stories and some exciting adventures as a member of a research team.

Catherine's eyes sparkled as she listened and finally commented. "Research seems to agree with you."

"I've enjoyed it. The work is intriguing and …carefree."

Brass smiled, "well, you look good, Cookie. And I know how dark everything was for you last time you were here. It's good to see you smiling again."

"Yeah, it's good to see my friends again. But …I was surprised when I dropped by Gil's last night."

"Yeah," Jim said. "Big one, I'm sure."

"What do you know about her, Jim? Greg says you know more than anybody about them."

Jim sighed. "It was a surprise to him when she turned up with a kid…his kid. But he took to the kid right away. They're like two peas in a pod, ya know. And they stayed with him while we investigated the case. I could tell they were getting close. He was changing…coming out of himself, the life coming back into him."

"But, what's she like?"

"Smart, open…patient as hell from what I can see. You know how Grissom can be, but she just seems to weather it, lets him have his space and then fills it when he needs her. And he needs it, her, I mean. She's like a lifeline to him. She doesn't seem to be much of a scientist but it seems to work. They share a love of reading and she has a good sense of humor and gets his. He was living in a very dark world; she brought light into it and continues to. Look kid, I know this is hard for you, but this is good for him."

"What do you think, Nick? Have you seen them together?" she asked.

"Yeah…mostly at the hospital. She's good, Sara. He was burying himself and now, he's not. If anything, I think he's more open than before. I think…with you, he was so afraid of his feelings. I don't know that he'd ever admitted them even to himself until you were kidnapped. And you seemed so fragile at times after that. It scared him. And when you left, especially the second time…it nearly crushed him."

Sara sighed. "I…just need to know, you know…that he's happy. I can deal if I know he's happy."

Catherine placed her hand over Sara's. "He's happy Sara; a little scared right now, I think. But he's happy."

Sara looked at Grissom's closest friend and knew she was being truthful. "Okay, thanks. I know this wasn't easy for you guys. I um….I'll be heading back to the research team …flying out tomorrow. But it's really great to see you again. And I promise I'll do better at staying in touch."

Jim leaned in closely. "You better, kid, or I'll but a BOLO out on you and have you hauled in for questioning. Just because you're miles away doesn't mean we don't still love ya."

"And I love you guys; you're the only family I've ever had," she said with teary eyes as she looked from one face to the other.

While Sara was at the diner for breakfast, Gil and Jenny were sleeping in. Thomas had slept fitfully, waking several times from nightmares. Finally, he had settled into a deep sleep and his parents were able to sleep also.

CSICSICSICSICSICSI

I struggled with this one and am still not quite satisfied with it. I hope all you GSRs are happy with the way they parted; I know you are not happy that they parted. But at least they were adult about it and things didn't get ugly. And I hope I conveyed some of the sadness that they both felt. Hopefully there are brighter days ahead for Gil and Jenny? Let me know how you like and what you are thinking...


	25. Freedom

Gradually Gil got stronger and within a few weeks, all of the symptoms of the stroke had dissipated except for a limp in his left leg. When he was rested and fresh, the limp was barely noticeable but as the day wore on, it became more pronounced. Still, Gil decided, it was a small price to pay for the safety of his family. He had been willing to sacrifice so much more. But reflecting back to the time before Jenny and Thomas and the future that lay ahead, he was elated to be alive, to be able to participate in their lives, to be a part of a family.

He had followed through on the out patient therapy and had a doctor's appointment that afternoon. Gil hoped it would be the last one, the one that freed him to show Jenny how he felt about her, about them. They had spent the last weeks planning their honeymoon, their wedding night delayed. As Gil dressed for the appointment, his excitement grew. With a little luck, the doctor would give him the go and he and Jenny could consummate their union. The last week or so had been especially tough for him. While he had wanted her all along, he'd known that physically he wasn't ready. But he'd been feeling much stronger lately and the last couple of days he'd felt solid evidence of his preparedness.

Jenny had been very patient, he thought. She'd struck a balance between suggestive and chaste, keeping interest alive but keeping it on low. Through his recovery, she'd never made him feel inadequate, obviously content with their snuggles and kisses. When he'd expressed his frustrations or sometimes she'd simply sensed them, she had reassured him, hinting that she was saving the passion and he should be prepared for their first night together as husband and wife. He'd caught her a few times lately looking at him with a possessive gleam in her eye, one that reminded him of a predator. As he slipped into his shoes, he decided he wouldn't mind being her prey.

He spent the drive to the doctor's remembering their previous times together. He heard her chuckle as they got out of the car and she turned to look at him. He gave her his most innocent inquisitive look and she erupted into laughter. His brow furrowed and he tilted his head, wondering why she was so amused. Her eyes twinkled as they travelled down his body. "Do we need to stop by the restroom so you can adjust?" she asked.

He felt his cheeks redden as her meaning sank in. Glancing sown sheepishly, he realized that his thoughts had created a reaction in a certain part of his anatomy. "I um…was thinking about…"

Her laughter stopped him. "I know exactly what you were thinking about, stud. Just hold those thoughts until later and we'll see what we can do about them." As Gil watched her expression, a thrill shot through him. He liked the promise that shone in her eyes. He walked into the doctor's office certain that his blood pressure was through the roof and the nurses were going look at him oddly.

After explaining that Gil might continue to see a little improvement, the doctor announced that there was nothing more he could do for Gil. He wanted to do a follow up appointment in three months, but otherwise, Gil was free to do whatever he felt like doing. He warned though that other after effects of stroke included emotional outbursts that would fade away with time. Gil nodded and admitted to a few. "I don't just mean bursts of anger," the doctor said. "It could be frustration, passion, or what I call plain silliness. Just be prepared to accept some out of the ordinary behaviors. If anything seems too extreme, however, I want to hear about it." Gil was elated as he left the exam room to meet Jenny in the waiting area. She knew by the smile on his face that the news was good and as they left, suggested they get a bite to eat to celebrate his freedom.

"I have a better idea," he offered.

"Oh? And what is that," she looked at him curiously.

"Let's go check into our hotel," he said smugly.

Seeing his very self-satisfied smirk, she knew he was up to something. "We have a hotel?"

"Well, technically it's not ours and it is only one room, but yes, we have a hotel for the night." His blue eyes were dancing, clearly excited.

"And what about Thomas?"

"Catherine's keeping him overnight. I arranged it with her."

"But…a hotel room, that implies…"

"The doctor said I could do anything I feel like doing…" Jenny thought he looked like a kid in a candy store, all smiles and full of excitement. "And you feel like?" she asked as they made it to the car.

Suddenly he backed her up to the car, pinning her against it as he bent to capture her lips. "This," he said huskily as he descended and kissed her, a spark igniting when their lips touched. His kiss was hard and demanding, full of passion and insisting on more. She returned his fervor, more than ready for all that his kiss suggested.

His hands were sliding down her sides, obviously seeking more contact. "And this," he whispered between kisses as one hand found her breast, his thumb gliding over her nipple, arousing it beneath the layers of clothing. She arched into him, wanting his touch, needing more of him. She felt his arousal pressing against her making her want to rub against him. Then his other hand travelled down, cupping her intimately as he hissed, "and this."

Her knees felt like jelly as he made his intentions known and she clung to him for support. "Ah Gil, do you really think this is the place…" He looked up momentarily, his eyes quickly passing over her to look around the garage. "No one's here…" he said as he dove in for another round of lip lock. His hand found its way under her top and caressed bare skin, and worked its way back to the intended target. She felt his thumb slide under her bra, tweaking her nipple more thoroughly this time. She heard herself gasp as he hit his mark and then the inevitable flush of heat and moisture shot downward through her, eliciting a moan from him as his other hand captured the results through her slacks.

His manhood became even more noticeable and his lips left hers to travel down her neck. "Jenny, I want you so much… I need you."

"Then we should go to the hotel…"

"No, now," he entreated. "I need you so much…"

"Here?" she heard herself squeak.

"Here," he stated definitely. She glanced around and seeing no one, she reached for his zipper. He slid her zipper down and as she freed him from his pants, he slid hers down enough for access. "God, I've been waiting for this…" he moaned as he rubbed against her. "So hot," he mumbled into her neck as he lifted her slightly and his tip found its target, sliding into her. "Oh god," he moaned.

It took all of Gil's self-control to not buck into her and begin humping immediately. "So wet…for me," he grunted as he travelled up her tunnel, her slickness easing his way. Gil's head was pounding, blood rushing through his body, enhancing every sensation. "Oh Jenny," he whimpered as he filled her with his rod. "So good…"

Jenny was a little shocked. This didn't seem to be the Gil she knew, this sex crazed maniac that was taking her in a parking garage. Anyone could come along at anytime and he was usually so private. Her Gil would be totally embarrassed if discovered. But this man, he knew what he wanted and he was taking it. While she dreaded the inevitable discovery, she was also thrilled by his boldness. It was, without a doubt, some of the hottest sex she'd ever had.

Gil couldn't control his actions any longer. He tried to go slowly but weeks of denial took over and he began pumping hard and fast. She felt herself tighten around him and then with a loud moan, she felt her release. As her muscles went into spasms over his cock, he let go in one of the most intense orgasms of his life. Gil leaned into her, pressing her more into the car, as he fought for breath. He was still inside; she felt so warm and luscious that he didn't want it to end. But the inevitable happened and he slowly slid out. But Gil didn't move, his face still buried in her neck and their bodies pressed so close together. He felt her fingers playing in his now sweaty hair and subtle kisses next to his ear. Intellectually he knew they were in a parking garage and they could be discovered at any second. In fact, probably a video camera somewhere nearby had captured their tryst. Silently he prayed that no one was watching the feed. But emotionally, he was in heaven and he didn't want to move for fear of losing what he was feeling. Finally, he heard Jenny whisper his name. "Gil…" She rubbed her hand down the back of his head and onto his neck. "I know," he answered as he stepped back, looking around sheepishly.

They quickly arranged their clothing and climbed into the car. Jenny had driven them over but excited about his freedom, Gil insisted on taking the wheel. As he settled in behind it, he stared out of the windshield, embarrassment overcoming him as he realized the position he'd put her in. He looked at her bashfully. "I'm sorry."

To his surprise, Jenny began to laugh. "For what," she said through her laughter.

"For…it could have been embarrassing…if someone came along." Her amusement was contagious and he felt his heart lifting as he watched her eyes shimmering with laughter. "This wasn't exactly how I'd planned our first…I mean, as married people," he said smiling.

She leaned over and kissed him softly. "So what did you have planned?"

"Well, there is that hotel room I was talking about."

She looked at the ignition and then back at him. "So…what's the holdup?"

Gil smirked. "My apologies, dear wife, I didn't realize you were in a hurry." He started the engine and drove them out of the garage, turning left and heading into their future together.

WEMISSGILWEMISSGILWEMISSGIL

Readership on this one has fallen way down over the last two chapters. Consequently, unless I get a ton of reviews saying to keep going, this is the end. I never thought that introducing Sara into the story would cause a dip in interest but hey, I guess I'm not the only 'not a Sara fan' out there, lol. Anyway, for those who stayed with it, I hope you find the conclusion satisfactory. TTFN


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